Finding What You Need
by Steph912
Summary: When Kate tries to help Alexis, Rick winds up helping her-and they all wind up helping eachother with lots of laughs, tears, and trials along the way. Funny how sometimes you don't realize you need help until you get it.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! My name is Stephanie. This is the first Castle fanfic that I have published. I have been so hesitant to publish anything. I have read so many stories on this sight and I just have to say…you are all so talented! I didn't want to publish anything because I just write for fun…I'm definitely not a professional. My stuff is obviously fiction…so it might not be totally realistic but hey…isn't that the fun of it? So…that is my disclaimer I guess—oh, aside from the fact I'm not AM and I own nothing. I know things might not be 100% accurate…or it might be a little unrealistic…but I just have fun with it. For me, writing is just something I do to relax and de-stress. I hope I'm not to to awful! Please be gentle! However, I will say, I do love constructive criticism. Like I said, I only write for fun but I love it—so ways that I can improve are always welcome. Just please keep it nice ****. That being said-the good thing is I actually have a LOT of this story written. I don't know how I'm going to end it yet…but you won't be waiting long for updates because most of it is finished! I've had this for a long time…so I've got a lot done. So…here is the first chapter!**

Kate Beckett was finishing up some last minute paper work before they left for the night while her partner was sitting next to her playing games on his cell phone waiting for her to finish. It was almost 10:00 and they were both antsy to get home. There was silence save the occasional noise from Castle's phone.

She was almost finished when he broke the silence. "Damn it! I swear I'm gonna…"

Kate chuckled, keeping her eyes on the form she was filling out, "What happened Castle? Didn't shoot the bird far enough to get 3 stars?" When he didn't answer she looked up at him and when she saw the disappointment on his face she immediately knew something was wrong, "Castle, what's wrong?"

"Meredith…"

Sensing he was really upset about something she put her pen down, "Meredith? Alexis is okay right?"

"She's not gonna be…" he muttered.

"Huh?" She asked confused.

"Meredith was supposed to come to town this weekend and have a mother/daughter weekend with Alexis. She hasn't been in town for a while and Alexis was really looking forward to it…"

From what Castle had told her about Meredith she took a guess, "And she cancelled?"

Rick nodded, "Again Kate….she cancelled AGAIN. This is the second time she has done this to Alexis...this month! I am so sick of this. She makes plans with Alexis, gets her hopes up by promising she's coming, than cancels at the last minute."

"I'm sorry Rick."

"You know what the worst part is? In about two minutes I'm going to get a call from my upset daughter because she received a text from her mother with some lame excuse as to why she can't make it this time. That's right…a TEXT! She doesn't even call Alexis. She sends a convenient text so she doesn't have to hear the heartbreak in her daughter's voice."

"Oh, Castle…I…" Kate didn't even know what to say. Over the years she had grown close to Alexis and she suddenly felt a great deal of distain for the young girl's mother. How could anyone do this to their kid, especially a kid as great as Alexis? "Come on Castle; let's go so you can get to your daughter. She's gonna want to talk to you."

Castle sighed, "You're right…"

As they were walking to the elevators Castle's cell phone rang and he looked at Kate with a sad face. "Alexis?" She asked softly.

He just nodded as he picked up,

"_Hey sweetie"_

_Hi dad…did mom text you?"_

_Yeah she did. I…I'm so sorry honey, I know you were really excited..."_

_Forget about it dad. I mean, I knew this would happen…no big deal right? Not like it's a surprise…"_

"_I promise we'll find something incredibly fun to do this weekend ok…just you and me."_

"_That's ok dad…I don't really feel like doing anything anyway."_

"_Oh come on kiddo, we'll have tons of fun. Please? Let me make this up to you. We'll do whatever you want."_

Kate could hear the heartbreak in Castle's voice. She smiled as she got an idea, "Castle let me talk to her." When Castle just gave her a confused look she rolled her eyes and grabbed his phone.

"_Lex, it's Kate."_

"_Oh, hey Kate." _Kate could tell how upset the teenager was by her voice, even if she wouldn't admit it. Another round of distain for the girl's mother washed over her.

"_Listen, it's been a really long week so I was going to treat myself to some pampering and retail therapy this weekend. Will you come with me? It won't be as much fun by myself-I much rather have some company. We could get our nails and toes done, go shopping, grab lunch, catch a movie…what do you say?"_

"_Are you sure? You really want me to come with you?"  
"Of course! I'd love for you to come, it'll be great. We could have some girl time-talk about your father…"_Kate winked at Rick. He tried to act hurt but he heard his daughter laugh and couldn't help but smile.

"_Do you think he would mind?"_

Kate looked at Rick, "_I don't think he would mind at all." _Rick shook his head no, _"as a matter of fact he just shook his head saying no, he doesn't mind. So, will you come with me?"_

"_Yeah sure! That would be so much fun! Thanks Kate!"_

"_Of course! Thank you for saving me a boring day alone! I'll pick you up tomorrow morning at 10:00 ok?"_

"_Perfect! See you tomorrow!"_

"_Bye Alexis."_

Kate hung up the phone and gave it back to Castle. At this time they were walking out of the building to their cars, "You weren't planning on doing any of that stuff this weekend were you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," she smiled and turned to walk to her car. As she was walking she yelled over her shoulder, "See you tomorrow morning, Castle."

Rick smiled as he watched her get into her car, "Thanks Kate…" He whispered.

**Ok so…what do you think? If you have time, please review! I will probably have the second chapter up pretty fast since it's already done—as long as this one isn't to bad. Please let me know! Oh-and this is set toward the end of Season 3. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok so, I decided to just post the 2****nd**** chapter since I already had it…I just wanted to get it out there and see what everyone thought **** I hope you enjoy!**

Alexis ran down the stairs when she heard the doorbell the next morning, "I got it dad!" she screamed as she opened the door excitedly, "Hey Kate!" she beamed as she gave the detective a hug.

"Hey Lex! You ready for some shopping!?"

"Definitely!" As she said that Castle came down the stairs. Alexis walked over to her dad to give him a hug, "Bye dad! Love you!"

"I love you too pumpkin! You girls have fun."

Alexis pulled away from her dad and smiled, "Thanks dad! Come on Kate let's go!" Alexis smiled as she walked past the detective out the door. Beckett looked at Castle who mouthed a 'thank you' to her. She just smiled and nodded and turned to catch up to Alexis.

"So," she said as she reached Alexis and linked her arm in hers, "what do you wanna do first?"

"Hmmm…I'm thinking Mani/Pedi's."

"That sounds PERFECT!" Kate smiled as they walked into the elevator, "Let's do it!"

Alexis and Kate were at the salon trying to figure out colors for their fingers and toes, "Hey Kate which color should I do? This salmon pinkish color or the deep purple?"

Kate thought for a second then pointed, "The first one," she said enthusiastically, "What about me?" Kate asked holding up the two colors she was trying to decide between.

"umm…the silver-definitely!" Alexis smiled.

As they were sitting in the chairs getting their toes done Alexis's cell phone beeped indicating a text message. After seeing Alexis text back and forth for a few minutes she noticed a smile spread across the teenagers face.

"OK kid spill."  
"What are you talking about?"  
"Oh come on Lex, you have the biggest smile on your face. What did Ashley say?" She said in a teasing tone.

Alexis blushed. "He just asked if…hey wait-how did you know it was Ashley?"  
Kate rolled her eyes as she reached her hand out, indicating she wanted the girl's phone. Alexis sighed as she handed Kate the phone, "Never play in one of your dads poker games Alexis."

"Hey!"

She laughed at the teen's expression as she turned her attention to the cell phone. As she looked at the conversation between the two kids she smiled,

**-Hey Lex whatcha doin?**

**-I'm at the salon with Detective Beckett getting manicures and pedicures! She asked me to have a girls day with her! I think she and my dad wanted to distract me from the fact my mom ditched me again. Gotta say…its cheering me up! **

**-That's nice. She seems really sweet. **

**-She's the best!**

**-So are y'all gonna be back for dinner?**

**-I don't know why?**

**- What do you say I take you out to a restaurant of your choice? I wanted a chance to do something to cheer you up too ;) **

Kate turned to Alexis and smiled, "Aww that's so sweet Lexi!"

"I know!" Alexis squealed. "Do you think dad will mind?"

Kate handed Alexis back her phone, "Oh I think he can be persuaded." Kate smiled as she took her own cell phone out of her pocket.

"What are you gonna do?"  
Kate just smirked at her, "You'll see…" She said as she started texting away.

**-Hey writer-boy...your daughter just got asked out on a date so she's ditchin me for dinner—whaddya say we order a pizza and have a movie night?**

**-Ugh Kate do you have to call it a DATE? She's my little girl!**

**-Aww I know Castle but come on…she IS 16…**

**-I know I know…its just…**

**-I know its hard…but don't you want her to have fun?**

**-ok fine fine…tell her she can go—but you owe me ice cream!**

Kate smiled, "I am good" she said as she handed Alexis her phone.

"Eeek!" Alexis screeched as she read through the texts, "He said yes! You actually got him to say yes! Thank you thank you thank you! You really _are_ the best! I can't wait to tell Ash!" Alexis practically threw Kate's phone back at her before she started texting furiously.

Kate laughed at the girl and shook her head; 'teenagers' she thought. She opened up her phone to text Castle.

**-You just made your daughters day! I can't tell you how excited she is! She's grinning from ear to ear!**

**Yeah yeah-just don't forget my ice cream. **

Kate rolled her eyes and chuckled as she shut the phone and looked over at Alexis who was still smiling and texting, "So…what restaurant are you picking for your _DATE?"_

"Antonio's"

"Ohh Italian-VERY good choice my dear. I have taught you well!" They both laughed.

"After this you have to help me find a new outfit! And oh…what am I gonna do with my hair?"

"Don't worry Lex, we will find you the PERFECT outfit and when we get back I'll help you with your hair and make-up. You'll look so good your dad will wish he had said no."

"Are you serious? You would do that?"

Kate looked at the girl surprised, "Of course! I'd love to! Why wouldn't I?"

"Well I mean my own mom…" Alexis looked down, not wanting to continue.

Kate reached over and grabbed Alexis' hand, "I'm really sorry your mom cancelled again sweetie…"

Alexis took a deep breath to collect herself before looking back up at Kate and forcing a smile, "No big deal. It's not like it was a surprise and besides, I don't need…"

Kate interrupted her and squeezed her hand, "Alexis, it's ok to be angry and upset about it."

"I don't need to be…I don't even want her here. Anyway…what should I wear tonight? I was thinking about getting a cute pair of dark straight leg jeans and I can wear them with my brown boots."

Kate sighed 'man this girl is just as stubborn as her father', she thought. Knowing she wasn't going to get anything out of Alexis she let it go, "That sounds awesome. Maybe we can find a nice flowy top to go with it."  
"Oh that'd be perfect!"

The pair walked into the loft hours later carrying numerous bags. When Castle saw them he laughed, "Jeez guys is there anything left in the store?"

Alexis rolled her eyes at her father, "Oh come on dad don't be so dramatic! It's not _that_ much stuff."  
Rick looked at Kate with wide eyes, "That! Did you see that!? Did you see what _you_ taught my daughter? Now I have to deal with two women rolling their eyes at me!"

Kate and Alexis just laughed as they started towards the stairs, "Don't forget about Grams dad! I'm sure we could teach her!"

Rick just groaned as the two laughed louder.

Once Alexis had changed into her outfit she went to the bathroom where Kate was getting everything ready.

"Ok Lex have a seat. So what do you want to do with your hair? Up…down? Curly…straight?

Alexis sat down, "Can you curl it like yours? I love the way you do your hair. I wanted to learn how to do that."  
Kate smiled, "Sure." She brushed the young girls hair then sectioned it off and taking a small portion, began putting in the loose curls. After she did a few she looked at Alexis in the mirror who smiled and nodded her approval. Kate was halfway done with Alexis' hair and was working on the back when Alexis grew silent. Kate looked at her in the mirror again and saw the girl was deep in thought. "Penny for your thoughts," she said softly.

The girl's expression immediately changed as she was shaken from her trance, "Huh? What?"  
Kate sighed as she set the curling iron down and spun the chair around so she and Alexis would be face to face, "Alexis I know you…I know what you're thinking."

"Really? Then what am I thinking?"

Kate took a deep breath, "You're thinking your mom should be the one here helping you get ready for your date…not me." When Alexis looked down Kate put her hand on Alexis' knee, squeezing it, "Hmmm? Am I close?"

Alexis looked up at Kate, "Kate…I….I really don't want to talk about this…"

"Alexis…"

"Please Kate…."

Kate relented and spun the stool around and picked the curling iron up to finish the back of Alexis's hair. Neither spoke while she was finishing and when she set the curling iron down Kate broke the silence, "Alexis…you know you can always talk to me right?" Alexis just nodded, "Ok good, as long as you know that." Kate wrapped her arms around Alexis from behind, "I'm always here kid."

Alexis squeezed Kate's arms that were around her, "Thanks Kate."

Kate gave her one last squeeze before she let go. "Ok hand me the hairspray." Alexis did as she was instructed and Kate lightly sprayed it through her red hair and turned her around to face her. She smiled, "Alright now for the fun part…make up!" Alexis giggled as she turned sideways to grab her make-up bag.

When Alexis and Kate walked into Castle's office he stopped writing and looked up, "Jeez Beckett…did you have to make her look so beautiful?"  
Kate laughed and Alexis smiled as she twirled around for her dad, "You really think so?"  
Rick shut his lap top and walked over to Alexis, enveloping her in a hug, "Yes. You look gorgeous Alexis."

"Thanks dad!" When the doorbell rang Alexis pulled away, "Yay! That's Ashley!" She said as she ran to get the door. Kate and Castle followed.

"Hey Ashley!"

"Hey Alexis! You look…amazing!" the young boy stuttered trying to find his words.

Rick looked at Kate at whispered, "See what you did? You see the way he's looking at her!"

Kate swatted his arm, "Oh…seriously?"

"Hey Ashley, I'll meet you at the elevator, I just have to grab my purse."

"Ok sounds good. Goodnight Mr. Castle, Detective Beckett."  
"Night Ashley" they both said in unison. He walked towards the elevator and Alexis ran to get her purse.

"See Castle, he is a perfectly polite kid."

"Yeah yeah" he mumbled and Kate just rolled her eyes.

Alexis came running down the stairs towards Kate and Rick. She hugged her father, "Bye dad! Thanks!"  
"You're welcome Alexis. Have fun…just…not to much fun."

This time both Kate and Alexis rolled their eyes. Alexis ran to the door but stopped suddenly and ran back, surprising Kate as she wrapped her in a hug, "Thank you Kate, for everything."  
"Anytime Alexis." She smiled. As Alexis walked toward the door Kate yelled out, "Hey Lex, make sure that he knows your dads got someone with a gun…and who can stage a murder without leaving evidence looking out for you."

Alexis turned around and Kate winked at her. Alexis laughed, "Thanks Kate."

When Alexis walked out the door Rick sighed, "I can't believe she's going out on dates now. I don't think I like this very much." He said as he looked at Kate and made a pouty face.

"Aww come on Castle," She said as she grabbed his arm and started leading him to the kitchen, "The pizza won't be here for a little while but we can start with dessert. I brought chocolate ice cream…"

"Yes!" He smiled and she shook her head. He was as easy to distract as a child.

When Alexis walked in Kate and Rick were sitting on the couch watching the 2nd movie of the night. Kate was sitting sideways with her back against the arm of the couch and her legs stretched over Castle's lap, while Castle had his arms resting lightly on them.

"Hey guys!" She smiled as she walked into the den.

"Hey sweetie, looks like you had fun." Castle said, pausing the movie and looking at her glowing face.

"Yeah it was great, he even took me to get frozen yogurt."

"That's so sweet!" Kate smiled, "But, he didn't try any funny business right? Do I need to go scare him-I have my gun…"  
Alexis rolled her eyes, "Relax mom…he was a perfect gentleman." As soon as she said it Alexis slapped her hands over her mouth. She hadn't met to say that it just…came out. Kate and Rick looked at each other then back at Alexis who was beginning to get tears in her eyes. Without saying a word she turned and ran out of the room.

"Alexis wait!" Rick said starting to get off the couch to go after her.

Kate put her hand on his arm to stop him. He looked at her confused. "Let me go talk to her ok?" Rick just nodded and Kate got up and walked out of the room.

**Ok so there's chapter 2! There won't be any spoilers in this story and…I don't know if Alexis was 17 or 16 during Season 3 but in this story she is 16…(I'm taking some creative liberties).**


	3. Chapter 3

**Wow! Ok so I have gotten lots of follows and favorites! Thank you so much! That at least tells me that people are actually reading and enjoying it so that is so awesome! Writing and reading is my escape…so I am happy if I can provide that for anyone. A few things I want to say before you read this chapter…**

**One…I honestly don't know if Alexis would react this way. We all know her character is very level headed and put together but hey—this is fiction right? Same goes for Kate's character. **

**Second…I am sorry this is such a long chapter but I knew where I wanted to cut it…and there was a lot that happened in between. I could have separated it at another point…but I really wanted to keep the two story lines together. **

**Third…I am so sorry for any confusion—no Castle and Beckett are not together in this story…yet ;). **

**Keeping that in mind (and the disclaimer that I own nothing)—I hope you enjoy **

When Kate got to Alexis' room the door was shut so she knocked, "Hey Lex it's me…can I come in?" When she received no answer she tried again, "Come on Alexis, please?" When she received no answer she decided to just go in. She opened the door and slowly walked in. Her heart broke as she saw the young girl sitting on her bed squeezing her pillow, tears falling down her face. She went and sat next to Alexis on the bed. She expected Alexis to pull away but instead she let go of her pillow and latched on to Kate for dear life. "Oh sweetheart," she said as she held the girl as tight as she could. When she felt Alexis calm down a little she pulled away enough to look at her, "Honey please talk to me." She said as she wiped the tears off of Alexis' face.

Alexis just shook her head, "I don't want to talk about it."  
"Come on Lex its just me...talk to me."  
"Just forget it Kate."  
Kate sighed. "No Alexis," she said sternly, "I'm not just going to forget it. I'm sorry but I care about you too much to 'just forget it'."

By this time Castle had wandered up the stairs. He was not intending to listen in on their conversation but Alexis' door was cracked and…oh who was he kidding? He knew he should give them privacy but it was his little girl and she was upset. When he heard what she said next he stopped in his tracks.

"Well I don't know why you care…my own mother doesn't…"

Castles blood boiled when he heard this. Meredith had no right to do this to Alexis.

"Alexis that's not true…" Kate started but Alexis interrupted her.

"And why should she I'm a horrible daughter!" Alexis practically yelled.

"Alexis Castle! I never want to hear you say anything like that ever again!" Alexis looked away so Kate gently grabbed her face, "Alexis, you are NOT a horrible daughter! You are the best daughter anyone could ask for."

"Well my own mother doesn't even want to be a part of my life. And I am a horrible daughter! I….I called someone else mom!"

"Alexis…" Kate tried again, but she decided it was better to let her vent.

"I am so so sorry Kate! I really didn't mean to say that it just…came out. You've just been so sweet to me today and everything you did for me…my mom has never even done that and it just…it was nice to have a girl to talk to about stuff and...ugh you must think I'm such an awful person. I love my mom, really I do its just…it never feels like she's my mom. It's like she's the fun aunt who comes to visit and take you out once and a while. She knew how much this weekend meant to me but that didn't matter to her! Why? Why doesn't she care? Why…"

Kate cut her off there, "ALEXIS," she said more sternly. That got her attention. "Honey, take a few deep breaths ok?" Once Alexis did that Kate continued, "Ok, first-you have NOTHING to be sorry about alright. Second-I could NEVER think you are an awful person. And finally…your mom DOES care, I promise."

"Yeah right…"

By this time Castle has sat down in the hallway. He put his head in his hands…what was he going to do. On one hand he wanted to call Meredith and tell her off but…ok… there were no buts, he decided. He just wanted to call her and tell her off.

"Alexis you know she cares she just…has her own way of showing it."  
"Right…by ditching me constantly?"

"I…Lex…" Kate didn't know what to say…Alexis had a point. So, she decided on just being honest with the girl. She took a deep breath, "Look, I know that it must feel that way and I am so, so sorry it does…but I promise you Alexis—your mother love you, so much. Regardless of how busy she is…that will never change."

Castle couldn't believe what he was hearing. Kate had been furious with Meredith for hurting Alexis, but here she was defending her in order to make Alexis feel better. She was truly incredible.

"You're defending her!?" Alexis said immediately getting defensive, "You said you were always here for me, you're supposed to be on my side!"Alexis was nearly yelling when she finished the sentence. She swung her legs over the bed to run out of the room but Kate grabbed her wrist to stop her.

"Hold it right there young lady!" Alexis tried to pull away but Kate didn't let her. She pulled Alexis back down on the bed but she refused to meet Kate's eyes, "I am NOT defending her! And I AM on your side Alexis…I will ALWAYS be on your side." Kate sighed, "Sweetie look at me." When that didn't work she tried again, "Alexis…" When Alexis finally looked at her Kate's heart broke as she saw fresh tears in her blue eyes. She took Alexis face in her hands, "Honey, no one, and I mean NO ONE… no one or nothing, could keep me from being on your side."  
Alexis looked down again and softly spoke, "One day when you see it..."

At first Kate was confused…but then it dawned on her. Oh no…no no no. That could not be what she meant. If it was…oh…a new round of anger at the girl's mother flooded through her body.

Outside the door Castle was having similar thoughts. If his daughter said what he thought she was going to say, forget calling Meredith to scream at her-forget that. He would go to New York to scream at her in person.

Kate was almost afraid to ask, "Alexis….what am I going to see?"

Alexis pulled her hands away from Kate and wiped her eyes. "You know what Kate, I'm fine. It's really no big deal. I'm sorry…I got a little emotional, I shouldn't have. I'm ok. I'm just gonna go take a shower and read before I go to bed."

Castle heard Alexis get off the bed and he jumped to his feet, listening to see if she was coming toward the door and ready to flee so he wouldn't be caught.

"Alexis please…." Kate sighed as she got off the bed and walked over to where Alexis was now searching for a t-shirt and pajama pants in her dark cherry wood dresser. "You need to talk about this…"

Rick held his breath listening to see if he was going to have to make a break for it or not.

Alexis didn't even stop to look back at Kate as she went to grab a pair of white socks from her top right drawer, "No I don't Kate. I don't need to talk about it because I'm fine. It's no big deal. It's over and done and like I said, I got a little emotional and I shouldn't have but its fine so…no need to talk about it ok. I'm gonna take a shower."

Kate ran a hand through her hair…only able to think of one thing to do. It's what Lanie had done to her one time when she needed to talk but wouldn't because she was to damn stubborn. But…should she do it? Alexis was a kid not an adult but…she was certainly acting like an adult and heck, she was more mature than her father, they all knew that. But…would it just upset her more? Oh hell, she didn't have this time to think about it-Alexis was almost to the door and she had to do something. So, remembering Lanie's words she took a breath and got her best interrogation voice ready. 'Here goes nothing,' she thought. "BULLSHIT Alexis!" She didn't scream it but there was authority in her voice. She was proud she was able to muster her detective voice and confidence when, right now, she was anything but confident. She had no clue if she was doing the right thing. But…when Alexis heard her she stopped in her tracks, hand on the doorknob-to stunned to keep walking out.

When Castle heard Alexis' footsteps he started to quickly walk away but stopped as he heard Kate's stern voice. What the….what was she doing? Did she just say…oh boy…'Kate what is your plan here?' Castle muttered to himself. He slowly walked back to his listening place, standing in case her plan didn't work and he had to flee.

When Alexis froze Kate let out a silent breath, 'ok…ok so far so good,' she thought. Kate started slowly walking towards Alexis and, still using her interrogation voice, just a little softer, she continued, "That's bullshit Alexis, and you know it! It's not fine, YOU'RE not fine!" Kate stopped when she got close to the door, wanting to give Alexis her space. Alexis was still frozen with her hand on the doorknob, her back to Kate. Kate saw her hand grip the doorknob tightly while she held her clothes to her chest with her other, "Now…cut the CRAP kid, sit down, and talk to me!"

Alexis finally turned around and Kate could tell she was fighting tears. It killed her that Alexis was always trying to be so strong and mature. Kids weren't supposed to do that. "I…" Alexis didn't even know what to say. She just sunk down the wall next to her door sitting on the floor, dropping her clothes and wrapping her arms around her knees.

Kate sat down in front of her. The tough love got through to her, good. Now, she just needed to get her to talk. Still using Lanie's words, as they were appropriate for Alexis as well, Kate softened her voice. "You know, you don't always have to be so strong Alexis." That was all it took and before she knew it, Alexis buried her head in her knees, sobbing. "Oh Lex…" she sighed as she wrapped her arms around Alexis, holding her as tight as she could. Alexis lifted her head from her knees and buried it in Kate's shoulder.

When Castle heard Alexis sobbing he sat back down against the wall, knowing it was safe for now. He shook his head. His daughter was sobbing-she was so upset she broke in front of Kate. That…Alexis didn't do that. And no one would get away with hurting his baby that much…even if it was her mother. He got his phone out of his pocket and in haste typed a text to Meredith.

'_**pity you aren't able to see how much you are hurting your daughter. She is in her room sobbing because of you! I'm going to make sure you never do this to her again. She doesn't need you and you want to know why? She has me, and my mother but most of all, she doesn't need to because she has Kate. That's right…she has Kate-who is more of a mother to her than you have ever been. She has never, and would never, do anything to hurt Alexis. And Alexis trusts her and loves her more than she will ever love you. You're going to lose your daughter Meredith. Hell, you already have lost her. So, when she starts calling someone else mom, and wanting to be with them instead of you because they actually love her and don't hurt her, don't you DARE complain to me. Don't call me upset because you aren't going to see your daughter.'**_

He re-read the message. To mean? Should he send it? He couldn't do it. He wanted to…he really wanted to but…he he had to be the adult here right? As weird as that seemed. He sighed and deleted the message, listening as Kate continued to try and comfort Alexis.

When Kate felt Alexis calm down a little she pulled back to look at the girl. Alexis looked up at her with red-rimmed eyes, "honey," she said as she wiped the tears off the girls cheek, "It's ok. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

Alexis looked down, "for now…" she said softly. So softly Kate almost didn't hear it.

"What? Alexis…this has to do with what you said earlier doesn't it?" Alexis just nodded. 'Please,' Kate thought, 'Please don't let her say what I think she's going to say'. "Alexis, what am I going to see?" When Alexis didn't answer Kate put her hand on her knee and squeezed it, "Alexis please, tell me. What am I going to see? And what do you mean by 'for now'?"

"Ask _Meredith_." Alexis said, her voice shaky and full of distain as she said her mother's name.

"Alexis..." Kate's heart shattered into a million pieces for the girl sitting in front of her who couldn't even stand to call her mother 'mom'. Man she wanted to give Meredith a piece of her mind. She had to remember though that right now, Alexis was more important that telling the woman off. That…that would come later. And it WOULD happen.

"She…she obviously already sees it…"  
"Sees WHAT Alexis? What is it? What does your mom see? What am I going to see?" She knew what Alexis was going to say…but Alexis needed to say it. And she was still hoping she was wrong because if she was right and she heard Alexis say that….it would just kill her. She could tell Alexis was struggling. She knew she wanted to tell her but was also afraid to. "Alexis you can tell me anything, you know that."

"I…I don't know what exactly. It's just…whatever…whatever…"

"Whatever what baby?" Kate said softly trying to encourage her. As much as she didn't want to hear it…they needed to talk about it.

Alexis took a deep breath and looked down, "Whatever's wrong with me."

And there it was. Even though Kate expected it, it still hit her like a ton of bricks.

Kate had to keep her own tears at bay as she grabbed Alexis' hands and bent her head down to meet her eyes, "Alexis nothing, NOTHING, is wrong with you. It has nothing at all to do with you, it's…" Man, how did she say this without telling the kid her mother was just a horrible person.

Alexis shook her head, "Yeah, yeah I know…it's not me it's _her_. Dad tells me that all the time."

"But you don't believe it?" Kate asked softly.  
"Kate she makes time for everyone else except me. All of her friends, her agents, producers, she has time for everyone BUT me! How could it not be me? I'm her daughter…if she can make time for everyone else…people she isn't related to…it HAS to be me."  
"Alexis…" Kate started but then stopped. She could tell Alexis was losing control and that was what the girl needed. She needed to get it out…she needed to be upset, mad, and angry. Hell, she was upset, mad, and angry.

"I just…what is it Kate? What did I do? What is wrong with me? Do you see it? When are you going to see it? When are you gonna want nothing to do with me too? I know it's only a matter of time but…I just have to know what it is and I can't…I can't figure it out." Alexis started

sobbing again, "Please Kate just tell me. I…I need to know. Please!"

Outside, Rick felt his eyes tearing up. This was what he was afraid Alexis was going to say.

"Oh Alexis…" Kate said cupping her cheek, fighting to not lose the battle with her tears.

"Kate please…what is it? I try so hard to…to be a good daughter. I g..go with her when she wants me to. I nev…never get mad at her. Never t…tel..tell her I'm upset with her." Alexis could barely get the words out between her sobs.

Alexis was taking shallow breaths and she put a hand on her head-Kate guessed because she was getting lightheaded. Kate realized she was so upset she was on the verge of hyperventilating, "Alexis…Alexis you need to calm down ok…I don't want you to pass out on me."

"Wh…why am I not good enoug..enough. I just..I just wa..want a..a mo..mom. I jus..I'm no..not good enou..enough. I won..won't have an…any" Kate started getting worried as Alexis got more pale and her breaths became more shallow. Alexis was so upset she was panicking. Kate knew the signs. Although she never told anyone, she had had this after her mom was killed. Images of her mother in that dark alley would send her in a panic many nights. Alexis looked at Kate with fear in her eyes, "Kate I...I can't breathe."

Kate grabbed Alexis' hands tightly and placed them with hers above her heart so Alexis could feel her steady breaths. "Alexis just look at me ok. You feel me breathing, just breath with me in and out," Alexis looked so scared, "You're ok Alexis you're ok-I promise. Just keep focusing on me and breathing with me ok." Alexis nodded as she tried to breathe-gripping Kate's hands as tight as she could.

Once Alexis calmed down enough to talk her look turned from fear to confused, "Kate? What…"  
Kate squeezed her hands tight, "Lex you had a panic attack."

"Wha? But…but why? I…"  
"You've never talked about this have you? About how much it really hurts you…" Alexis just looked down so Kate tugged her arm to make her look at her, "Sweetie you can't do that. You can't just hold it in and keep it all to yourself. When you do…this happens. Things-they build up. You have to talk about it." After a few moments of silence Kate spoke up softly, "Lex why have you been doing this? Why haven't you talked to someone about it?" Alexis just shrugged her shoulders and Kate sighed.

After a few moments of silence Alexis spoke up softly, "Kate?"

"Yeah?"  
'I…I'm sorry I kind of yelled at you earlier."

Kate smiled and scooted to sit next to Alexis against the wall, "Talk to me and we're even…"

Alexis nodded but it was a few minutes before she broke the silence, "I'm so sick of this Kate," she said whispering.

"I know sweetie…"  
"No I mean…I'm sick of pretending. I'm sick of acting like it's no big deal that she never keeps her promises. I'm sick of acting like its ok! I'm sick of…of…"

She saw Alexis struggling so she jumped in whispering, "Of acting like it doesn't hurt you?" Alexis just nodded, another tear slipping down her cheek. Kate grabbed her hand and squeezed her tight-more of Lanie's words coming out of her mouth, "you don't have to pretend honey. It's ok to be mad or angry or upset. And it's ok to talk about it. I know you try and be the adult and be strong and independent...but it doesn't make you weak Alexis. It's ok to ask for help, it's ok to fall apart and be sad. I already told you, you don't always have to be so strong all the time."

Kate couldn't help but wonder what Castle would think if he heard this. He would probably laugh and say she was the pot calling the kettle black-or have some other witty response, including one about her taking her own advice-she wished she could. She had no idea Castle was right outside the door having those exact thoughts.

"How do I not care anymore?" Alexis asked all of the sudden, shaking Kate from her thoughts. "How do I not let it upset me? I just…I just wish it didn't hurt so much."

"Oh honey. I…I wish there was some magic words that could fix it…" Alexis just looked down, "but you know…I think this is a start. Talking about things always helps. It doesn't mean it won't hurt but…not pretending anymore, and giving yourself permission to be mad and upset…it will make it better. And I know you don't want to tell your mom how you feel but I really think if you do it will help."

"But if I tell her she'll just get all defensive and angry then I will never see her." Alexis shook her head, "God I'm so pathetic."  
"What?" Kate asked in disbelief.

"I'm pathetic," she repeated, "I mean…all she does is hurt me. I shouldn't want to see her or have anything to do with her…"

"Alexis you are not pathetic! She's your mother, of course you care and want to spend time with her."  
"But…but how can I be so angry with her and worried about her being mad at me at the same time? If I'm angry shouldn't that mean I don't care?"  
Kate put her arm around the young girl, "I wish it was that simple Alexis but…when we love someone, things are never simple."  
"I just, I don't want to care anymore. Every time she tells me she's coming I try not to get my hopes up because I know how she is but I just…I can't help it. It makes me feel so stupid."

Kate nodded, now this she could completely understand, "Alexis if I tell you something I've never told anyone can you keep a secret?" Alexis nodded.

Castle started wondering if he should leave. If she was going to say something she didn't want anyone else hearing he really shouldn't be listening right? But he couldn't resist listening. He had a feeling that he was about to get another piece to the puzzle that was Katherine Beckett.

"I know EXACTLY how you feel. After my mom died and my dad started drinking I...he told me so many times he was going to stop. It would go for 1 month or 3 months and I would think great, I have my dad back this is amazing. And then…he would fall back off the wagon and it would start all over again. Every time he told me he stopped drinking I would tell myself now, don't get to hopeful you know what's going to happen but in the back of my mind I couldn't help but hope this time would be it…that this was the time I was going to get my dad back. No matter how many times I told myself not to believe it…there was always a part of me that was hopeful, even though I was afraid to be. He has been sober for 7 years…7 years and I…there is still a part of me that is afraid to be hopeful even after all this time. On her birthday, or on the anniversary of her death I…I always hold my breath because I know it'll only take one little drink for him to slip but I…I can't help be a little hopeful because he's my dad."

Alexis looked stunned, "Kate I…I'm so sorry I didn't know…"  
Kate smiled, "That wasn't the point sweetie. The point is…when we love someone, there is always going to be a little part of you that hopes you can believe in that person no matter how many times they've hurt you. When we love someone, we can't give up on them. I don't know if that fear ever goes away but…I do think it's normal to continue to want to believe in someone you love-no matter how much we don't want to."

"So you felt stupid to?"  
"You know…I did, every time. I felt very stupid and I would get angry at myself. I would beat myself up because it felt like it was my fault because I let myself believe," Alexis nodded her understanding, "But…" she continued, "even though that is how it feels…you have to know it is NOT stupid of you. Having hope? That's a good thing-never get mad at yourself or feel stupid for being hopeful ok?"

"Ok," Alexis said as she leaned her head on Kate's shoulder. Kate smiled as she gently rested her head on top of Alexis'. "Since you told me something if…if I tell you something I've never told anyone…will you keep it a secret?"

Kate lifted her head to look at the girl, "Our same rule as always honey-as long as it's not something that puts you or anyone else in danger, your secrets safe with me."

Castle smiled. This was why he trusted Kate with his life. Although the first time his daughter had talked to her before him he was a little upset, he was never worried. He knew if it was something big, if Alexis was in any kind of trouble, Kate would not hesitate to tell him.

Alexis took a deep breath, "I just, I…I love my mom I do-I promise. I really love her but sometimes I just wish...she was more like you or you were my mom or…it's just…you've been so sweet to me and you actually care about me and spend time with me-my own mom doesn't even do that and it's nice to actually have someone and I just want a mom that that actually cares and…oh God I AM a horrible daughter," Alexis said as she brought her knees up and buried her head in them.

"Alexis..." she said rubbing her back.

Alexis looked up at her, "I'm so sorry Kate I'm so sorry I just…I just wish she cared and you do care and I don't' get how you can care but my own mom can't and…I 'm really sorry I shouldn't have said anything I don't…"  
"Lex.," Kate interrupted, "I think that is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me so please do not be sorry. I wish more than anything I could give you a mom that would treat you the way you deserve and I am so sorry I can't but...I CAN give you someone that cares about you and will always be here for you. And I know it doesn't seem like it but I promise you, your mom DOES care. She may not be the best at showing it but she does care and she does love you. You have to believe that. And no matter what Alexis you will have me ok. I can't change your mom and I know it's not the same but…I'm here. I'll always be here." Alexis looked at Kate with disbelief and doubt, "you don't believe me do you?'

"Kate my mom left, Gina left…my dad has been through so much. They really hurt him; both of them and when you leave I...I don't know how he'll deal. I just don't want him to get hurt. I just worry about him being attached and…"

Kate interrupted her right there, "What about you?"  
"What?"  
"You…all of the sudden you made it about your dad. What about you?"

Alexis shrugged, "you don't get attached you don't get hurt."

"Oh Alexis…"  
"Please don't Kate I don't want to..."  
"No Alexis I think you need to hear this. You aren't just concerned about your dad. If you were, you would have brought this up a long time ago. I think...I think you're scared because maybe YOU are starting to get attached…"  
"No Kate...my, my dad…" Alexis denied but her face told Kate she had hit the nail on the head as she couldn't look her in the eyes.

"Sweetheart it's ok."  
"No it's not Kate."  
"Why?"  
"Because when…when you…"

"When I leave?" After a few moments of silence Kate continued, "Look honey I…I know between what has happened with your mom and Gina you have absolutely no reason to believe me when I say I'm not going anywhere but…"  
This time it was Alexis that interrupted, "Kate my dad isn't gonna shadow you forever…you know that. What happens when he's done huh? You can't tell me when that happens you'll still be around."  
"Yes I can."

"What?" Alexis asked in disbelief.  
"Alexis even when your dad decides he has enough research he doesn't need to shadow me anymore he and I will still be friends. And you need to know that, more importantly, no matter what happens I will always, ALWAYS, be here for you. Regardless of whether your dad is shadowing me or not…regardless of whether your dad and I are friends or not, that would never change me being here for you.

"If that's not true with my own mother how…why would it be true for you?"

Kate sighed. She had to admit it…Alexis did have a good reason to be asking. What did you say to that? How-how did you answer that question? With the truth? "Because …because I'm not her Alexis, I'm me. And…and you know me. I think you're afraid to admit it but deep down, you know you can trust me. You know I'm telling you the truth. You know I would never do that. I'm not going to just leave or not be in your life anymore."

Alexis finally looked at Kate, "You promise?" she asked, barely audible.  
"Yes," Kate said seriously, "I PROMISE." Kate wrapped her arms around her, "I'm not going to let you down Alexis, believe me."

Kate and Alexis sat like that for a while before Kate just had to ask again, "Alexis, why haven't you talked to someone about this?" When Alexis didn't answer she pulled away to look at her, keeping an arm wrapped around her, "Huh? Why have you kept this all to yourself?"

Alexis buried her head into Kate's shoulder, "I just can't."

"Why? Why can't you?"

"And who would I talk to? I can't talk to my mom that'll make her care even less, Grams already hates her. If I talk to her she'll just go on a tangent about how awful she is and how she knew she would do this again and dad…I just…he already feels bad about what she does-I know it. I don't want him to feel worse. I don't want him to be more upset about it. I can't tell him how I feel; it'll hurt him even more. I just…I just can't do that to him."

"Where do I even start," Kate said softly. Her heart was breaking even more for this girl. She felt she couldn't talk to anyone? That was so wrong…so so wrong, "Lex your mom should know how much she is hurting you-YOU deserve to tell her that…for you. Your grandmother…I understand what you're saying but she loves you and if you needed her to just listen and not say a word I KNOW she would do that. And your dad—Sweetie I hate to break it to you but you aren't hiding anything by not talking to him about how you feel. He knows how much it hurts you. It already breaks his heart that your mom does this and the last thing he would ever want is for you to act like you were fine for his benefit, especially since he knows this is what comes from it. He loves you more than anything and it would kill him to know you are putting all this pressure on yourself."  
"Really?"

"Oh Alexis yes really. Your dad…you mean everything to him and he would want to do anything in his power to make you feel better. And that includes listening to how you feel about this, even if it is hard for him to hear. And it is hard for him to hear, you're his little girl and your hurt but I guarantee you he would rather you talk to him about it. Don't ever feel like you can't talk to anyone. You…you have so many people who care about you and love you and would do anything in the world for you."

Alexis finally looked up and shyly asked, "And-and I can talk to you right? If I can't talk to dad or Grams I...can I talk to you?"

"Oh Lex you can always, ALWAYS talk to me; no matter what. Don't you ever, EVER forget that ok." Alexis nodded and buried her head in Kate's shoulder again.

"What about you Kate?"  
"What?" Kate asked confused.

Alexis lifted her head off Kate's shoulder, "When you told me about your dad you said you had never told anyone that before."  
"Yeah…" Kate said hesitantly. She had a funny feeling she wasn't going to like where this was going.

"But…you said it still bothered you. So, if it still bothers you, why haven't you talked to someone about it?"

Aaannndd she was right. She didn't like where this was going.

Outside Castle jaw dropped. His daughter had just asked Kate, point blank, what he had been trying to find out for years.

"Alexis it's not"

"It is the same," Alexis interrupted, knowing what Kate was going to say, "you told me it was bad to keep things in and not talk about them but why don't you?"  
Kate thought for a second. This girl had been honest with her and opened up to her, and trusted her even though it was hard for her. It seemed she owed her the same courtesy. But…how did she explain it. She took a deep breath, "I don't know Alexis I…I guess it's just what I'm used to now."

"But why?" The girl asked, "You know dad cares about you, he would help you in any way he could, why haven't you talked to him?"

Kate sighed, "Getting close to people; opening up and talking about things leads to getting close to people and letting them in and I guess after my mom was murdered I just…it just kind of made it seem like anyone could be taken away from you at any minute...and I care about your dad so if I talk to him and get closer to him I…I don't know it's complicated Alexis." Kate gave a small chuckle, "And if your dad finds out about this I will know it was from you..."

Alexis gave Kate a smile, "Understood. And, thank you."

"For what?"  
"For being honest with me." Alexis stated simply as she put her head back on Kate's shoulder, "I believe you." She whispered.

Kate smiled and squeezed her tight. When she felt Alexis' body get heavier against hers she looked and sure enough, the teenager was falling asleep, "Tired baby?"  
"Yeah" Alexis replied without even opening her eyes.  
"Why don't you go to sleep? Let it all go for a while."  
Alexis nodded and took her head off Kate's shoulder and stood up, grabbing her pajamas off the floor. Kate quickly stood up after her. "Kate I…I don't even know what to say. Thank you so much. Thank you for…thank you for caring about me."

"Don't thank me for caring Alexis. Just don't forget you are worth caring about. And...promise me you will never bury this again-come talk to me or your dad ok?" Alexis gave Kate the first real smile she'd seen all night as she nodded, "Ok good, now get some sleep kid." She smiled and squeezed her shoulder.  
"Goodnight Kate."  
"Night sweetie."

Castle quickly got up and started walking away but stopped as his daughter stopped Kate.

"Kate wait!" Alexis stopped her as her hand was on the doorknob. Alexis ran up and wrapped her arms around her, "I love you."

Kate had to contain her gasp of surprise. What now? Did Alexis just say? She did didn't she? Wow. "I love you too Alexis," she said finally recovering from the shock.

Castle smiled as he ran down to his office before he could be caught. Kate had just agreed to be in his daughters' life forever hadn't she? And on top of that she loved his kid. She truly cared and loved his kid. And he now understood her even more. Could he fall even harder for her?

"Sweet dreams kiddo" Kate said as she gave Alexis one last squeeze before letting her go, "Sleep well." Alexis nodded and smiled as Kate walked out and gently shut her door, leaning back against it giving a long sigh. Where had Rick gone? Probably his office to write. She began walking down stairs, all the while contemplating all the things she wanted to say to Meredith. Man was that woman going to get a piece of her mind. As she got downstairs she heard typing and knew she was right. She walked into the office, shutting the door so Alexis wouldn't hear them. "Ok can I slap Meredith now? Please?"

Rick looked up from his laptop, "Get in line," he muttered.

"That woman is just...just…ugh… she's unbelievable Castle!" Kate stated as she started pacing his office, "She is selfish, self absorbed, and she has no idea what she is doing to that sweet, amazing kid up there. She is to caught up in her own damn mess to even think about how much she is hurting her daughter. And does she even care?! Does she care that she is hurting Alexis? Does she CARE that she is making her feel like everything is her fault?"

Castle couldn't help but smile. He knew he shouldn't be but seeing how much Kate cared about his daughter…it was just so sweet. "Kate…" he started, trying to calm her down, but she was to busy pacing to hear him, or see his smile.

"Does she care that she is making her child think everyone is going to leave her because there is something wrong with her? I mean, she should be doing back flips trying to spend time with that wonderful girl, not making every excuse in the book making your daughter feel like crap! I swear Castle I…"

"Kate!" He said a little louder. This time she heard him and stopped pacing, "What?" she sighed.

He shut his laptop and got up, walking to her and wrapping his arms around her, "Thank you."  
It took a minute for the shock to wear off before she hugged him back, "For what Rick?"

He pulled back to look at her, "For this. For caring so much about my kid. For taking her out today to cheer her up. For talking to her when she was sad and making her feel better. For sticking up for her."  
"I would do anything for that girl Castle."  
He smiled, "So…she wants Meredith to be more like you huh?"  
"Only because she doesn't treat her as well as…wait how did you know that?"

He looked at her sheepishly, "I may have heard some of the conversation…"  
She narrowed her eyes at him, "How much of the conversation?" she asked, telling herself to stay calm. It was not time to panic. Just because he heard part of the conversation doesn't mean, doesn't mean he heard that... It didn't mean he knew…  
"Ummm…ahh…all of it?"

Her face fell. Ok..now time to panic, "Ok…right. Well uhh, it's getting late I should…go." She said as she started to walk out.

"Kate…" He said following her.

"Really I need to…"

"Kate don't do this…" He said grabbing her arm as she went to get her purse.

"Castle…" She said, not even looking up.  
"Come on…talk to me," he said softly.

Kate stilled, "Rick…I…"  
"Kate…you knew exactly what to do when Alexis was having a panic attack, you still think your dad might fall off the wagon and," he took a breath. He didn't want to push her but she needed to talk to someone, "and you basically told my daughter you didn't want to talk to me because you were afraid of getting to close to me."  
"I didn't say…"  
"Kate," he said turning her to look at him, "You did."

"I…I…" She started but there was a lump forming in her throat. Damn him.

He grabbed her hands, "You don't worry about getting close to someone unless you're scared about something and you don't know what to do when someone's having a panic attack unless you've had them, or have them." He added softly when she looked away.

"I can't Castle." She whispered trying to get her hand back but he gripped it tighter, "Please don't do this…"

"You are not leaving."  
Kate opened and closed her mouth a couple times, "Why?"

He cupped her cheek as she looked down, rubbing a thumb under her eyes. "You have dark circles under your eyes, you've been quiet, and it's close to the Anniversary-you've been worried about your dad and missing your mom and you've been having panic attacks for the same reason Alexis had one tonight; you aren't talking to anyone about it. You're just holding it in trying to figure it all out on your own."

Kate stiffened at his words, "Wha...what? Castle no. Now just let me go and…"

"Look me in the eyes, Kate. Look me in the eyes and tell me I'm wrong. Look me in the eyes and tell me you haven't been having nightmares, and breaking down when you're alone at night."

"I'm fine."  
"Oh you are not."  
"What do you want from me Castle?"

"I want you to talk to me. I want you to take the advice you gave Alexis and TALK about it. I want you to let me help you." When he saw the fight leave her face, replaced with sadness and hurt he continued, "I want you to trust me, and trust me to be here, always."

She shook her head furiously, "No no no, NO! Don't say that! You can NOT say that! You cannot say you will be here because you don't know!"

At first Castle was confused. She told Alexis she would always be here for her, why was she freaking out when he said it? But then it dawned on him—what she said to Alexis, about people being taken away from her…before he could think any further Kate was trying to leave.

"Kate don't leave…"  
"Castle just let me go!" She was fighting to get away until she felt her necklace. The ring-her mother's ring. At that moment her heart dropped, and she wasn't standing there with Rick, she was walking past the police tape into that dark alley, she was walking into her father's house to see him passed out drunk on the floor barely breathing. All of the sudden she let out a gasp and grabbed Castles hand, her voice shaky, "Rick…"

"Kate…Kate just breath ok."  
Kate shook her head, "Rick…"

"Hey, hey, its ok, its ok." He pulled her into a hug.

Her hands fisted into the back of his shirt as she tried to steady her breathing. Ok…that wasn't working.

Rick felt her shaking, "Hey" he whispered in her ear, "you feel me breathing, just breath. You're ok. I'm here. I'm here and I'm not letting go ok. I'm here, you're not alone." He continued to whisper in her ear and after several minutes it broke through the fog and she stopped shaking, beginning to breath normally again. He pulled away just enough to look her in the eyes, "Kate talk to me. Where did you go just now?" He asked gently rubbing a hand up and down her back.  
"I…I…" He could see the hurt and pain in her eyes "I just…I…my mom and…." She tried…but it was too hard. She took a breath, "Castle I can't do this."

"Kate it's ok" he encouraged softly, "It's ok." When she looked down and he saw silent tears running down her cheeks he let go of her, only to grab her hand, "Come on," he said leading her to the couch. Kate allowed herself to be lead to the couch. He sat her down and squeezed her hand, "Kate please, you have to talk about this. If you don't it's just gonna eat away at you and…"  
Kate went to get up, "I can handle it Castle."

He grabbed her hand and pulled her back down, "No you can't. Kate, you are the strongest person I know but no one could handle this. If you could handle this, you wouldn't be having a panic attack in my living room."

"I…" Kate opened her mouth to protest but he couldn't deny any of what he just said.

"Kate please, trust me." He whispered.

Kate closed her eyes as tears leaked through and started to speak softly, "I do trust you Rick…"

"Then why won't you talk to me? Why won't you let me help you?"  
"I don't need to talk to you Castle! And I don't need your help." She snapped.

"Kate…"

Sure she was getting mad at him for nothing. He was only trying to help. But if she didn't get angry she would get upset and break and she couldn't do that, "No Castle! Just leave me alone." she said angrily as she tried to get up but he grabbed her arm to pull her back down.

If she could get angry so could he, "No Kate. I'm not gonna leave you alone. How could you make Alexis promise to talk to someone next time she's upset, and tell her how bad it is to keep things bottled up and then do that yourself!? You are doing exactly what you told her not to do!"

"What do you want me to say Castle?!" She said loudly as she yanked her arm away and got up to begin pacing, "Huh? What do you want me to say? Do you want me to say that I'm worried about my dad? That every time I talk to him I hold my breath wondering if he is going to sound normal or sound like he did when he was drinking? That with everything that has happened the last few months with the case I'm afraid he may not be able to handle it and stay sober? That this time of year is horrible and I miss my mom so damn much and with everything that's been going on all I can think about is solving this case? That the fact I can't stop thinking about it is scaring me because I'm afraid I'm going to fall back into that hole I was in after she was murdered?" She was losing steam now and starting to break. She slumped down against the wall to sit on the floor, "That every night I dread going to sleep because I know I'm just going to have nightmares about stabbings and alleyways and my dad passed out drunk? That I lay up at night running through this case in my head and I just don't understand why I can't figure it out? That it's killing me because I know I'm letting my mother down and I can't do anything about it? That the panic comes when I'm not even thinking about it and I haven't felt this way since my mother was murdered and that scares the shit out of me because..." Her voice started to break, "because if I fall back into that hole I...I don't think I can pull myself out again?"  
Castle had moved from the couch to sit next to Kate on the floor, "Oh Kate…" He said softly. She brought her legs up to her chest and buried her head in her hands. He grabbed her hands gently, "Kate look at me." When she didn't look up at him he gently cupped her cheek bringing her eyes to meet his, "You aren't alone this time Kate. You're not gonna fall down that hole again, ok. I'm not going to let you. I know you're scared Kate. You're scared of letting me in because you're afraid if you do you'll get close to me. Ever since you're mother was killed you don't want to get close to people because after that happened it seemed like anyone could be taken away from you at any second. You're afraid to get close to someone because you don't want to lose them."  
"That's not the problem Rick."  
"Ok. If that isn't the problem…what is?" he asked gently.

"That I'm already to close." She whispered

"What?" He asked confused.

She took a deep breath, "The problem isn't that I'm scared of getting to close to you. The problem is that I already am."

"Why is that a problem Kate?"

"Because it…I…I just…"  
"Because you don't want to be close to anyone so it won't hurt if you lose them?" He asked softly after seeing her struggling. She shrugged her shoulders, "Hey," he said squeezing her hand, "God Kate I, I can't even imagine what you've gone through, and with all the things that have been happening recently…I understand why you're scared, but just like you promised Alexis, I am not going anywhere ok? I promise." Kate just looked down. They sat in silence for a couple minutes until Castle couldn't take it anymore, "Come on Kate…say _something…"_She looked him in the eye and opened her mouth to talk and Castle thought that maybe he finally got through to her, until she closed her mouth and just shook her head, "Kate you can do this."

They were quiet for several more minutes until Kate's cell phone beeped in her pocket indicating a text message. Still being on alert she jumped when she heard it. Castle opened his mouth but she beat him to it, "Don't! Don't say it Castle," she said pulling her phone out not even looking at him. When she read the message she let out a soft chuckle and tears started pooling in her eyes. He looked at her questioningly. She thought for a second before handing him the phone, "Oh read it, she's gonna tell you anyway."

He raised a confused eyebrow at her but took the phone, letting out his own chuckle when he read the message from his daughter:

'**DON'T BE A HYPOCRITE! I love you!'**

"Well…she's right…" he said handing her the phone back.

"I know…" she said softly, "How did she even…"  
"Kate," he interrupted, "the neighbors probably heard you yelling…"

"Right…" she said putting her head back down in her heads, "God this is such a mess."  
"No it's not."

She raised her head to look at him, gesturing with her arms, "Yes it is Rick! You want me to talk but I can't and your daughter…"  
"Just loves you and wants to help because she's worried about you…and so am I," he added the last part quietly, "So please, talk to me. Tell me what's going on."  
She took a deep breath. Could she do this? Maybe it would be nice to talk to someone about it, maybe it would help the nightmares and the constant thinking and the panic. And she had been trying to figure it all out on her own for so long, maybe…maybe it would help? But then…no, no, she couldn't go there. She just had to do this…she has to do this because she doesn't know how much longer she can last pretending…man she was a hypocrite. Finally she spoke, "Every night…" she said softly, "every night I dread going home. When I'm at work I'm busy and I don't have time to think but when I get home…my mind doesn't stop until I'm busy again at work the next day. I just…I keep going over all of this in my head and I can't…I don't know why I can't figure it out." She met his eyes for the first time, tears falling from her eyes, "Why can't I figure it out Castle? The _one_ case that means _everything _to me and I can't figure it out. What is wrong with me? I've solved how many cases? And the one…"  
"Hey," he said stopping her wrapping his arms around her, "we will figure it out ok."

He felt her head shake 'no' against his shirt, "How Castle? Every time we think we're getting close something happens. They've been one step ahead of us the entire time. They have people involved everywhere protecting this thing. It's like no matter what I do…"

"I know…" he said just squeezing her tighter.

After a few minutes she spoke in barely a whisper, "We're never going to catch them are we?"

He released her enough to look her in the eyes. The pain he saw broke his heart, "Kate," he said wiping the tears from her eyes with his thumbs, "We WILL catch them…we will."

"No we won't Rick. We can keep trying but we can't beat this. And you know what, even if we do my mom…my mom will still be gone."

"Kate…"

"What if…what if we find them and…and…"  
"and what Kate?" He knew what she was getting at but also knew she needed to say it herself.  
"And it doesn't help like I think it will? I mean, I know it won't bring my mom back and I think it'll bring closure and help me move on but what if it doesn't. What if I still feel this hole inside me? What if I still can't get over it and move on?"

He just wrapped his arms around her and held her, "Nothing will bring your mom back. And this is not something you will EVER quote on quote get over…but…I do feel like it will give you some peace you know…just knowing."  
"But what if I still feel the same? What if the nightmares and the panic don't stop? What if I spent all this time searching and trying to figure this out because I thought that after I would finally be able to be happy but when it's finally over...God I sound crazy. I say all I want is to solve this case but then the thought of solving it…"  
"Scares you?" he finished when he saw she could get the words out.

She buried her head into his shoulder, "Terrifies me."  
They sat like that for several minutes, Kate holding onto him as tight as she could. He didn't want to upset her more, but he needed to ask, had to make sure, "Kate…is your dad ok?" He felt her stiffen at the mention of her father and bury her head deeper into his shoulder. When she didn't answer he squeezed her tighter, "Kate?"

"I…I don't know"  
He pulled back and gently brought her eyes to meet his and saw fresh tears threatening to fall, "You don't know?" he asked gently. She shook her head 'no'. "Kate come on don't shut me out now."

"I…I think my dad might be drinking again."

**And..there it is. Again, sorry it is so long…but like I said, I wanted to break it here. Let me know what you think?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Wow…just wow. I don't even have the words. I woke up this morning to so many reviews and alerts and favorites and follows—I can't tell you how much it made me smile. Writing is something really personal to me—so I've been really hesitant to share it—but now I am SO glad that I did. Fast updates aren't a problem since I just finished the story yesterday ****. I might make some little changes but it's all there! I'm not sure how many chapters it will wind up being, but I'm excited about it! ****So…here is another chapter!**

"Oh…oh Kate." He didn't know what to say. So, for a long time they just sat there. He finally spoke, "How long?"

"I…it doesn't…"

"How long Kate?" he interrupted firmly.

"Umm a…a couple months."

His eyes got big, "A couple months! Kate…why didn't you talk to me?"

"I…I couldn't…I can't Castle I…"

"Ok, ok," he said gently, "What's happening to make you think this? Have you seen him?" Kate just shook her head no. "Ok, then what's going on?"

"I'm wrong Castle, I'm…I have to be wrong."

"Kate, tell me what happened."

"He just…he's been acting like he did when he was drinking—dodging my phone calls, sounding off when I talk to him." She stopped as her breath got shaky.

"And what Kate?" he asked softly, squeezing her hand in encouragement.

"I haven't seen him for four months." she whispered.

"What?" Castle asked confused. That was weird. Usually she saw her dad once a week…or at least every other week when they had a busy case. 4 months…something _was_ off…

"He doesn't want to see me. Every time I actually talk to him I ask if he wants to meet up—he says he's busy. I ask if I can come by—he says he's not gonna be home. I ask him to come over—he says he can't."

"Why haven't you just gone over there?"

"Because, as much as I keep telling myself I'm wrong…I'm afraid I'm not and if…if I go over there and I'm not wrong I…I don't…"

"Then we go over there together."

"What?" she asked surprised.

"We do it together. So, if you are right. I'll be there with you. You won't be alone."

"You…you would do that for me?"

"Kate," he said, gently grabbing her face to make her look him in the eyes, "I would do _anything_ for you."

"I…I don't, I don't know what to say…"

"Say you'll let me come with you. Say you'll let me help you."

"I…I need you to come with me and…I…I'll try."

He smiled, "That's all I can ask. Now, there is a guest bedroom with your name on it."

"Rick no. I…"

"Hey," he said, standing up and pulling her with him, "you said you would try and let me help you. So humor me? Let me get you a tee shirt and a pair of boxers so you don't have to drive home this late. Let me make you a good breakfast before we go to your dads in the morning."

"I…"

"Kate, please. Tomorrow is Sunday so you don't have to be at the precinct. I can't make you stay but I…I really don't want you to go home and be alone ok?"

She bit her lower lip, considering his offer. She really shouldn't, should she? No, she shouldn't…but, but that bed was so comfortable and in Rick's clothes and him being close…maybe…maybe it would be the comfort she needed to get a good night sleep finally. She sighed, "Okay."

"Thank you," he smiled. "Go on up and relax and I'll bring you some clothes."

She nodded, returning his smile before she turned to walk up the stairs.

15 minutes later he walked down the hallway to the guestroom. "Sorry Kate, Alexis came downstairs and I was…" he stopped talking when he walked in and saw her lying on top of the covers, fast asleep. He sighed—man she was exhausted. He knew something was going on…he _knew_ it. He should have confronted her sooner. He should've…he should have done something. He set the clothes on the nightstand and gently covered her with the blanket that was at the foot of the bed. He watched her sleep for a few moments before walking out of the room, turning off the light and quietly shutting the door.

* * *

Kate brought her hand up to knock on her dad's door the next morning, then suddenly paused and looked at Rick, "Castle…what, what if…"

He grabbed her hand, "Hey, that's what I'm here for remember."

She nodded and took a deep breath, then knocked. Castle squeezed her hand as they heard footsteps.

The door opened and revealed a very surprised Jim Beckett. "Kate. Rick…hi."

"Hey dad." She said shyly.

"What are you doing here Katie?"

"I…I just…" She looked at Rick for help.

"We just wanted to say hello Jim." he jumped in for her, "Wanted to see how everything was going. Mind if we come in?"

"Oh..sure, sure come in."

"How are you daddy?" Kate asked, walking through the door and giving her father a hug, "I haven't seen you in a while."

"I'm just fine Katie. You?"

"I'm good dad."

"I'm...oh I'm so sorry, where are my manners? Do…would you kids like anything to drink? Some iced tea?" Jim asked, obviously nervous and uncomfortable.

"Sure." Kate said, and Rick nodded.

Rick put a hand on Jim's arm to stop him when he started walking off, "Let me get it Jim.""Oh..oh no…no don't be silly," he said getting more flustered.

"Really, let me. You and Kate visit." Rick replied and before Jim could say another word he was off.

"So, what have you been up to dad?" Kate asked as they sat on the couch.

In the kitchen, as soon as Rick opened the refrigerator he sighed, immediately seeing the two twelve packs of beer. "Aww man," he muttered to himself. He grabbed the iced tea and shut the refrigerator. He opened a few cabinets before he found some glasses and quickly grabbing those, he made his way back into the living room.

As soon as he walked in Kate and Rick locked eyes and she saw the look on his face. He nodded affirmation to her silent question as he set the tea and glasses down. "No," she said softly, shaking her head as she jumped up and ran to the kitchen.

"Katie," Jim yelled as he went after her. Rick quickly followed them and got to the kitchen as Kate was slamming the refrigerator door shut.

"Dad?"

"Katie it…it's not what you think. I haven't…"

Kate walked over to the trashcan and took the lid off, revealing the numerous empty beer cans. She looked at Castle then back at her dad, "You haven't what dad? Finished the 24 cans of beer you have in the fridge? Yeah, I see that!" she snapped, and then went to run out of the kitchen.

"Katie…" Jim started, grabbing her arm but she shrugged it off.

"Don't! Just…just don't dad! I won't watch you do this to yourself again." she yelled, then ran past him. Castle tried to stop her but she shrugged him off too, running out of the apartment.

Jim went to go after her but Rick stopped him, "Jim, let me."

"Rick…I…"

"Jim I know. I'm a father so I know….but please. Please let me go after her." Jim nodded and Rick quickly grabbed Kate's purse and ran after her.

**There we have it—hope you all enjoyed it! What did you think? I actually have a question for you all—I have another story that I'm almost done with. It is kind of a change up of a scene from one of the episodes from Season 4. However, I don't remember the name of the episode…so do you think y'all can help me? What is the name of the episode where the boys go to Atlantic City and dress up like Elvis and Alexis winds up accidently throwing a huge party at the loft because she's left alone?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! Oh my gosh—thank you thank you thank you! Thank you for reading and reviewing and alerting and favoriting (I don't think that's even a word but I'll make it one!)—thank you for everything! And thanks for letting me know that episode was 4x08-Heartbreak Hotel! Hopefully I can finish that soon and get it up. I needed the name so I could warn of slight spoilers lol! This is kind of short…and I actually might post another chapter later today…but I wanted to separate it there. If I don't get it up tonight I'll do it tomorrow! You guys are awesome! **

Rick caught up with her at the end of the hallway. She had stopped running but was giving a new meaning to the term 'power walking'. "Kate!" He called, but she just kept walking. "Kate, come on." He said, finally catching up enough to grab her arm, "Stop for a sec."

"Castle I'm fine. I'm just gonna go home and…"

"No you're not," he interrupted firmly.

"What?!"

"You aren't going home alone Kate."

"Castle I'm fine."

"You're crazy if you think I'm letting you go after that."

"Castle…"

"No Kate. You either come back to the loft with me or we'll go to your apartment. I don't care which but I'm not leaving you." He looked her in the eyes and saw she was struggling to keep it together.

"You know what…I don't even care anymore. I just want to get out of here."

"Ok, ok come on." He said softly. He took her hand and led her outside. He hailed a cab and was amazed she was able to keep it together. The cab ride was made in silence, although he kept a firm hold on her hand. On the ride up the elevator he could tell she was about to fall apart.

* * *

As soon as they walked in they heard Alexis' cheerful voice. "Kate, Dad! Awesome, you're home! I thought maybe we could…" she stopped when she saw the look on Kate's face. She looked from Kate to her father, "wha…what's wrong?"

"I'll be right back," Kate worked out, before making a hasty retreat. Rick sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Dad, what's wrong? Is Kate ok?"

"I'm not sure pumpkin."

"What? What do you mean? What's going on dad?"

"I promise I'll tell you in a minute Lex. I just need to go check on Kate okay?"

Rick turned to go up the stairs but Alexis surprised him by stopping him, "Let me dad."

He turned back around, "What?"

"I just…she helped me last night and I…I wanna be there for her too."

He pulled his daughter into a hug, "You are the best kid in the world, you know that?"

"Oh, I know," she said jokingly.

"Besides…if I go in there she'll probably just yell and say she's fine again, but you're too adorable to yell at."

Alexis smiled, "Thank you. But no eavesdropping this time!"

"What! How did…"

"Oh please dad…you're not as subtle as you think."

"Hey!" he said, faking hurt. He turned serious, "I'm sorry Lex."

"It's ok. You get a pass because I know you were worried about me."

He smiled, "Thanks pumpkin."

She nodded and made her way to the guest bedroom

When she knocked on the door she was immediately met with Kate's frustrated voice, "Castle! Go away!"

Alexis opened the door slightly and peeked her head in, "No Kate, it's me."

"Alexis? What are you…"

"Well…" Alexis began explain as she walked in and shut the door behind her. She went to sit next to Kate on the floor, leaning against the bed, "You were there for me last night and I want to be there for you too." Kate gave her a slight smile and she continued, "Aaannnd, dad figured you might yell if he came after you…but according to him I'm 'to adorable to yell at'" Alexis repeated, giving Kate her most adorable look.

That earned a small laugh from Kate, "He's right."

"Kate what happened," Alexis asked, her gaze turning serious.

"Oh, I'm just feeling like you did last night—you know? I..I really thought and hoped and—God I'm so stupid. I can't believe…"

"Hey!" Alexis stopped her and grabbed her hands, "Someone very special to me told me that having hope is never stupid. And, I know she's right because she's the smartest, strongest woman I know."

Kate was fighting to hold back the tears. She gently took Alexis' face in her hands, "You, little girl, are the sweetest most amazing kid," She said softly and then pulled her into a hung, "And I love you."

"I love you too" Alexis replied, hugging her back tightly, "And so does dad." She felt Kate stiffen as she said that and Alexis let out a quiet laugh, "Ok, too much for right now. But just…know that he does ok?" Kate nodded against Alexis' shoulder. After a few minutes Alexis broke the silence, "Are you okay?"

"I…I don't know."

Alexis pulled back from the hug to look at Kate, "What's going on Kate?"

"I…Alexis…"

Just then there was a light knock at the door and Rick slowly opened it, peeking his head in, "Lex, can I talk to Kate for a minute?"

Alexis nodded and hugged Kate, "Don't forget we love you," she whispered in Kate's ear.

"I love you too Lex," Kate said softly, choosing to ignore the 'we' part. She could not focus on that right now—she just couldn't. As soon as the door shut Kate looked at Rick, "Castle, I'm fine."

"Kate…" he started as she stood up.

"Castle…I'm fine. I'm fine and I don't…"

"No Kate," he said as he grabbed her arm when she tried to walk past him, "You're not doing this."

"Rick, just leave me alone. I'm…"

"Kate! You are _not _fine! Stop saying that!"

"Please…" Kate whispered, practically begging him, "I really don't want to talk about this. Please Rick, just…I…"

"Kate," he said softly, turning her to look at him, "I know you're breaking. Why won't you just let me help you?" When she finally looked him in the eye he continued, "It's ok you know? It's ok to cry."

"I can't," she replied, her voice breaking.

"Why? Why can't you?"

"Because…because if I do I…I'm afraid I'll completely break."

He wrapped his arms around her, "That's okay, break. I'm here." She shook her head 'no' against him shoulder but nevertheless, started crying. Once she started she couldn't stop. Rick led them to the bed and sat them up leaning against the headboard, holding her close. She buried her head in his neck as he whispered comforting words. When he felt her stop shaking he pulled back and gently wiped her tears away with his thumb, "Are you ok?"

She shut her eyes and tears leaked out, "No."

He pulled her tighter against him, "I'm so sorry Kate."

Her hand fisted into his shirt, "Me too." They sat there in silence for a few minutes, just holding onto each other until Kate suddenly spoke, "Don't let me run."

"What?"

"I…I need you Castle. Don't let me push you way."

"I'm not going anywhere Kate. No matter what you do, you're not getting rid of me okay?"

She pulled him into a hug, "you promise?"

"I promise Kate."

"Thank you."

Before Rick could respond they heard Alexis yelling all of the sudden. They looked at each other confused before both jumping up to see what was going on. They ran downstairs and made it to the living room just in time to hear the end of the conversation.

"You're wrong!" Alexis yelled, "Stop! That's not…that's not true. No….no it's not…I hate you!" Alexis screamed before she threw her phone on the floor, tears beginning to pool in her eyes.

"Alexis what happened?" Rick asked, his voice full of concern.

"Nothing dad. I'm going out." She said and started walking away.

"Sweetie wait! What…" Kate tried but Alexis stopped her.

"Just save it Kate! You don't have to do this anymore okay! Just stop pretending!"

"What?" Kate asked confused but before she could say more Alexis was out the door. Just as Alexis left her phone beeped indicating a text message. Kate picked it up and fumed as she saw the text on the screen from Meredith.

'**Alexis I'm sorry if the truth upset you but you are old enough and need to know. Kate is just trying to get to your father through you."**

Kate slammed the phone into Rick's hand, "I'm going to kill her Rick!"

"What?" Rick asked but as he read the message she saw his face turn red with anger. "She didn't!" How could she do this? She is unbelievable! I'm gonna…"

"Rick," Kate started, trying to calm him down, "Right now we need to focus on Alexis. Where would she go? I'll go talk to her and you can call Meredith."

"No Kate…I need to…"

"Rick, this was about me. I need to talk to her. I need to tell her that it's not true."

"Ok…ok your right. You go talk to her. I wanna call Meredith and give her a piece of my mind."

"Where would Alexis go?"

"The playground across the street." He answered immediately.

"Alright. I"ll go talk to her and you straighten Meredith out."

"Ok. Let me apologize in advance for the yelling."

"Rick, when I talk to her…because I _will_ be talking to her…she will be lucky if all I do is yell."

He nodded, "Ok, just…take care of my baby ok?"

She smiled and took his hand, "I will, I promise."

* * *

When she got to the playground she saw Alexis sitting on the swings. "Alexis?"

"Go away Kate!"

"Lex, come on."

"No, Kate!" Alexis yelled, jumping off the swing. "Don't do this. Just leave me alone."

"Alexis we have to talk about this."

"No we don't! I get it, okay. You aren't the first girl to do this and you won't be the last I just…I thought you were different. I thought you really cared about me. How could you just lie straight to my face like that? You know…all that stuff you said last night? I really believed you. I really thought it was true. How could you say all that if you didn't mean it?"

Kate sighed. She didn't even know where to begin. "I _do _really care about you! I didn't lie, I did mean it! It was true…it _is_ true!"

"Right," Alexis scoffed.

"Alexis, please. Just sit and talk to me. I promise…"

"No! I am not doing this again! Forget it!" she spat out before turning to walk away.

Kate grabbed her arm, "No Kate! I am not talking to you."

"Ok, will you at least come home? Your dad is worried sick." She could tell she wasn't getting Alexis to listen to her right now, but maybe if she got her home she could get her to talk to her.

"Fine," Alexis snapped, pulling her arm back and walking away as fast as she could. She turned around, "And Kate, when we get there just get your stuff and leave. I never want to see you again." She turned and started running back home.

Kate just stood there shocked. What was she supposed to do now? Her dad was drinking again, Alexis hated her, and she had no idea how to fix it—any of it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Ok so…since I already have all of this written I might as well post it right? I also thought I should post it soon because maybe it would make Alexis' reaction make more sense…and clear it up a little. I don't really think Meredith would be **_**this**_** mean…and I know Alexis probably wouldn't overreact like that…but for the purpose of my story…it works. The more I thought about it…the more I realized that her reaction probably was a bit extreme…but I had fun with it. I am, however, very grateful for the review that made me think about it…because you were right and it actually caused me to make a few changes to this chapter that tied things in better and I feel like it makes much more sense now (even though it still may be a little unrealistic). And thank you for the honesty—I love being able to improve through nice constructive thoughts! Keep them coming **

**Steph**

When Kate finally got to the loft she heard Rick and Alexis talking upstairs. She followed the voices and stood outside the door to Alexis' room. She could hear Alexis screaming. "No dad! I'm not talking to her! I'm never talking to her again!"

"Great…" Kate mumbled to herself. She walked back downstairs. Hopefully Rick would be able to get through to her. She knew Alexis would probably calm down and listen to her eventually but she was so furious with Meredith. She saw Rick's phone on the couch and without a second thought she picked it up and scrolled through his contacts until she found Meredith's number.

She paced the living room until Meredith finally picked up, "Rick I told you…"

"No Meredith," Kate interrupted, "It's Kate Beckett."

"Oh, Detective. What can I do for you?"

"What can you do for me? What did you say to Alexis?"

"My conversation with my daughter is none of your business."

"Meredith, what did you say to her? Did you tell her I was just using her?"

"Well…not in those exact words but…come on Detective. We both know what you are doing...you're trying to get to Rick…"

"So that's what you told her?! That I'm just trying to get to Rick?"

"Yes, I told her the truth. She denied it because she didn't want to hear it…but she needed to know. The longer you pretend, the more you are going to hurt her."

"I am NOT pretending. And I am not the one hurting Alexis! You are!"

"You're the one acting like you care."

"You are so wrong Meredith. I DO care about Alexis. I love her, and that has nothing to do with Rick."

"Oh please Kate…"

At this point Rick and Alexis were coming down the stairs, Rick having finally convinced Alexis to talk to Kate. When they heard Kate talking they stood there listening. Kate's back was facing the stairs and she was too upset to notice them.

"Meredith…"

"No Kate. I know what you're doing….and it's smart."

"How dare you!? I love that girl. I care about her and I am there for her—which is more than I can say for you!"

"Why you little…"

"Before you finish that sentence Meredith let me ask you a few questions. Who was the one out with Alexis yesterday cheering her up because you ditched her…AGAIN? Who was the one helping Alexis get ready for her date last night? Who was the one holding her last night when she was upset because she doesn't know what was wrong with her and why her own mother doesn't love her."

"You are out of line Detective!"

"No YOU are out of line Meredith. And I don't ever want to hear that you told Alexis anything like this again. If you want to hurt your daughter I, unfortunately, can't stop you but I'll be damned if I let you tell her I don't care about her!"

"You really stick to your guns. Why don't you just sleep with him already."

"Because I'm not _trying_ to sleep with him! He's my best friend and that girl is the most amazing kid and if you can't get that through your head that's your problem."

"Oh please…just get it over with Kate."

"Get it over with!? Wow…"

On the stairs, Rick had had enough. "That's it." He said as he stepped forward and grabbed the phone from Kate, startling her. "Meredith I do not want to hear from you. Do not call until I tell you to. And don't you EVER imply Kate is something for me to just get over." He hung up the phone before she could respond and Kate looked at him shocked. The both turned to Alexis to see the girl walking to the kitchen.

Kate ran a frustrated hand through her hair, "How much of that did you hear."

"Enough. I'm so sorry."

Kate shook her head, "Wasn't your fault. I just…I just wish Alexis would talk to me. She told me she never wanted to see me again." She finished in a whisper.

"I talked to her Kate, and she does want to talk to you. She's just upset."

"I know…"

"But after what she just heard…"

Kate let out a sad chuckle, "Maybe she'll believe me now."

Rick took her hands, "She always believed you. She knew Meredith is full of crap. It's just…it was still said. And…after what she said to you…she's afraid you'll hate her."

"I could never hate her Castle."

He smiled, "I know that. And you know that. But I think," he said, gesturing to the kitchen, "there's someone who could use some reassurance."

"I don't know what I could do Rick…"

"You don't have to do anything—just be you."

Kate smiled, "Ok."

When she walked in to the kitchen she saw Alexis scrubbing the dishes from breakfast. She walked up to her but Alexis kept her gaze on the pan she was washing. "Alexis? Hey…Alexis?" Kate said softly, putting a hand on her arm. Alexis just looked the other way and started scrubbing harder, taking her hurt and confusion out on the pan, and Kate could tell she was fighting tears, "You know it's ok right?" Alexis just shook her head as tears started falling. She threw the sponge in the sink and wiped her hands on the dishtowel beside the sink, then gripped the counter. "It's ok" Alexis turned and wrapped her arms around Kate, who held her tightly. "It's ok sweetie, it's ok." she soothed as she ran a hand through her hair. "

"I'm so sorry Kate. I am so so sorry. Please don't hate me."

"Alexis," she said pulling back to look at the girl. She gripped her shoulders tight, "I could NEVER hate you. Never. I love you. Nothing is gonna change that."

"So…so even if you start dating dad…"

"It's not true Alexis. I promise you it's not true. I don't know what I can do to prove it to you but please trust me. It's not true. I'm not gonna leave…I'm not just trying to get to your father. I love you, and that has nothing to do with your dad. No matter what happens or doesn't happen between your father and , I will love you."

Alexis took a deep breath considering her. "She…she said you probably didn't even like me."

"What?"  
"My, my mom," she sniffled, "When I told her she was wrong and that you loved me for me, she told me you probably didn't even like me."

"Oh Alexis."

Alexis continued with silent tears running down her face, "She said I was naïve if I believe you really cared about me because why else would you spend time with me if it wasn't to get to dad. She said no one would do that."

"No Alexis that's not…that is so wrong. You know that right?"

Alexis shook her head, "Yeah, I know….and I knew. I knew it wasn't true. I _knew _it but I still…I don't know. I just couldn't believe she was saying that and I didn't know what to think and I just…I just got mad and upset and I…instead of just talking to you and telling you want she said I just kind of overacted… I'm sorry Kate."

"Honey, you have nothing to be sorry about. Just…just don't forget how much I love you okay? Don't ever doubt that."

Alexis smiled at Kate, "I won't anymore."

"Good," Kate said, hugging her close again. When she pulled back she squeezed Alexis' shoulders, "Now…as your father is no doubt hovering outside the door, why don't we put him out of his misery."

Alexis laughed, "Dad, what did I tell you about eavesdropping," she said loudly so he was sure to hear.

"Castle entered shyly, "Oh…come on Lex cut me a break." He said walking over to her and pulling her into a tight hug, "You ok?"

"I am now." Alexis smiled.

"I love you pumpkin. I'm so sorry."

Alexis pulled back and looked at her dad, "I love you too, dad. And it's ok. Really. I'm ok now." She said, looking at Kate, who smiled back at her.

"Good. So, how about I take my two favorite girls out for lunch, then we can grab some ice cream. I think we've all earned it."

"Sounds great dad. You can come, right Kate?" Alexis asked, looking hopefully over at Kate.

"Wouldn't miss it," Kate smiled.

Alexis smiled back, "Awesome. Ok let me go grab my shoes and throw my hair up real quick. Be right back," she said and then ran up the stairs enthusiastically.

Rick shook his head, "You never cease to amaze me."

"Wha…what?"

"One minute she's sobbing and one talk with you and she's skipping up the stairs. You…you're amazing Kate."

"Well…" she said jokingly, "the word 'extraordinary' has been used."

Castle laughed and wrapped her in a hug, "You _are _extraordinary." He whispered in her ear. "And thank you."

"You have nothing to thank me for Rick."

He hugged her tighter, "Extraordinary." He whispered again.

Kate felt the butterflies in her stomach let loose at his words but before she could respond they heard Alexis bounding down the stairs. All for the best, she thought. She didn't know how she was going to respond with the lump in her throat.

* * *

They went to their favorite pizzeria and then got some frozen yogurt. Afterward Alexis announced that she really wanted to go to the zoo, so on a whim, they decided why not and spent the afternoon there. When the trio walked through the door that evening at 6:30 they were all tired out from the day.

"I am beat," Alexis exclaimed, "I am so glad we don't have school tomorrow! Thank God for teacher inservice days." Kate and Rick both laughed. "Do you think we could order in Chinese for dinner dad?"

"Sure pumpkin, that sounds great."

"Ok cool. I'm gonna get some comfortable clothes on—maybe we could watch a movie after dinner."

Alexis happily walked up to her room and when Castle heard her door close he turned to Kate, "Stay for dinner and a movie?"

"Thanks Castle but I really should go home and…"

"Kate, please. I know for a fact we don't have any cases at the moment. You're on call and only have to go into the precinct tomorrow if we get a case." He knew the only reason she had been ok all day was because she had been too worried about Alexis to think about her dad. He also knew as soon as she got home and was alone it would hit her, and he didn't want her to leave before they had a chance to really talk about it. "So please, stay."

"Rick, I need to get home."

"Kate you are going to have to talk to me eventually. We have to talk about this eventually."

"No we don't," she said grabbing her keys from the counter, "We don't have to talk about it. I don't _want_ to talk about it. I…I can't talk about it. I…"

When she started getting upset Castle went to her and put a hand on her shoulder, "Okay...hey its ok. We don't have to talk about it right now." Kate breathed a sigh of relief, "But Kate, you asked me to not let you run, and I'm not. I told you I wasn't going anywhere and I'm not. I'm not letting you push me away. Just please…stay for dinner…"

Alexis heard 'stay for dinner' as she was coming down the stairs, "Kate's staying for dinner? Awesome!" she said excitedly, "I'll go call in the Chinese." Alexis grabbed the phone and went to the kitchen to order the food.

Kate glared at Rick, "Oh that is playing dirty Castle." Now she had to stay.

He chuckled, "Hey she did that to you on her own." He saw the hesitancy in her eyes. "I'm keeping my promise Kate, I'm not letting you run."

Kate didn't know what to say so she just nodded.

Turns out Alexis ordered enough food for about 10 people and they soon found themselves sitting in front on a spread of egg rolls and lo mien and garlic chicken, along with numerous other dishes. After dinner they decided on watching enchanted, wanting something light and funny after the events of the last few days. By the end of the movie Alexis was falling asleep, her head resting in Kate's lap and her feet over her dads lap. She sat up and yawned, "I'm beat, I'm gonna go to bed. Night Kate," she said, giving the detective a hug, "thanks for staying," she whispered in her ear.

Kate squeezed her tight, "I love you honey. Sleep tight."

"Love you too," she smiled and gave her dad a hug, "Night dad, Love you."

"Love you too Lex. Sweet dreams."

Once Alexis was upstairs he turned to Kate, "Want to watch another movie?"

Kate bit her bottom lip. She really shouldn't, but she didn't want to go home—if she went home she would be along. She would be alone to think about her dad and her…she would have Rick…and the distraction of a movie… "On one condition…"

Rick sighed, knowing what was coming, "Tonight we just watch a move. We will talk. We _will_." He added again when she lightly shook her head, "But tonight I promise, just a movie."

Kate gave him a light smile, "Then okay."

He smiled back, "You grab the pillows and I'll get the blankets?"

"Sounds good."

5 minutes later they had reclined the couch and were settled down with lots of pillows and blankets. For the first 15 minutes Kate laughed and mocked the first Star Wars with him. After 20 minutes he noticed she got quiet. After 30 minutes he felt her lean against him. Slowly looking down he noticed she was fast asleep. He pulled the blankets up a little more to cover her. After 40 minutes he was asleep too.

**So…does that help a little bit? I hope everything makes a little more sense and that you all enjoyed this chapter—some sweet Caskett…can't go wrong! **


	7. Chapter 7

He was woken up hours later by someone kicking him. He opened his eyes to see Kate thrashing around the couch, tossing and turning with her eyes squeezed tightly shut. "Kate," he said softly, gently shaking her shoulder. He gasped when he felt the damp fabric of her shirt. He looked closer at her face and noticed the sweat beading down her forehead. He immediately threw the blanket off them, "God Kate, wake up," he begged, pushing the sweat drenched hair from her face. He shook her shoulder a little harder, "Kate." He could tell by the cold sweet and the thrashing and her quick breathing she was in the throws of a nightmare. He tried shaking her shoulder one more time, "Kate please, wake up." Her eyes shot open and she bolted upright, chest heaving and looking around in terror. "Hey. Hey it's ok. You're ok." he said rubbing a hand over her arm.

"I…umm….nightmare?"

He nodded, "Seemed like a bad one."

"I…yeah." She said, taking a breath and running a hand through her messy hair. When she felt the sweat on her forehead she cursed. "Damn it." Why? Why did this have to happen? Tonight of all nights…why did this have to happen? Man, he wasn't going to let this one go was he?

"Kate," he said, grabbing her hand, "Hey…it's ok."

"No it's not Castle. I'm so sorry. You shouldn't…"

"Hey," he chided, squeezing her hand, "I'm glad I was here to wake you." She just shook her head. "Okay, I'll be right back. Just stay put."

He got up and quickly went to his bathroom, grabbing a washcloth and running under some cool water. He then went to the kitchen and got a glass and filled it with some cold water. He walked back into the living room to see Kate sitting up on the couch, hugging the pillow to her chest. "Here, take a couple sips," he urged, pushing the glass into her hand. She took a few long gulps before setting the water on the table beside the couch. She finally looked him in the eyes and he gently grabbed her face without saying a word, rubbing the cool washcloth over her warm forehead and cheeks. She closed her eyes and tried to take a deep breath, still attempting to calm her racing heart. When he was done he gently urged her to scoot forward and he settled behind her, gathering her hair and pulling it up so he could put the cool washcloth on her neck. He ran the washcloth over her neck, and her upped back and shoulders that weren't covered by her shirt. When he brought the washcloth back to her neck he felt her shoulders begin to shake. "Kate?" he asked, gently moving around to face her, "Kate, hey. Look at me."

When she finally looked at him there were tears running down her face, "It's all my fault."

"Kate…"

"It's all my fault. If I hadn't opened old wounds...if I wasn't still looking into this case and he wasn't constantly reminded of everything and…"

"Kate…" he interrupted firmly, "It's not your fault."

"How can you say that? He was fine until I started this up again. Then Coonan and Raglan happened and I…I just couldn't let it go. I just kept going at it and…God I should have known he couldn't handle it but I just kept drudging up the past and he couldn't take it. If I would have left it alone and he didn't have to go through it all again he'd…"

"Hey," he interrupted again. He grabbed her hands, "This is NOT your fault. Not your fault do you hear me? "

"Rick…he would be fine if it wasn't for all this."

"No, you don't know that. You cannot blame yourself Kate. I won't let you. This has nothing to do with you."

She just shook her head disagreeing with him. After a long period of silence Kate spoke, "Look Castle, I'm really sorry…"

"You have nothing to apologize for Kate."

"Yes I do. I dragged you into this and woke you up in the middle of the night. I'm so sorry. Usually I…"

As soon as the word left her mouth she cringed. . Crap! She hadn't meant to say that. Maybe he wouldn't catch it?.

Castles eyes widened, "Usually?! How often does this happen?"

Ok, so, no such luck. Damn it. "Castle, it…"

"How often Kate?"

"Rick please. Just…"

"How often?" he repeated again. She still didn't answer, "Damn it, Kate. I'm just gonna keep asking until you tell me-you know that. So just tell me…how many nights a week does this happen?"

She stuttered, "Umm, a maybe uh one…one or two."

"You're lying," he said bluntly. She just gaped at him. How? How did he? "Come on Kate, I've worked with you for years, I know your tells. You're lying."

"I'm…"

"Tell me the truth."

She looked down and sighed. She finally conceded, "Four or five."

"Oh, Kate."

"No Castle," she said as she pulled her hand out of his grip. "It's ok. I don't want to talk about that and I don't…just don't do this right now. You promised me tonight we wouldn't just watch a movie."

"Look at the clock Kate…it's morning. Well…not morning but its 3am the next day. I made no promises about today."

"Damn it Castle, I…"

"No, listen Kate. You are not fine. You are so far from fine and…and you promised me you would try and let me help you so please…try."

"I am Castle, I just…"

"Keep trying," he whispered, taking her hand back, pleased to see she didn't pull away. When she slowly nodded he continued, "You want to tell me about your nightmare?" She immediately shook her head no so he tried again, "Okay, let me rephrase that. Will you please tell me about it?"

"I wouldn't…I wouldn't even know where to start Castle. I can't…God I can't do this, it's not gonna make any sense."

"Yes you can Kate. Just start talking, we'll make sense of it."

She nodded and took a deep breath, "My uh…my mom. She…it was weird. I don't know how but I was talking to her and she was mad at me and telling me that it was all my fault and that my dad was drinking again because of _my _obsession and that she was so upset and disappointed with me because I let this happen and then all of the sudden my dad was drunk on the floor saying it was all because of me and if I hadn't kept looking into everything and…I…I know its stupid. It's stupid and irrational and my mom wouldn't blame me. She would just be mad I was letting this run my life but…but it was just so real Castle."

"Kate I know you think this is your fault but you have to trust me. If anything, it's my fault."

"Wait, wait?" she asked confused.

"Well I opened it back up. You left it alone and I opened it."

"Castle you really think I was done with it?"

"You said you were. You said you had put it behind you."

"And you know me. You really think I wouldn't have come back to it someday? It was only a matter of time Castle. It's not your fault."

"Okay…well then how about this. I won't blame myself if you don't. "

"I…I don't know if I can Rick."

He gently grabbed her face, "Not. Your. Fault." He punctuated, "It is not your fault. You weren't responsible the first time and you aren't responsible now and I will tell you that as many times as I need to to make you believe it." He brushed her tears away with his thumb.

"I can't do this again Rick."

"Yes you can Kate."

"No, no I…I can't. Last time…it was bad and I barely got through that and I just. I can't lose my dad again. I can't be the strong one again. I…I need my dad and I…I can't…"

"Kate this is different."

"No it's not. He's drinking himself into oblivion and I'm losing him at a time I need him most and…"

"But you aren't alone this time Kate. I'm here. I'm here and we'll get him through this together. I'm not going anywhere and I'm here to help in any way I can you just…you just have to let me." She nodded and threw her arms around him. He held her tight, "It's gonna be okay Kate. He's gonna make it, we'll figure this out." He felt her nod against his shoulder as her tears soaked his t-shirt. He laid them back against the pillows and she buried her head deep into his shoulder. After a while he finally started to feel her breathing even out. "Do you think you can sleep now?" he asked gently.

"Mmhmm," she mumbled against his shoulder.

He looked down and found her eyes closed, "Hey—guest bed's probably more comfortable than a couch."

She gripped him tighter, "No. Don't want to move."

"Ok," he said softly, smiling as he pulled the blankets up over them with his free arm that wasn't wrapped around her, "Goodnight Kate."

"G'nite" she mumbled, already half asleep.

A few minutes later when he could tell she was fast asleep he put his hand over hers that was resting on his chest, kissed her forehead and whispered, "I love you Kate."

* * *

When Castle woke the next morning and saw Kate lying next to him he thought it was a dream. Then he soon remembered what had happened the day (and night) before and sighed. He gently untangled himself from Kate, knowing she would freak if she woke up and they were tangled together. As he got up to make coffee he heard Alexis coming down the stairs.

She followed him to the kitchen, "Kate's still here? And she's still asleep? At 9:00am?"

Castle sighed and ran a hand through his hair as he made his way to the coffee machine, taking out the pot and bringing it to the sink to fill it with water, "Uh…yeah, we umm, we had a long night."

Alexis looked at him concerned as he made his way back to the machine, returning the pot and reaching above in the cabinets for the coffee and filters, "Dad, what's going on? I know something's wrong. What happened?"

"Alexis…"

"I'm not a little girl anymore dad."

"I know pumpkin."

"And I love her too."

Castle smiled at his daughter, "I know."

"So…I'm worried about her too."

"Lex we found out yesterday that Kate's dad is drinking again."

"What?! Oh my…"

"Yeah…"

"I can't believe this dad."

"I know…"

"Poor Kate. What can we do?"

"Oh sweetie," he said as he walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her, "just be there for her. Let her know we love her."

Alexis smiled, "I _knew_ it!"

Rick pulled back, realizing what he had said. "Alexis…"

"No! You said you love her! I knew it!" she squealed.

"Alexis lower your voice!" he chided as he walked back over to the coffee machine and put the filter in and filled it with coffee, "I want Kate to sleep."

"Sorry," Alexis said, lowering her voice to a whisper, "But you love her!"

"She's my best friend, of course I love her." He argued, shutting the top of the machine and turning it on.

"Ugh, you guys are impossible! That isn't what you meant and you know it!"

He chose to ignore her comment, "So, daughter, what are you doing up so early on your extra day off?"

"Nice diversionary tactic…switching the focus, very clever. Just know I'm onto you. And…if it makes you feel any better…she's in love with you, too." Castle gave his daughter a stern glare and she threw her hands up in defeat, "Ok, ok dropping it. I'm going to study at Paige's…big test tomorrow."

Castle shook his head, "I have no idea where you get your sense of responsibility."

Alexis laughed, "Me neither. I'll text you to let you know when I'm gonna be back." She said, giving him a hug goodbye.

"Sounds good pumpkin."

Alexis started walking away but turned back, "Take care of her, okay?"

Castle nodded, "As much as she'll let me."

Alexis nodded her understanding and waved good bye before quietly making her way out of the loft. Castle poured himself a cup of coffee and looked out to the living room and saw Kate beginning to stir. He grabbed another mug and poured another cup. When he walked back in she was moving to sit against the pillows. "Thanks, Castle." She said as he held out the cup to her. She took it and took a long sip, gripped the mug tightly between her hands. " They fell into silence.

"Don't over think it." He suddenly said, able to tell she was freaking out.

"What?" she asked, coming out of her reverie.

He sighed, "How bad are you freaking out right now?"

"I'm...not..."

"Bull," he chuckled, "you slept, you look better, and I finally got you to open up a little last night...and now you are freaking out."

"Castle don't..." but before she could finish her thought, her phone buzzed on the table next to the couch. She picked it up, but when she saw it was her father she threw the phone on the couch and ran a frustrated hand over her face.

"Kate," Castle said softly, moving to sit next to her on the couch, "you have to talk to him."

"I don't have to do anything Castle. I'm a big girl, I get to make my own decisions." she said, getting angry. Not at him, but at the situation. In addition to her father drinking she had spent the night in Rick's arms and God help her, she did sleep better, she did feel better, and she most definitely WAS freaking out, "And the next decision I am making is I am going to go home to shower and change." It was so much easier last night. But now…now she wasn't so sure. Now it seemed more complicated and maybe….ugh she didn't know what to do.

She moved to get up but he grabbed her arm, "You are NOT running away Kate."

"Castle! I am not running away...I am going home to change and get cleaned up."

"And conveniently get out of talking about this..."

"Added benefit..." she muttered under her breath, but he still heard it. Before he could reply his phone buzzed in his pocket. When he saw it was Jim Beckett his face fell and he looked at Kate.

"Do not answer that Castle."

"Kate, he's probably worried. As a father I'm telling you, he..."

She cut him off, "I don't care if he is worried! Let him worry! Then he'll see how it feels!

"Kate..."

"No Castle. If you answer that phone any possibility you have of convincing me to not run out of here is gone."

"Kate please..." Castle said, moving to answer the phone.

Kate immediately jumped off the couch, "Fine, I'm leaving," she said angrily.

Castle pulled his hand back and grabbed her wrist, "Ok, ok I won't answer it just please...stay so we can talk about this." Kate sighed as Rick put his phone down and it stopped buzzing, but she didn't make any move to sit down, "Ok Kate, I didn't answer. Please, sit down..." She shook her head. "Kate, you said if I didn't answer..."

"That I MIGHT stay," she finished, knowing where he was going, "I didn't say I would definitely stay. And I'm going home Castle." she said pulling her wrist out of his grasp and beginning to gather her stuff.

"Kate! Come on..."

"Rick! Just leave it alone."

Now it was Ricks turn to run a frustrated hand down his face. This woman was the most stubborn, maddening...uggh! He normally wouldn't take part in such childish actions, he really wouldn't, but desperate times called for desperate measures. He picked up his phone, "You know I can always call him back Kate..."

She whipped around, "Castle!" she warned.

"You either stay and talk, or I'm calling him back."

"You're blackmailing me?" She said in disbelief.

"Well, you didn't seem to have a problem with the concept when you were doing it to me a couple seconds ago!"

"Ugh Castle!" she said frustrated.

"Yea I know the feeling," he muttered.

"Fine, you know what?" she said as she finished gathering her stuff, "Call him, I don't care. I am going home. I told you last night, I can't...I can't do this Castle."

"Can't do what Kate? Talk about the fact your father is drinking again or talk about how you slept better with me holding you?" Ok, so him getting annoyed probably wasn't going to help anything but damn it, he was frustrated. Kate stopped in her tracks, stunned he would actually be so forward, "So..." he continued when he saw her stop, "Which is it Kate?" Without saying a word Kate rushed to the door, "Kate please..." he said as he ran to the door to catch her, but he was too late and he just got the door slammed in his face.

Kate ran to the elevator, the doors closing before she hunched over, her hands gripping her knees trying to quell the panic. She couldn't do this here, she just had to wait until she got home. When the elevator dinged she ran out of the building, quickly flagging a cab. When they finally got to her building she threw money at the cab driver and flew up the stairs, quickly unlocking her door and slamming it, promptly sinking down to the floor and breaking down. Her father drinking? Sleeping better with Rick holding her? Which was it? It was both...she couldn't deal with either of those things right now. Was she being the ultimate hypocrite? Definitely. But at the moment…she didn't care. All she knew was that she could just _not_ do this right now.

* * *

Rick paced his apartment for 15 minutes before the door opened. Hoping it was Kate, he rushed to the living room, only to find Alexis walking in, "Lex, what are you doing here? I thought you were studying with Paige?"

"I forgot a notebook...dad where's Kate? Is she taking a shower or something?"

"Uh, well, no not exactly."

"What do you mean 'not exactly'? Dad, what happened?"

"She ran out pumpkin."

"Ran out?"

"Uh, yeah." he confirmed sitting on the couch, his daughter following suit, "She got really mad and ran out..." He relayed the whole story to his daughter, starting with what happened last night, how Kate had a nightmare and he finally got her to talk to him, only to shut him out this morning. Then he ended with the phone call from Jim.

"What are you still doing here dad?"

"What?" He asked confused.

"You said she was going home, go over there! She needs you!"

"She won't talk to me Alexis. I tried. She doesn't WANT to talk to me right now."

Alexis shook her head, "Gosh for someone so smart you are an idiot sometimes! You _know_ Kate dad...you know sharing and opening up isn't the easiest thing for her..."

"Yeah but I don't want to push her..."

"That's what she needs dad. She needs for you to push her. She needs to talk to you about it and she won't unless you push. You said that you promised her you wouldn't let her push you away. You said SHE made you promise that...well...she is pushing you away. And you're letting her!"

"I'm just trying to respect her space Alexis."

"She doesn't need space dad...she needs YOU. And you know it. Go over there and make sure she is ok."

Rick sighed, "Ok…ok fine. But if I get yelled at, I'm blaming you!"

"Yeah, yeah you do that. Now go! I'm worried about her. Text me and let me know she's ok."

He nodded and got up, grabbing his coat and keys and heading for the door, "I will. Thanks for the pep talk Alexis. I love you."

"Love you to dad," she replied quickly as he went out the door.

* * *

When he knocked on her door 15 minutes later he wasn't surprised when she didn't answer, "Come on Kate, I know you're in there. Open up or I'll just use my key."

"Castle, go away!"

"Fine!" he huffed as he got out his key. If she wasn't going to let him in, he'd let himself in. His daughter was right; he needed to keep his promise.

Kate had thought she got rid of Castle when he didn't continue banging on the door so when her door opened she jumped, "Castle! What are you doing?!"

"Keeping my promise." he stated simply as he walked towards her. She was sitting at the kitchen island with a bottle of whisky, just staring at it. She had a shot glass in front of her, full of the liquor. "Kate…"


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey Guys! So sorry it took me a little bit to put this up, but it is really long...so hopefully that makes up for it. I have it written but when I was re-reading it before posting I realized I wasn't really happy with one of the scenes. I added some stuff…and hopefully you guys like this chapter. A couple things—one, I know I mentioned this was Season 3 but I need to be a little more specific…Raglan has happened but Lockwood and the boys being kidnapped and everything…that hasn't happened yet. Two, Josh doesn't exist for the purposes of this story. Three, I know Beckett may seem a little OOC, but for what I wanted to do with this story…it worked. ****Please let me know what you think. I'm really nervous about this chapter for some reason…I just hope its okay. Hopefully parts of this chapter will make you smile and laugh. Others are more serious, and I hope I did them justice. I'm sure it could be better…but remember—I just do this for fun so, it won't be perfect. ****Stephanie**

"Castle! Leave!" He just shook his head and went to grab the bottle and shot glass but she grabbed his arm to stop him, "Castle what are you doing?" she yelled angrily.

He replied calmly, "Taking this away before you do something you don't want to."

"I want it; otherwise I wouldn't have taken it out. Now leave me alone!" she yelled, trying to grab it out of his grasp but he wouldn't let her.

"Kate if you really wanted it, you would have downed it by now…."

Her hand started shaking and she let go of his arm. Castle walked to the sink and emptied the shot glass and then put the bottle of Whisky in the Cabinet. He turned back to face her, Kate..." he said gently as he sat down next to her.

"I...I couldn't do it. All I wanted was a damn drink so I could forget about this mess and I just...I couldn't... all I kept thinking about was my father and how I was just like him; using alcohol to escape and I told myself I was never going to do that. I _promised_ myself if that was the reason I wanted a drink I wouldn't have it...but I just...I couldn't do it. I couldn't even take one drink."

"You didn't do it Kate." he said rubbing her back, "You didn't take a single shot. You kept your promise to yourself."

"Yeah because you came in and took it away." She said looking down.

"Kate you had at least 40 minutes before I got here to down that bottle. If you were going to drink it, you would have. You are NOT your father. Kate look at me," he said, gently grabbing her face, "You are NOT your father." As tears welled up in her eyes he brought her into a hug, holding her tightly.

To his surprise she didn't pull away. After a while she softly asked, "Why are you here Castle?"

"I told you, I'm keeping my promise." he said pulling back to wipe the tears off her face.

"God I'm such an idiot," she whispered, "I should have never said that."

"Kate..."

"Really, it's fine. I absolve you of your promise Rick. You are free to go." she said with as much confidence as she could muster.

"Kate...no..."

"Rick, honestly. It's ok. I'll be fine. I take it back...you can leave now."

"Kate I'm not leaving!" he said, raising his voice in frustration, "What do I have to do or say to get you to realize that? You are not in this alone this time. I'm not going to LET you do this alone."

"You don't get to decide that Rick!" she said, matching his frustrated tone, "This is my life, and it's MY decision. And I don't...I...I just want..."

"What Kate?" he asked softly, taking her hands, "What do you want? Do you really want me to leave? Do you really want to be alone and do this alone?"

"No," Kate whispered, barely audible.

"Then why are you doing this?"

"Because I...I just...I don't know ok!"

He squeezed her hands, "Kate, I know you're scared."

"I'm not..." she interrupted immediately but he kept talking.

"You are," he said sternly, "and that's ok. Just...why won't you just let me be here for you and help you through this?"

"Because I can't!" she said, taking her hands back and getting up to pace the kitchen, "I can't go through this again! I can't watch him drown in this again...I just...I am NOT doing this again!" she practically yelled.

He got up and walked over to where she was pacing, putting gentle hands on her shoulders to stop her, "Kate he needs you right now."

"So!?" she spat angrily, "I needed him 12 years ago and he wasn't there! Hell I need him now and he's doing the same thing again-I need him and he isn't here!"

"But I'm here," he said gently, "I'm here and we can get him through this together."

"What if I don't want to Castle? What if I don't want to go through this with him again?"

"Kate he's your dad...I know you want to help him."

She just shook her head, "I told you Rick, I CAN'T..."

"Not even if I'm here?" he asked softly, squeezing her shoulders.

"Rick this isn't your..."

"Don't even think that," he said before she could finish, "As the best friend, if it's your problem it's my problem. We face it together." She sighed dejectedly, "So, what do you think? Still think you can't do it?" he asked, his hand brushing her cheek.

"Rick I don't...I don't know..." she said softly.

"I'll be by your side; you won't ever be alone in this. You'll have me ok?"

She took a deep breath and hesitantly replied, "Ok..."

"Ok," he smiled slightly, "So no more pushing me away, no more running..." She nodded, biting her bottom lip like she always did when she was nervous, 'what did I get myself into?' she thought. "And..." he continued, "you call your father."

"I'm...I'm not ready to talk to him yet..."

"Kate I'm telling you, he is going crazy with worry and quilt right now. Even if you don't talk long just...just call him to let him know you're ok."

"But I'm not," she whispered, her eyes welling up with tears again, "I'm not ok Rick."

"Aww Kate..." he said as he pulled her into another tight hug, "It will be ok Kate, I promise. You guys got through this once, you can do it again."

"I can't talk to him right now Castle...I'll just yell and get upset and that's...that isn't gonna help anything..."

"Ok how about this," he proposed, pulling back and grabbing her hands, "you let me call your father and you text Alexis and let her know you're ok. She, uh...she was kind of worried about you."

"But she was gone when I woke up."

"Yeah but she saw you were still here before she left. She came back right after you left to grab a notebook she forgot. When she saw you weren't there she asked me what happened and why you left so fast and then she convinced me to come over. I just...you know I can't lie to her Kate..."

Kate sighed, "I know, I know. Fine, you call my dad if you absolutely have to...I'll make sure Alexis knows I'm alright, ok?"

"Thank you," he said pulling her back into a hug, "She loves you ya know?"

Rick felt Kate smile against his shoulder, "The sentiment is mutual."

He gave her one last squeeze and indicated he would be in the living room. She nodded as she sat on the table to text Alexis.

**'Hello sweet girl. Thanks for sending your dad over. I'm ok now, thanks to you and him'**

Within a few seconds she received Alexis' reply. **'Kate! I'm so glad you text me. Of course! You can borrow him any time :). But...are you really ok?'**

Kate sighed. She didn't want to lie to the girl but she didn't want her to worry...so she settled for a run down version of the truth. **'I will be Lex'**

**'You promise?'**

**'Yea, I promise'**

**'OK just, remember you're not alone'**

**'I will sweetie, thank you'**

**'What can I do to help?'** when Kate received that message her heart almost melted. That amazingly sweet child. Before she could reply she received another message, **'We could always kick dad out and have a girls night; lots of movies, and pizza and popcorn and ice cream...'**

Kate smiled and quickly messaged her back, **'you know what kiddo? That sounds like just what I need! What are you doing tonight?'**

**'Having a girls night with you!;)'**

**'Awesome! I'll be over there at 7:00 and we'll confine your father to his study?'**

**'Haha! Sounds perfect! He needs to write anyway...Gina has been hounding him. He is a little behind...'**

**'Of course he is! I'll see you at 7:00!'**

**'Ok!'**

Just as Kate put her phone down Rick walked back into the kitchen. When he saw her smiling he gave her a confused look, "You...you're smiling? Not that...I mean, I'm so glad to see you smiling but what…"

Kate laughed, "Your daughter is amazing, did you know that?"

"Well...she does take after her father so it isn't much of a surprise..."

Kate rolled her eyes, "rriiigghht..."

"So what did my amazing daughter do?"

"She's just...she's just amazing. And tonight you are going to leave me alone..."

Before she could finish Rick interrupted, "Kate...we _just_ talked about this...you said..."

"Rick!" she stopped him, "You are leaving me alone because your daughter and I are having a girls night. So...you will be confined to your study."

"You're kicking me out of my own living room?" he said in mock horror, though he couldn't suppress the grin that came over his face.

"Pretty much..." she laughed at his expression, "and Alexis said you had to write anyway. How behind are you exactly?"

"Not...not much just a...a couple chapters...maybe."

"Uh huh...how many chapters Rick?" Kate asked knowingly.

"Well...Gina wanted 3 new chapters..."

"Yeah...by when?"

"Last Friday..." he mumbled.

"Rick!"

"Oh come on Kate the last couple of days have been a little...eventful..."

Kate sobered immediately, "I'm sorry Castle...I don't want to..."

"Kate," he stopped her, "you and my kid trump my career. You know that."

She grabbed his hand, "Thank you Rick."

"Always," he replied softly. She went to take her hand back but he just squeezed it tighter, not letting her go. She looked up at him questioningly and he just shrugged and gave her that smile.

When she got her breath back she asked, "So…uh…what did my dad say?"

"Do you really want to know Kate?"

"Yeah I really...I really want to know."

"Ok...he uh...he was just really worried he may have lost you for good this time."

"What?"

"He said last time you...he said he almost lost you last time so he was sure that now..." Kate looked down, "Hey, he doesn't blame you Kate."

"I shouldn't have just walked out of there."

"He said that was the kick he needed." he tried to assure her, "He said that after we left he poured everything down the sink and called his AA sponsor..."

"How long Castle?"

"Kate..." at the stubborn look she gave him he knew she wasn't going to give up, "He said about two months."

She shook her head, "I knew it. I knew this was happening and I didn't do anything about it..."

"You didn't know Kate..."

"But I suspected. I suspected this was happening and yet I just..I let it go because I couldn't face it...God what kind of person does that?"

"Hey," he said tugging her arm. She brought her eyes up to meet his, "Someone human. And you're here now...you are a wonderful person Kate, and a wonderful daughter."

"Right," she scoffed, "If I had intervened when I first suspected then it wouldn't have gotten this out of hand, but I'm a great daughter..."

"You don't know that Kate. Maybe that's true. But maybe he wouldn't have been ready then. You know you can't help someone if they don't want it. Now, he wants it. A couple months ago...maybe he wouldn't have."

"But we don't know that."

"Exactly. We don't know. So, there is no use beating yourself up now for something that may or may not have made a difference. Ok? You can't beat yourself up over this."

She just shook her head, "I don't know how not to Castle..."

"You trust me." he said gently, "And you listen to heart because deep down, you know it isn't your fault."

She took a deep breath, "I...I'll try."

He squeezed the hand he was still holding, "Ok. Good." After a few minutes he looked at his watch, "So, what are we doing until you and my daughter kick me out of my house?" he asked dramatically.

"Just the living room! And don't be such a baby!"

He sighed dramatically and then laughed, "Ok well, it's gonna be lunchtime soon...and since we didn't get the chance to eat breakfast I am starving...and I'm sure you are too."

She shook her head in agreement, "I am hungry…and in dire need of coffee, someone didn't give me enough this morning."

"My apologize detective it won't happen again."

"See that it doesn't." She said seriously, but unable to hid the grin from her face, "But an early lunch sounds good. Only…" she looked at Rick, then down at her own clothes, realizing they were both wearing the same thing they fell asleep in last night, "We both need to get changed first."

Rick looked down at what he was wearing; oh—he had rushed over here without changing hadn't he. He let out a slight laugh, "Oh, yeah. Well…how about this. I'll go home and get cleaned up. You can do the same…and we can meet at that Italian place you love in about an hour?"

Kate smiled, "That sounds good."

"Ok, then we'll go to a coffee house so you can get your caffeine fix and we'll go from there."

* * *

Turns out it was a quiet day for murders and Kate thankfully didn't get called into work. When Castle and Beckett walked into the loft at a quarter to seven Alexis was setting everything up for their movie night. Alexis had made a pallet for them to lay on on the floor with what looked light every blanket and pillow in the house. Kate could see two bags of popcorn sitting near the microwave, some pizza on the counter, and two bowls set out with an ice cream scoop and two spoons. Near the pallet Kate saw a mirror and all of Alexis' make-up and hair accessories and an entire stack of movies and board games.

When Alexis saw them she ran from the kitchen to pull Kate in a hug, "Kate!" she said, squeezing her tightly, almost knocking her down.

"Woah Lex. It's ok, I'm ok, I promise."

"Really?" The girl asked, not releasing Kate from her tight hold.

"Really. And after tonight, I'll be great." Alexis finally released her from the hug and smiled, "It looks like you thought of everything kid."

"Yep, we just need to take care of one more thing..."

Kate smiled knowingly. Both girls looked at Castle and at the same time said, "Out!" pointing him in the direction of the office.

"Geez!" he said, his hand going to his chest in mock hurt, "I feel unwanted."

"I love you daddy but you owe Gina three chapters. Now go—write!"

"Fine!" he scoffed like the child he was, walking begrudgingly to his office. "I can tell where I'm not wanted."

"And don't come out for at least the next four hours Castle!" Kate yelled behind him just as he was shutting the door. Both girls laughed at his expression and Alexis gave Kate a high five. "This is awesome Lex, you really did think of everything."

Alexis smiled, "Mmhmm! I didn't get all my nail stuff because we just got mani/pedis the other day..."

"Smart girl! Ok, whaddya say we grab a couple slices and pick out a movie to begin the night?"

Alexis laughed, "Definitely!"

Once they were all situated on the pallet with their pizza and drinks they began looking through movies, "Jeez Lex, do you guys own every movie ever made?"

"Pretty close. Dad's kind of a movie fanatic. So what are you thinking for tonight? Romance? Comedy? Horror? Action?"

"Comedy, definitely."

Alexis nodded and held up two movies, one in each hand, "Ok...then may I suggest we start off with a double feature of Bruce Almighty and Evan Almighty? Both hilarious and lighthearted."

"That sounds perfect!"

Putting in the movie Alexis asked, "Can you teach me how to curl my hair like you do yours? I know you did it the other night but I wasn't watching so I don't know how you did it."

"Of course! Then we can do make-overs."

Alexis turned around after putting the movie in, "Really?"

Kate raised an eyebrow in confusion, "Yes 'really', isn't that why you brought your stuff out here?"

"Well yeah but..." When the girl looked down Kate prodded for her to continue.

"But what sweetie?" she asked, scooting closer to the young girl.

"Nothing, it's nothing," she said shaking her head and moving to grab the DVD remote.

"Lex it's not nothing. What is it?" She asked, pulling the girl towards her.

"I just...I never really had a mom to do this stuff with. It's just...I'm just glad you're here that's all."

"Oh sweetheart," Kate said, putting her hands on the girls face, "I'm glad I'm here too. And anytime you want to do anything like this, I'll be here." she assured the teen, wrapping her arms around her.

"Thanks, Kate." After a few moments of silence Alexis spoke up, "Hey Kate..."

"Hmm?"

Alexis pulled back from the hug to look at here, "Did...did you and your mom do this kinda stuff?"

Kate smiled and shook her head, "Yeah we did. We used to do make overs...and we would do our own mani/pedis..."

"Your mom sounds like she was really great."

"Yeah she was..."

When Alexis saw Kate's wistful expression she began to worry, "I'm so sorry Kate, I didn't mean to..."

"Oh no, sweetie no, its ok." Kate said quickly, grabbing her hand, "Its good memories."

"Ok..."

"Now...let's eat our pizza before it gets cold!"

Alexis laughed, "Ok."

The night flew by and the girls stayed busy watching Miss Congeniality next and doing hair and make-overs. Having lost track of time, the girls did not realize it was 11:30 when Rick stepped out of his office, "Dad! We banished you for four hours! What are you doing?"

"Uh...it's been four and a half Alexis."

"What?!" Both girls said surprised.

Beckett jumped up and looked at the clock on the microwave, "Wow it really is that late."

Rick laughed at them, "Time flies when you're having fun."

"I guess I should get to bed-I have school tomorrow." Alexis said reluctantly as she got up. She walked over to Kate and gave her a hug, "Thanks for coming Kate."

"Thank _you _Alexis. This was exactly what I needed. I love you."

"Love you too."

Rick smiled as he watched the exchange between the two. He acted like he wasn't paying attention when his daughter turned to give him a hug, "Night Pumpkin. Love you."

"I love you too dad." she replied before heading up the stairs.

Once he heard Alexis' door shut he turned to Kate, "So you girls had fun?"

Kate smiled, "Yeah Rick, we had a lot of fun."

He smiled back at her, "Good. You're going into the precinct tomorrow right?"

"I uh...I actually haven't decided yet. I was thinking of taking the day off. I was gonna maybe go see my dad but I don't know if I..."

Castle stopped her and grabbed her hands, "Together, remember?"

She took a deep breath and nodded, "Together..." she echoed. "So, I'll call the Captain in the morning and tell him I need the day and..." she squeezed her eyes shut willing herself to say the next statement. She finally opened them and met his eyes, "Rick, will you please come with me to see my dad tomorrow?"

His response was pulling her into a bone crushing hug, "Thank you," he whispered in her ear.

She nodded and squeezed him tight. He finally let her go after a few minutes, "I should, uh, probably go...its getting late." she said softly.

He nodded and she went to grab her keys and purse from the couch. As she was walking toward the door Rick suddenly spoke, "Stay!"

"What?" she asked, turning around.

Rick walked over to her, "Stay. Please? The guest room is all made up and its really late..."

"I'm a big girl Rick I am aloud to be out after dark."

"Haha very funny Beckett. Just...please stay?" he asked taking her hand, "Please?"

"Why?" she asked softly.

Her heart rate began to speed up as he rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand, "You know why Kate."

"Rick...why?" she asked again, needing to hear it from him. Yes, she knew why—but she needed him to say it.

"Kate I don't think you want to start this conversation now..."

"Wasn't really planning on talking." She said, stepping closer to him.

His eyes widened in disbelief at the look in her eyes. That was the last thing he expected to hear her say, "Kate...did you really just say that?" She just nodded as she stepped even closer. "Kate, I just don't think now is the time. I mean, with everything that's going on...you're upset and...not that I don't want to I mean, I really care about you and I think you know that I don't mean as just a friend but..." she just kept inching closer to him and his thoughts were becoming incoherent, "but I…I just don't want…want to mess..."

She stopped and interrupted him, their lips almost touching, "Rick, if you care about me so much just shut up and kiss me."

"Kate..." was all he got out before she touched her lips to his. Shock overtook him at first but soon his lips responded because how could he not? She inched them back until they were on the couch, slowly lowering them so she was on top of him. She straddled him and gently began feathering kissing against his jaw. "K...Kate. Wha...what are you doing?"

"Comfort sex Castle…keep up." she said slyly as she squeezed her legs around his hips.

"Kate I know your upset but..."

"If you know I'm upset," she said, moving her mouth to his ear, "help me forget." She took his lobe between her teeth after she spoke.

"Kate..." He sighed sitting them up, "You're just looking for a distraction. And I understand but..."

"Then distract me," she whispered, her hands moving to undo the buttons on his shirt.

He grabbed her hands to stop her, "Kate, you don't want to do this."

"Rick..." she said, getting frustrated, "I'm an adult I can decide what I want."

She leaned in to kiss him again but he pulled back, "We do this, you hate me tomorrow...and yourself."

She looked him in the eyes and saw he was serious, "You're really saying no, aren't you?" she asked, shocked. He just nodded, swallowing hard, "Wow...I never thought..."

"Believe me," he muttered, "me neither." Resisting Kate Beckett? Man he deserved a medal for this. Kate realized their position and hastily untangled herself from him and moved to the other side of the couch. "Kate...you have to understand..."

"Oh I understand," she interrupted, "The deep fried Twinkie is always good enough for some fun but I'm not." she said, beginning to get up, but he grabbed her arm.

"No! Kate no!"

"I get it Castle, its fine." she said trying to pull her arm back to leave but he tightened his grip.

"No you don't get it Kate!"

"Fine then," she said angrily, successfully pulling her arm from his grasp, "you say I don't get it, whatever." She got up and began gathering the stuff she dropped on the floor to leave, "You say you care about me so much..." She said it more to herself really but he heard it.

"I do Kate." he said, jumping up and moving to block her path to the door, "I do care about you. I care about so much."

"Castle! Out of the way!"

"No! You are going to listen to me."

"Castle!"

"Kate I care about you more than you know."

"Right," she scoffed, folding her arms across her chest.

"You would have regretted it in the morning Kate. You would have regretted it and been mad at yourself and been mad at me and it's BECAUSE I care about you so much that I wasn't about to let you do that to yourself...or to us. You're my best friend and...and so much more and I'm not willing to lose you for one night of fun." He looked her in the eyes and he could tell she finally understood. She suddenly looked down in embarrassment, "It's ok Kate."

She shook her head and walked to the couch to sit down, "No its not," she whispered.

He quickly walked over to sit next to her, "Yes it is."

"I'm so sorry Rick. I should have never...God you must think I'm..."

He didn't let her finish, "Like I said before, I think you're human." When she finally looked at him he continued, "I think you're human, and I think like anybody else would in this situation, you just want to forget and not think about it for a while."

She sighed, "I just...all these different thoughts keep spinning around in my head..."

"I know..." he said gently.

"I mean, I'm here with your wonderful daughter laughing and having a great time but its...in the back of my mind I'm still thinking..."

"I know," he said again, putting an arm around her.

"I just want them to stop." she said, barely audible.

"Tell me about them." she looked at him with fear all over her face, "If you tell me about them and get it out it will help."

She nodded and took a deep breath, "How long it's going to take this time; how many times he is going to say he'll stop before he actually does. If he will be able to stop a second time. If he actually does stop and something comes up with the case, is he going to start again?" He tightened his arm around her shoulder, urging her to continue, "If I went over sooner what would have happened? How deep is he going to fall this time? I just...I can't make it stop Rick..."

"Ok...ok come here." he said, standing and holding out a hand for her.

She eyed him suspiciously, but took his hand, "Where are we going?"

"You," he said as he led them into the study, "are going to pick a book...any book...then we're going to lay down on that amazing pallet my daughter made and I'm going to read it to you."

"Rick I can't..." she tried to protest, even though she was fighting a smile.

"Trust me. It always helps Alexis."

"Yeah but..."

"Beckett! Pick a book."

"Ok ok." she held up her hands in surrender. She walked over to his expansive book collection and mulled them over before picking out 'Storm Fall'.

"Really?" he asked smirking. She picked one of his books? He always knew she was a huge fan, although she would never admit it.

"Are you really gonna get cocky and give me time to re think agreeing to this or are you going to read the book?"

"No, no." he said quickly, grabbing the book and leading her to the living room. When they got all settled on the pallet Rick turned to her, "Ok, close your eyes."

"Castle..."

"For it to work you have to close your eyes!" he argued.

"Fine" she huffed.

She closed her eyes and settled deeper into the pillows that propped her up. When he began reading she tried to focus on just his voice; the expressions he used and the voices he gave the characters. Not long after he began reading she found she was fully entrenched in the story, her mind finally relaxing. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see she was more relaxed; her face softened and her shoulders slacked. He smiled and grabbed her hand, lacing his fingers with hers and continued to read. He felt her stiffen when he took her hand but she kept her eyes closed and soon he felt her hand relax in his. About 30 minutes into the book he noticed her hand was limp in his. He looked over and noticed her even breathing; she was asleep.

He went to get up to leave but when he tried to take his hand back she suddenly squeezed it, "Stay." She said, repeating his words from earlier without opening her eyes.

"Kate, I thought you were asleep."

She opened her eyes and squeezed his hand again, "Stay." she repeated.

"Kate..." he said cautiously.

She rolled her eyes, "No funny business I promise. Just please stay?"

"Ok."

She smiled and pulled the blankets over both of them without releasing his hand. She scooted closer to him and put her head on his chest, their joined hands resting on his stomach. "Thank you," she said quietly, closing her eyes again.

He wrapped his free arm around her and squeezed her tight, "Always." He closed his eyes and after a few moments whispered, "We are going to have that conversation."

"I know," she sighed, eyes still closed.

"We _need_ to have that conversation."

"I know," she said again.

He opened his eyes and watched her drift off to sleep. Like the night before, when he could tell she was asleep he gave her a kiss on the forehead. He lowered his head and whispered in here ear, "I love you Kate. I wish you could just see that." However, this time, as soon as he said it he felt her squeeze his hand. He panicked for a moment—he was so sure she was asleep...what was she going to say? Was she going to run away? Was she going to freak out? But, when she did nothing but squeeze his hand again he took a deep breath...did she even hear him? Did she just squeeze his hand in her sleep? Was she asleep? Was she awake? Well, there was nothing he could do about it now. He squeezed her hand back and she snuggled into him more. 'Ok', he thought, reasoning to himself, 'she didn't hear, there is no way she heard and would still be here like this.' Now, able to relax, he fell asleep.

* * *

When Kate woke up the next morning she could tell it was still early by the dawn light streaming in through the blinds. She rolled over and couldn't help a smile when she saw Rick, mouth slightly open and hair tousled; he looked adorable. 'He loves me,' she thought, 'he told me he loved me.' Her smile got even bigger as she remembered. It was a whisper but she heard him clear as day, he loved her. She wished she could say it back. She wished she wasn't too afraid. But she was afraid...she was terrified. However, looking at him now, peacefully asleep, she couldn't remember why. She reached out and brushed back a piece of hair that had fallen near his eyes. "I love you too, Rick," she whispered.

His eyes shot open and she quickly pulled her hand back, covering her mouth, "What did you just say?"

"You're awake?"

He sat up, bringing her with him, "What did you just say?" he asked again.

"Rick I, I could have sworn you were asleep."

"I'm awake, just like you were when you heard me last night. Now what did you just say?"

"Rick..." she said, looking down.

"Katherine Beckett, repeat what you just said. Repeat what you just said and look me in the eyes when you do."

She looked up at him and stuttered, "I..Rick...I, I just…"

"What are you scared of Kate?"

"Losing you," she whispered.

He grabbed her hands, "You could never loose me."

"Rick I'm bad at this stuff. I'll screw it up. And if something happens to you..."

He suddenly remembered what she had told Alexis a few nights ago. How she didn't want to trust or get too attached because after her mom was murdered she saw people could be taken at any moment. Ok—so she didn't say it quite like that...but he knew her well enough to know that's what it boiled down to.

He brought one of his hands to her face to cup her cheek, "Kate nothing is going to happen to me. I know, I heard what you told Alexis remember?" She slowly nodded. "So I understand but Kate, please don't let that fear keep you from being happy."

She finally met his eyes, "I don't know how to let go like that."

"I know, but let me help you."

"I..." before she could respond further Alexis came bounding down the stairs. The adults jumped apart and Kate forced a smile towards Alexis who was already dressed for school, "Morning sweetheart."

"Kate!" Alexis said surprised, rushing over to where the detective was sitting with her dad and giving her a hug, "Your still here? Did you and dad fall asleep watching a movie?"

Well...no, but that sounded better than 'You're father read to me because I couldn't stop thinking and I was freaking out and then I begged him to stay here with me so I didn't have to be alone,' so yeah, why not go with that? "Yeah, and what are you doing ready for school so early?"

"I'm meeting Paige so we can get some extra studying in at the library before our big test today."

"You studied all day yesterday pumpkin, I'm sure you'll do great," Rick chimed in.

"I know but...I just want to be prepared..." she said as she bounded off to the kitchen to get breakfast.

Rick leaned over to whisper to Kate, "My daughter is a convenient distraction…but it doesn't get you off the hook."

"I have no idea where she gets her work ethics from." she said, hoping to change the subject.

He laughed, "Me neither. And don't think you're getting out of this..."

"Kate!" Alexis called from the Kitchen.

Kate shook her head and called back, "Coming Lex." she looked at Rick, "Looks like I am for now." she said quietly before she hopped up to join Alexis in the kitchen. Rick sighed; they really did have horrible timing.

"What's up kiddo?"

"What time do you have to be at the precinct today? I do have some time before I have to head to school and I was wondering if maybe you could help me make your amazing pancakes?"

"I, uhh, I'm actually not going in today. I have some stuff I need to take care of..."

"Speaking of which," Rick added, walking in the kitchen to join them, "Do you want me to call the boys and let them know you won't be in today? Then you girls could start on breakfast."

"Umm..." did she want that? Well, she didn't want to have to call and face their questions. Since she hardly took a day off voluntarily there were sure to be many. So it would be easier if he called, but she didn't want him too..."

"I'll just say you have something you need to do." he said, reading her mind, "That's all."

"You can't think they'll leave it alone at that."

"Well no, but I'm a writer. I can come up with something to appease them...don't worry."

"Okay, you go call the boys and Alexis and I will start breakfast." Alexis smiled and Rick nodded before heading to his study.

Kate and Alexis began gathering the supplies for breakfast. "Kate," Alexis started slowly, "Why aren't you going into work today?" the girl asked softly, setting the mixing bowl and measuring cup on the counter.

"Your dad is actually gonna go with me to talk to my dad..."

"Oh...oh Kate I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..."

Kate set the ingredients she gathered on the counter and set a reassuring hand on the girls shoulder, "Honey its fine. You can ask me anything, ok? I just...I didn't want the boys finding out. I mean, I love them like brothers and I know if your dad told them to keep it quiet they would I'm just...I'm just not ready for them to know yet."

Alexis nodded and wrapped her arms around Kate, "I'm still sorry."

"Thanks Lex but really, it's ok...I'm ok." Kate didn't really want to think about it right now so before she could get to emotional she pulled back and put her hands on some of the ingredients and said seriously, "Ok...now what I am about to show you is a top secret family recipe that must be shared with no one. Do you understand?"

Alexis laughed then made as serious of a face as she could and nodded, "Understood."

Both girls broke into laughter as they started mixing the ingredients. When Rick came out of his office he heard them laughing. He paused for a while to just watch them. He couldn't help it. His heart melted seeing how Kate interacted with his daughter. When Alexis opened the new bag of four, some went flying and hit Kate square in the face.

Alexis held her hands over her face to try and keep from laughing but couldn't suppress a laugh; and neither could Rick when he heard Kate's promise for revenge, "Oh you will pay for that you little minx!" she said as she wiped the flour out of her eyes.

Alexis ran around the counter as Kate stuck her hand in the flour, "Now Kate, that was an accident…and I'm in my uniform already." Kate just shrugged her shoulders as she looked at the flour in the palm of her hand. "Kate...you wouldn't..." But before Alexis could run Kate held out her hand and blew as hard as she could, successfully creating a cloud of flour in Alexis face. Both girls were looking at each other with huge smiles on their faces, laughing. He quickly took out his phone and zoomed in with the camera to snap a picture of the two of them. "I can't believe..." Alexis started but stopped as she heard her dad laughing. Both girls turned around, suddenly realizing they were being watched, "Oh you think that that's funny dad?"

"Well, yeah, a little. I mean, you two should see your faces" he said laughing. Alexis and Kate nodded at each other and each took some flour in their hands that had fallen on the counter. They began to move toward Rick as he backed up slowly, "Hey now...I had nothing to do with this, I was in there!" he pointed over his shoulder at his office. Both ladies shrugged as his legs hit the back of couch and he was stuck. They each blew their flour in his face and laughed as he comically shut his eyes and scrunched his face. When he heard the girls high fiving each other he opened his eyes. "I can't believe you turned my own daughter against me Beckett!"

Kate laughed and Alexis just shrugged, "Us girls stick together dad."

Kate nodded in agreement, "Yeah Castle, and you were getting way to much enjoyment out of seeing us like this."

"Still..." he muttered, sounding like a child.

Both girls laughed and Kate patted his cheek with her hand, leaving a flour hand print on his cheek, "grow up Castle".

"Great...I have a handprint on my face now don't I?" he asked. Both girls laughed harder and nodded their confirmation. He shook his head but couldn't help smiling watching his two favorite girls laugh.

"Lex you go ahead and change and fix your face for school. I'll finish up the pancakes."

"Ok" she laughed and ran up the stairs.

Kate turned around to find Rick just staring at her with that look. That look that made her stomach turn in knots, "What Castle?" she asked, trying to sound annoyed, but failing.

He shook his head, "It's just...Meredith has been stringing Alexis around lately and I know it's been bothering her more than she'll tell me and I...I haven't...I haven't seen my daughter smile and laugh like that in a long time Kate."

Kate blushed and turned to look up the stairs where the teenager had gone, "I know I told you this already but Rick...your kid…I don't know how you did it but she's amazing."

Rick laughed, "I don't know either."

That earned another laugh from Beckett as she turned around to face him. She looked at him seriously, "Thank you for sharing her with me."

"What? Kate you're family. You know that. Don't...don't ever thank me for that. She smiled and he brought a hand to her cheek to wipe some of the flour off her face. He chuckled, "You look cute covered in flour."

She blushed, refusing to look him in the eyes. "I should umm...I should go finish those pancakes," she said softly, pulling away from him.

He grabbed her hand gently, "You know, Alexis has to leave for school in 20 minutes and then you aren't going to have any more excuses."

"Rick please," She begged, "I just...on top of everything else I can't…I just can't deal with this right now." she said pulling away and walking to the kitchen. He sighed as he watched her quickly shuffling around the kitchen. This was going to be a long day.

After Alexis left for school they busied themselves cleaning the kitchen (and living room thanks to the girls) of the flour mess. Rick decided to let the conversation drop for now, knowing if he kept at it she would just push him away even more. He had finally got her to agree to letting him be there for her with her dad, and that was enough for now.

"What time were you thinking of going to your dads?" He asked when they were almost finished cleaning.

"We have to call him...but I was thinking around 10:00? That will give me time to go home and get cleaned up." Rick gave her a worried look and she sighed, "Castle I have to go home to shower and change..."

"I know I know I just...you won't just go by yourself right? I mean if you really want to go alone I won't stand in the way I just really want to be there and..."

"Rick," she stopped him, "I want..." she took a breath and looked him in the eyes, "I need you to come with me. I'm not gonna go without you." She saw the relief that came over his face. "So, why don't I go home and shower and I'll meet you back here at 9:30?"

"Do you want me to call your dad?"

"Would you?"

He smiled, "Of course."

"Thank you," she sighed in relief, "Ok, then I'll be back at 9:30." she said as she gathered her stuff and walked to the door. She saw the look on Rick's face. He was still worried she would cut him out and go on her own. "I promise, I'll be back."

"Ok...ok I'll see you in a little bit."

She nodded, "Yes you will."

He smiled again, "Ok, bye Kate."

She just smiled at him as she walked out. He sighed again...this was going to be a _very_ long day.

* * *

They made it to Jim's house by 10:00. Kate was looking forward to getting this over with. She thought she was ready to see him—however, when they got to his door and Castle went to knock on the door she grabbed his hand to stop him, "Wait!" she said quickly. He brought his hand down and gave her a questioning look. "I...this was a mistake Castle I can't do this yet I...I can't talk to him." she said and quickly started to walk away.

Castle caught up to her and gently grabbed her arm to spin her around, "Hey. Kate, hey, it's ok."

She shook her head frantically, "No it's not I...we shouldn't have come because I just...I can't hear about why and...and what if he's...I can't think about...and he...I don't want to get mad and yell but..."

Castle could see she was starting to panic so he lowered them down to sit against the wall and quickly wrapped his arms around her. "Listen to me," he said gently, holding her tighter when she began shaking, "It's going to be fine—Its just your dad. And I'll be there with you. And if you get upset that's ok. You are allowed to get upset, or mad, or angry."

"But if I say something..."

"Kate, he's a big boy, he can take it."

"Or he'll just get upset and start drinking more..."

He pulled back so he could look at her face, "Is that what you're afraid of? Is...is that what happened last time?"

"Whenever I would confront him he would get so mad and...and he said that I...that me yelling at him to stop drinking was only going to push him to drink more because I was upsetting him. It was like the world's worst catch 22...if I didn't do anything he would keep drinking...but if I said something he would just drink more. It...it was bad..."

"But you obviously did something that worked," he said gently.

Kate let out a sad chuckle, "Yeah, walked away..."

"What?"

She took a deep breath. She had never told anyone about this. "I...I did help him get sober last time but it...you know how you said yesterday you couldn't help someone who didn't want it?" she waited for his nod and then continued, "Well...after a year of going back and forth with him I walked away. I had spent so much time and energy trying to figure out a solution to make him want to stop but...nothing I said or did mattered. I would stay up at night researching alcoholism and trying to think of something to fix it...I didn't get any sleep...it...it was getting bad. So...I walked away. I told him to call me when he was ready to be my dad again and left. I spent...God, I spent so many nights after that wondering if he was still alive, or if he had drank himself to death or choked after he passed out. Wondering if I did the right thing…wondering if my mom would have been proud of me for walking away or mad at me. Two weeks later he called me. He had told me he would stop so many times...I hardly believed him anymore. But, this time he said he had made an appointment with a counselor and he had never done that before. I had tried to get him to go but he always refused. He told me HE was ready to get sober and get the help he needed and that HE wanted it this time. When I heard that I thought maybe he was serious about stopping, so I agreed to go with him. I told him as long as he was getting help I would be there. He stuck with it, accepted the help, so I was there. But Castle it took it getting that bad, it...it took those agonizing two weeks where I didn't even know if my dad was alive. I was so sure I had lost him too and I...if I have to go through that again I don't...I don't think I can do it. I don't think I can handle lying up at night wondering if I was going to get a call from the hospital, or keeping my phone with my 24-7...just hoping he would call...sitting in my living room alone every night after work wondering..."

"But you're not alone this time Kate," he stopped her, "that isn't going to happen because you aren't going through this alone." He cupped he cheek, "You can call me anytime, day or night. You know that. I can be there in 15 minutes-10 if I'm lucky. So if that happens, you call or come over or something." When she didn't say anything for a while he grabbed her hand, "Hey...tell me what you're thinking. What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?"

"I...I don't..." She took a breath, "I don't deserve you." she whispered.

His eyes widened, "What?" he asked confused. "Why would you...wait—is that what's been holding you back?"

"No. Yes. Maybe...I...I don't know." she stuttered, "I just...it's complicated Rick"

"It doesn't have to be." he said softly. She gave him a pleading look, "Ok I know...not right now. But just...just know that statement is wrong on so many levels Kate. But right now, let's go talk to your dad ok?" she just nodded and they stood up. She didn't let go of his hand and as they approached the door she squeezed it tighter. Before he knocked he turned to her, "You ok?"

"Yeah…but you …you're not going anywhere?"

He shook his head, "Not going anywhere. It'll be ok Kate. I promise." she just nodded and he knocked. She looked at him, fear all over her face. He just squeezed her hand in reassurance as the door opened.

"Kate, Rick. I'm glad you came"

"Hi dad." Kate said softly.

"Please, come in." he said, stepping to the side and letting them in. Castle went to let go of Kate's hand, figuring she wouldn't want him holding her hand in front of her father, and that she would want her space right now. To his surprised she gripped his hand, not allowing him to let go. He turned his hand to lace his fingers with hers and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "Please, have a seat," Jim said, gesturing to the couch, "I'll get us some ice tea." They sat on the couch in silence until Jim came back. There was a few long minutes of awkward silence, nobody knowing what to say. Finally Jim spoke up, "Katie I, I don't really know what to say."

"Me neither dad."

"I don't think there is anything I can say other than I'm really sorry."

Kate nodded, "Me too."

"This isn't going to be like last time Katie, I promise you that. I don't know if Rick told you but I poured everything down the drain already...right after you left. And I called my sponsor. I am meeting with him today. We're gonna talk about what would be the best program for me to do. They have some outpatient treatment plans that he think will be good. And I'm going to a meeting this afternoon. I'm telling you, this is not going to be like last time. I know you don't have a reason to believe me but you'll see."

"What happened dad?"

Jim sighed, "Honestly I don't know. I…it's not that simple to explain. It's not any one thing. Last year with Coonan, and Raglan this year. Things just kept coming up slowly and suddenly a few months ago everything I thought I had buried years ago came at me full force and I didn't handle it right."

"Why didn't you come to me dad? Why didn't you talk to me? Or talk to your sponsor before things got bad again? We could have helped you."

"Because I didn't want you to blame yourself …and I was embarrassed. I didn't want to admit that I was having trouble again. I was trying to ignore it...ignore my problems. You know you got that avoidance tactic from somewhere. Well...it's the same thing."

"What!?" Kate said, starting to get annoyed, "It is NOT the same thing dad! I might not like to talk about my problems but I don't drink them away! And I accept help when I need it."

"Kate..." Castle whispered, squeezing her hand to try and calm her down.

"No." she said turning to him, then back to her dad, "You don't get to compare us dad."

"Kate I'm not saying that. I'm saying...look you're right...you don't drink your problems away. But you have your own way of avoiding problems...I have mine. And Katie I love you but...yeah you accept help, but only after a fight and you know I'm right. And I'm not faulting that. I'm just trying to help you understand..."

Kate nodded, thinking back to Rick fighting with her to let him be there for her...and her ignoring her feeling something was wrong because she didn't want to face it. Maybe her father had a point. "Ok…ok I understand what you're saying."

Jim let out a breath of relief, "Good. Look, I know you are going to blame yourself for this but you can't. This is nobody's fault but my own."

"But dad...If I hadn't"

"Katherine," he interrupted, "You did nothing wrong ok. This is my responsibility, not yours."

"I'm still sorry dad."

"You shouldn't be. Katie, I don't want you to stop investigating this thing because it's making it hard on me because it's bringing everything back up. I want you to stop because it could be dangerous, and because I see what it's doing to you. I already lost your mom to these people; I couldn't handle loosing you too. And you know your mother would want you to live and be happy, not chasing this thing and burying yourself in it."

"I'm not burying myself in it!" Kate said, beginning to get defensive, "And don't make this about me. This isn't about me. I'm in control, you aren't."

"Katie..." he tried but she interrupted.

"I'm fine dad, I'm handling this. You aren't. So don't try and turn the tables."

"Kate, this has made me realize something. You investigating this thing…it's like my drinking. You can't stop once you've started—you get in it so deep you can see what it's doing to you, but others can. I am going to stop drinking. I did it before and with some work, I know I can do it again. But, I need you to stop investigating."

"I cannot believe you are doing this dad!"

"I am worried about you just like you're worried about me Katie. I'm telling you I'm gonna get help. I just want you to tell me the same."

Kate shook her head, "I can't believe this," she said going to get up but Rick tightened his hold on her hand and wouldn't let her. "Castle..." she warned.

"Kate just hear him out okay?"

"What?! No!" she said glaring at Castle then turning to her dad, "Dad, there is no reason to worry about me. Like I said, I'm FINE! You are the one who is not in control anymore. And I'm going to get to the bottom of this damn case—and I'll be just fine. I can handle it."

Jim looked at Rick, "Is she fine Rick?"

Rick opened his mouth to talk but Kate stopped him, her eyes never leaving her fathers. "Castle you better not say a word! You do NOT get to ask him that like I'm some child dad!"

"I know you aren't a child Kate, but you are _my_ child. I did not handle things right again and started drinking. I admit that and I am going to do what I have to do to get better. I'm not saying it will be easy, or there may not be some struggles—but I _want_ to get help now. It isn't going to get like last time. But you…I saw what this did to you last time Kate. If you keep investigating you are going to lose yourself in this again. I'm not trying to turn the tables and avoid what I did, but I think that it's time both of us let this go for good, and I think you know there is only one way to do that."

"Yeah...to find the people behind this!" she practically yelled.

"Or to let it go." Jim sat there softly.

Kate just sat there stunned. This was the last thing she expected to happen. She thought her dad would be denying he had a problem again, saying he was fine. She thought she would be trying to convince him to get help. She thought she would be confronting him—not the other way around. He was right, this wasn't like last time. He was saying he wanted help...and he wanted her to stop investigating? Her head was spinning.

Castle noticed her distress, "Kate?"

She turned to look at him and he could tell she was freaking out. "Katie I know it's a lot," her dad started, "Just...will you please consider what I said?" She just nodded, not knowing what to say, and not trusting herself to speak. "Thank you. And I promise I am not going to let you down again ok? I am getting help right away this time. It isn't going to get out of hand."

"OK" she whispered. Damn it—she didn't know whether to be happy or mad. She was so angry at her father for asking her to let the case go, but she was so relieved he wasn't denying he had a problem and that he actually wanted to get help. "But please...just talk to me, keep me in the loop. Don't ignore my calls or pull away from me. If something is getting to be too much...will you promise to talk to me?"

Jim nodded, "I promise Katie."

"And dad, same thing as last time. You are getting help so I'll be here. I want to help you in any way I can." Her dad gave her a look and she knew what he wanted to say, "I know dad...and I...I'll think about what you said. But let me go to meetings with you, or go to counseling sessions with you, go to the store with you to help you be strong...anything you need. Just please let me help."

Jim smiled at his daughter, "Thank you. Thinking about it is all I can ask for. It's more than you've been willing to do before." Kate nodded and Jim looked at his watch, "I'm sorry kids, but I have to meet my sponsor."

"Don't be sorry dad, that's a good thing." Kate said, standing from the couch with Rick. She let go of his hand to give her father a hug, "I love you dad."

"I love you too Katie. Thank you for coming over." He turned to Rick and shook his hand, "Thank you Rick."

Rick nodded, "Of course."

He grabbed Kate's hand again as they walked out of the apartment and they both missed the smile on Jim's face. They walked to the car in silence. Once they had been driving a few minutes Castle decided to ask her. He knew he shouldn't, but he just had to know...

"Kate, are you really gonna think about it? Or were you just saying that to make him happy?"

"Honestly?" she asked, looking straight ahead, "I don't know. You agree with him don't you?" she asked accusingly, turning to look at him.

"Are you going to get mad at me if I say yes?" she shrugged her shoulders and he sighed, "Why don't we go get some coffee and talk about it?"

She nodded, "Ok..."

**And…..?**


	9. Chapter 9

**Again, thank you for all the kind words and favorites and follows! They make my day! Hope you enjoy this chapter! Hopefully you'll be laughing at parts-I had fun with the scenes at the pricinct! Stephanie**

Once they were seated at the coffee house with two coffees sitting in front of them Rick waited patiently for Kate to start talking. However, she was only looking down at the coffee gripped tightly in her hands so he broke the silence, "So…not really what you were expecting huh?"

Kate let out a slight chuckle, "You could say that." She finally looked up at him, "What am I supposed to do with this Castle? I mean, I thought I was going to be begging him to get help…I thought I was going to be trying to convince him to stop not…not the other way around. Instead he says he _wants_ to get help, and then he throws this at me? Do you…" she took a deep breath, willing herself to ask the question, "Do you think it's the same thing?"

"Is what the same thing?"

"What he said, about his drinking and me investigating this case…do you think it's the same thing?"

He began hesitantly, "Kate...you know how I feel about this. But you also know I understand why you are doing it."

"You aren't answering the question."

He sighed, "I…I see what he's saying…" he said carefully.

"So is that a yes or a no Castle?" she asked, starting to get a little frustrated.

"I don't…Kate…" How did he explain this? If he said yes she was just going to get defensive and shut down. If he said no, he would be lying. He spoke slowly, choosing his words very carefully, "Kate, you said you lay awake at night thinking about this case. You said it's constantly running through your mind. You said you wake up in the middle of the night from nightmares of stabbings and alleyways." She looked back down at her coffee but he continued, "I don't…I don't know exactly what happened with this case the last time Kate—you haven't ever told me how bad it got. You only told me you knew you had to stop. But…I do know what is happening now. I see the dark circles under your eyes. I see the weight you've lost. I see the constant pained expression in your eyes. I see how you've become quieter and more distracted in the last month. Can I say that it is the 'same' as drinking? No. But you tell me Kate…could you stop investigating right now? How bad is it? How bad did it have to get last time before you realized you had to stop? How bad does it have to get this time before you see what it's doing to you?"

Kate finally looked up at him, "I…I don't know." She said softly. "I just have to do this Castle. For so many reasons I...I need to catch them."

"I know you need to get justice but is it worth this Kate?"

"I...it's not just that Castle..."

"Then what is it? What is so important that it's worth what this is doing to you? What is worth more than your happiness; and possibly your life?"

"I...I..." she stuttered and then looked down gripping her coffee cup, not being able to find the words.

"Kate tell me. What is so important?" she just shook her head; still not looking him in the eye. Castle sighed, "Kate please. What is it?"

"Rick it doesn't matter. I just..."

"It DOES matter Kate!"

"Leave it alone Castle! I just need to do it ok?"

"But _why_? We could be talking about your life here Kate. And we _are _talking about your health and your well-being. You don't…you don't see it Kate but this is dragging you down. Slowly but surely this is destroying you. What could possibly be worth that?"

"You!" she said in frustration. As soon as she said it she slapped her hand over her mouth. She hadn't meant to say it...she was just getting so damn frustrated because he wouldn't let it go and...

His eyes widened "Me?" he asked softly. He could tell by her reaction it had slipped, and her eyes were glassy from fighting the tears. "Hey why don't we just take a walk ok?" She just nodded and silently followed him outside, the coffee forgotten. She stiffened and tried to pull away when he grabbed her hand but he wouldn't let her. When they came to a bench he sat them down. "What did you mean Kate?"

"Rick..."

"Kate. What did you mean by it?"

She sighed, "I just...if I..." She ran a frustrated hand through her hair, "I want...ugh Rick I can't explain it."

"Try" he encouraged, squeezing her hand.

She took a deep breath, "Ever since my mom was murdered I've been...I've had this wall. And I just...finding the people behind this is the only way I feel like I can break it down and move forward and not be..."

"Not be what Kate?"

"Afraid," she whispered.

"Kate," he took her face in his hands, "What are you afraid of?"

"I told you..."

"No...you told me part of it. I know there's more you aren't telling me."

After what seemed like an eternity she finally spoke up, "I'm not used to needing anyone Rick. After my mom died and my dad starting drinking I just got used to taking care of myself and I didn't need anybody. And then you come along and I...I've always wanted my space and liked being alone but you...I've never wanted to be around someone all the time or..."

"You're afraid of needing someone?" he asked softly. "You're afraid of needing _me_?" She just nodded, "Oh Kate..."

"If I need you and get more attached and then something happens to you, or you figure out that there are easier girls out there and...but if I solve this damn thing I won't be so screwed up and then..."

"Ok wait, stop right there." he interrupted, "You think I'm gonna go find some other girl? That, what? I'll just bail because things get tough sometimes?"

"I...well come on Rick, there are easier girls out there to date and I..."

"Am the only one I want" he finished her sentence and she looked at him, shocked. "I don't want another girl. I don't want a quote on quote 'easier' girl'. I don't want you only if this thing is behind you. I don't want you only if you have no issues. Kate everyone has issues-hell I have two failed marriages. I don't want any of that. I just want _you_." Tears were now streaming down her cheeks from his words. 'Now or never,' he thought. So, he took a deep breath and threw caution to the wind, "I. Love. You." Her eyes widened at his words. That was so not what she was expecting. More tears feel as he continued. "I love you Kate—your laugh, your smile, your passion for your job. You are the most remarkable, stubborn, extraordinary, frustrating woman I've ever met and I'm...God...I'm so in love with you." He finished, wiping the tears off her face and leaning his forehead against hers, "I love you," he whispered again.

"Rick...I...I..."

"If you didn't mean what you said this morning when you thought I was asleep, tell me to stop," he whispered, leaning closer so their lips were almost touching.

"Don't stop," she said softly before closing the distance and touching her lips to his.  
When they finally broke apart he rested his forehead against hers, "So, you wanna to do this?" he asked quietly. She slowly nodded yes, biting her bottom lip. "We're gonna give it a shot?" Again, she nodded. "You're sure?"

Kate shook her head in exasperation, "Yes I'm sure." She said softly, "Now, are you gonna sit and ask questions or are you gonna kiss me again?" Rick laughed before quickly bringing his lips to hers in another kiss.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that," he said after they broke apart a few minutes later, his thumbs stroking her cheeks. She smiled and laughed softly.  
They walked to the park and spent the rest of the afternoon there, walking around, talking about everything and anything. He bought her another coffee because they left theirs at the coffee shop, and he couldn't have an un-caffeinated Kate on his hands. Kate thought it would be scary but she was shocked at how natural it felt, holding his hand, having his arm around her...it just felt normal and...and right?

* * *

When they finally made it home it was close to 4:00. "Lex?" he called out, wondering if she was home from school yet. When there was no answer he shrugged, "Guess she'll be home any minute." He said to Kate, helping her out of her jacket and hanging their jackets up.

They went and sat on the couch and she turned to him, "Rick, thank you for today."

His jaw dropped, "Wh…what?" What was she thanking him for?

"That was…it was just the perfect afternoon and after this morning it was just what I needed."

He smiled and grabbed her hand, "I agree. Getting to kiss you and hold your hand and put an arm around you without having to fear getting shot? The perfect afternoon." She laughed. A full Kate Beckett laugh. The laugh that made him fall even more in love with her every time he heard it, "You're so beautiful when you laugh and smile like that." he whispered. She blushed and quickly turned her head down. "Hey! Don't hide it woman! Jeez!" he exclaimed bringing a finger under her chin to make her look at him. He rested his forehead against hers and they stared into each other's eyes. "God, I want to kiss you right now."

Kate smirked, "Well, what's stopping you?" she said flirtatiously.

He laughed softly, "I guess I just…I can't believe I'm aloud to do that now. This doesn't seem real. I just want to make sure I don't…"  
Kate shook her head and moved closer to him, wrapping her arms around his neck, "Rick!" she interrupted him, "Just kiss me." He smiled and brought his hand to the back of her head, bringing her to him for a kiss.

A few minutes later things were starting to get a little heated and they were so distracted they didn't notice Alexis coming in. "Hey dad, I'm…..Kate!" she said, obviously surprised to see her on the couch kissing her father. They quickly pulled apart like two teenagers caught making out by one of their parents, "I didn't …I just wanted to let you, umm…I'm home. I'll uh, go…I have…upstairs…homework," Alexis stammered. She quickly ran up to her room before either adult could say anything.

"Well that was great." Kate sighed.

Rick chuckled, "Kate, it'll be fine. Let me just go talk to her," he said, starting to get up.

"No, wait!" she stopped him.

He stopped and narrowed his eyes at her, "You want to talk to her, don't you?" Kate just nodded her head. "You sure?" he asked.

"Yes. I mean, we know what she is thinking…this is about me. I need…I have to talk to her."

"Ok." He pulled her into a hug, "It'll be fine Kate. She loves you. It was just a shock."

Kate held him as tight as she could, "As much as I would like to think that…you know that isn't all this is."

Rick sighed, "I know but…I thought you talked about that."

She pulled away to look at him, still in his arms, "I did, we did, but…I'm sure it's still in the back of her mind. I mean, can you blame her?"

"No." he let out a frustrated breath, "Damn it. You know…next time I see Meredith I just…God that woman."

Kate chuckled, "Oh I know, trust me. I have a few choice words for her myself."

He raised an eyebrow, "You didn't get enough in before?"

"Oh that was nothing." She mumbled, obviously still furious at Meredith. "She made that girl question whether or not I care about her. Furious doesn't even begin to describe…nothing I can say will ever…I just…that was nothing," she ended lamely. She was so mad at her she couldn't think straight.

Now it was Rick who chuckled. He hugged her again, "I know. We'll deal with Meredith later."

"You're right, you're right. Right now I need to make sure Alexis is ok." Rick nodded and she squeezed her arms around him before pulling away.

"I'll be good and stay down here." He assured her.

"Suuuuure you will" she called behind her as she started walking away.

When she got to Alexis' room the door was cracked. Peeking through, she could see Alexis sitting on her bed leaning over her book. She had a pencil in her hand but she wasn't working. Kate could tell; she was just staring of into space thinking. "Lex?" She said as she quietly knocked on the door before pushing it open the rest of the way and peeking her head in, "Can we talk?"

Alexis nodded her head, "Yeah, sure," she replied softly, putting the pencil in her textbook and shutting it.

Kate walked over at sat at the edge of the bed, nervously wringing her hands together. Well damn…this was weird. What was she supposed to say here—'Yeah I'm kind of making out with your dad now…?' She took a breath, "So, I uh…I bet that was kind of awkward for you huh?"

Alexis let out a nervous chuckle, "Ha…yeah, just a little."

Ok, so at least she wasn't the only one that was nervous here, "Alexis, you remember what we talked about right?" Alexis nodded, "Ok, so….so you're ok with this? You know it doesn't change anything?"

"I do." Alexis answered, "I do know. But…" Alexis suddenly stopped and looked down.

"But what honey?" Kate encouraged.

They sat in silence for a few moments until Alexis blurted it out, "What happens if you guys break up or get divorced? What if that happens and it's ugly?"

Ohhh…so that's what she was scared of? Her mother had left after she and Rick broke up; Alexis thought she would do the same thing. "Alexis you are getting way ahead of yourself," she soothed, "First of all, we've only been together for," Kate looked at her watch, "about 4 hours. No one is getting married any time soon ok?" Alexis nodded, "Second, IF we do get married, it'll be for keeps. I told your dad once that I was a 'one and done' type and I meant it. And finally," she continued, running a hand over Alexis's hair, "if we DO break up, I don't think it will be ugly. I am pretty sure that your dad would agree with me that, if that ever happened, it would be amicable and we would always be friends. But even if it was horrible, that has nothing to do with you. That is between me and your dad it won't…nothing will change my relationship with you. But…can I tell you a secret?" Alexis nodded and Kate smiled, "I _really _don't see me and your father ever breaking up."

Alexis looked up at her with wide eyes, "What?"

"I don't….Alexis I think…one and done remember? Well, I think your dad is my one."

That brought a smile out of the girl, "Really?" she asked excitedly.

Kate nodded and smiled back, "Yeah, really."

"But…but even if?"

"Even if. I would still be there for him Alexis. I would still be there for you. Always. Okay?"

Alexis smiled even bigger, "Yeah…yeah okay." She pulled Kate into a hug, "Thank you." She whispered.

Kate smiled as she held her tight, "You have nothing to thank me for sweetheart."

"Kate, you said I could ask you anything right?"

"Of course." She answered, pulling back to look at the girl, "What's up?"

"How did the visit with your dad go?"

"Oh umm…"

Alexis could tell Kate was uncomfortable talking about it. "You don't have to answer that, I'm sorry. I just…I just wanted to make sure you were ok..."

"Hey Lex," Kate interrupted, "I told you that you could ask me anything…and I meant it. It's just…it's kind of early to tell what's gonna happen you know?"

Alexis nodded her understanding. "Are you ok?" she asked softly.

Kate gave her a soft smile, "I will be sweetie."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure. It's…it'll just take some time to see how everything pans out." Kate wasn't about to tell her everything that happened. Man, she had a lot to think about; and she had no clue what to do. But Alexis didn't need any more to worry about right now. Alexis suddenly wrapped her arms around Kate. Kate rested her head on top of hers, "Thank you for asking Alexis."

"You're welcome. Just remember we're here ok?"

Kate nodded, "I will. I love you honey. I love you so much."

"I love you too."

Kate pulled back to look at her, "Now, why don't we get back down there so your dad knows you're ok. You _are_ ok right? We're ok?" She asked, gesturing between them. She had to ask… had to make sure…

Alexis smiled, "Yeah Kate, we're ok. And I'm ok."

"And if you're not…"

"You'll be one of the first to know." Alexis finished for her.

"Good girl." Kate said, standing up and holding out a hand to help Alexis off the bed.

When Rick saw them walk down the stairs he immediately jumped up to walk toward them, "Is everything ok you two?"

Alexis smiled and gave her dad a huge hug, "Everything is fine. And I'm really happy about this dad. Really really happy."

Rick gave Kate a questioning look and she just shrugged her shoulder and smiled. He shook his head and gave his daughter a kiss on her head, "I'm glad Alexis. That means a lot to me."

"Well," Alexis said when her dad finally released her, "I really do have a lot of homework to do." She said as they all laughed, "So…call me for dinner?"

"You got it pumpkin." Rick said. When they heard Alexis' door shut he immediately turned to Kate, "Is she really ok?"

"Yeah Rick, she's ok. She uh… she was just kinda worried about what would happen if we broke up. She was afraid if that ever happened I would just up and leave."

"You wouldn't."

Kate smiled at his confidence in her. She was glad he knew that she would never do that, "I wouldn't." she agreed.

"But then again…that is what her mother did so I can see why she was worried. I hate that she worries about this stuff."

"I know…"

"It's not fair to her."

Kate grabbed his hand to try and comfort him, "I know."

"But…she's really ok?" he asked again.

"She's fine, I promise."

Rick pulled her into a hug, "Thank you Kate."

"Always," she whispered, leaning her head on his shoulder. As they were standing there she realized…he had told her he loved her—when he knew she was awake. He said it more than once and…she didn't say it back did she? She said she loved him when she thought he was asleep, but has she told him after he said it? She hadn't, had she? Oh no… "Castle," she said urgently, pulling back and gently taking his face in her hands, "I love you. I'm so sorry I didn't say it earlier, I can't… I didn't even realize I didn't say it and I can't believe…I'm so sorry Castle, I'm so…" He cut her off with his mouth on hers, kissing her lovingly. When they broke apart she smiled, "I take it you forgive me."

He chuckled and his face broke out in the biggest grin she had ever seen, "I love you, Kate."

Her smile got even bigger, "I love you too." She wrapped her arms around his neck and peppered his cheek with kisses, "I love you, I love you, I love you, I…" she squeaked as he lifted her off the ground and spun her around, both of them laughing, "Rick, put me down!"

He complied and they just looked at each other, smiling, "You don't know how happy you make me." He said softly.

"Well if it's half as happy as you make me, I think I have an idea."

"We need to go out, on a date. A real date; where I pick you up and bring you flowers and take you to a fancy restaurant."

Kate laughed, "I think that can be arranged."

He took her hand and let her to the couch, "I'm assuming you want to keep this quiet at the precinct?"

"Well I…I mean, I'm not ashamed of being with you. I don't want you to think that at all. Its just..."

"Kate I understand, it's ok. We can tell, or not tell, whoever you want. And we'll keep it out of the papers."

"How long can we keep that up?"

"However long you want."

"Paula won't be happy about that will she?"

"I really don't care if Paula's happy."

"Thank you. I just want to share this with our family and friends right now."

"So you want to tell Lanie and the boys?"

She nodded, "They're our friends. Besides, the boys would figure it out anyway and I…I really couldn't handle the wining from Lanie if she found out I didn't tell her."

Rick laughed, "You're right, she'd be insufferable."

"Oh you have no idea…"

"So just mother and Alexis, your dad, the boys and Lanie, and the Captain." She nodded her agreement. "You know," he smirked, "Before we tell Lanie and the boys…we could totally have some fun messing with them. The whole 'are they' or 'aren't they' thing? It could get quite entertaining…"

"I like the way you think, Mr. Castle."

* * *

They had decided they wouldn't torture their friends for too too long…only for the morning. Which, judging by the looks on their faces by lunchtime, was a good idea. Between the wink Kate gave Castle when he gave her her morning coffee, the way Castle rested his hand on her knee when they were reviewing a case file, and them holding hands when Kate was finishing up some paper work, it seemed that both the boys and Lanie were going crazy wondering what was going on. Around noon Kate and Rick announced they were going to grab some lunch. As they were walking toward the elevator she whispered to him, "Ready?"

"Oh, I am ALWAYS ready for this." He whispered suggestively as they stepped into the elevator. She rolled her eyes but couldn't help but smile. Rick pressed the button to the lobby and as the doors were closing, he gently grabbed Kate's face and kissed her. Before the doors closed they heard their friends yelling in surprise.

As soon as it closed they both burst out laughing, "Oh we so have it coming to us after lunch." Kate said once she calmed down enough to talk. Before Rick could respond her phone buzzed, "Or maybe before," she laughed reading her text from Lanie.

'**You—Me. As SOON as you get back! You better hurry your skinny ass up!'**

She showed her phone to Rick who read it and started laughing again, "You have fun with that conversation." Just then Rick's phone buzzed; two messages—one from Ryan and one from Esposito, both saying the same thing.

'**Be prepared…'**

"Be prepared? That sounds like a threat! You get the excited friend and I get threatened? What's that about?!" Rick exclaimed.

Kate just laughed at his affronted look and shrugged her shoulders, "They're like my brothers…"

"I know…but they're supposed to be my friends…" he mumbled as they walked out of the building to Remy's.

"Sorry, sister trumps friend…"

"Hmph," he pouted

Kate laughed and took his hand, "Come on, I'll buy you a burger before you have to deal with the talk from the boys."

"Ohh! Can I get a shake too?!" Rick asked hopefully when they walked into the restaurant. Kate just rolled her eyes.

Rick was fidgeting as they got into the elevator to ride back up to the homicide floor, "Rick, calm down. It'll be fine."

"Easy for you to say! You aren't about to be threatened by two guys who know how to make your murder look like an accident!"

"Oh they aren't going to kill you," Kate said. After Castle let out a relieved sigh she added, "They'll only rough you up a little bit." His eyes got wide and she winked at him.

"Now that was just mean!"

Kate laughed and the elevator opened. They were immediately met with their three friends, who appeared to have not moved an inch.

Lanie jumped up and grabbed Kate's arm, "You come with me Beckett," she said as she dragged Kate to the ladies room and locked the door before anyone could say anything.

Lanie just stared Kate down, arms folded across her chest, "Talk!"

"About what?" Kate asked innocently, but had to bite her bottom lip to keep from laughing.

"Oohh girl!" Lanie said getting frustrated, "Do NOT make me hurt you!" Kate didn't say anything, only laughed. "Katherine Beckett I'm warning you!"

"Ok, ok. Yes." She said simply.

"Yes!? Yes?! That's all I get?! I don't think so! I want details! How? When? You've been keeping this a secret?"

"Woah Lanie, slow down," Kate laughed, "It just happened yesterday and it…it's a really long story. Trust me, I can't get into it all here but we'll have a girls night soon, I promise.

Lanie sighed, "Ok, but you are committing to a day and time before we leave for the day. Why didn't I get a call yesterday? Or at least a text!?"

Kate shrugged and smiled, "We wanted to mess with you guys a little."

Lanie's jaw hit the ground, "I can't believe…this has Castle written all over it."

"It may have been his idea," she smirked, "but come on…the look on your faces were priceless." Kate laughed.

Lanie shook her head but smiled, unable to hide being happy for her friend, "I will get you back Beckett."

"Yeah, yeah," Kate smiled, obviously not concerned. Lanie gave her a weird look, "What?" Kate asked self-consciously.

"You're…you look happy Kate. I can't…I don't think I've ever seen you smile this much." Lanie said softly

Kate's smile got bigger, "I…I am. I'm really happy Lanie."

Lanie pulled Kate into a hug, "It's so great to see you laughing."

"Aww Lanie…thank you." Kate said squeezing her friend back.

"I think we should go rescue your boy," Lanie said pulling back.

Kate laughed, "Good idea."

As soon as Lanie dragged Kate away the boys had motioned for Rick to come sit down. Rick stuttered as he walked over to them, "N…now just remember guys I…we're friends!" Rick swallowed hard when he saw the look on their faces, "Aren't we?" he asked hesitantly as he sat down.

"Not for the next two minutes," Ryan said.

Ryan and Esposito stood up and stared Rick down, "You know we like you Bro," Javi started.

"But we feel it's only fair to warn you…" Ryan continued.

Javier got in Castles face, "If you do ANYTHING to hurt her…if you break her heart…"

Now Ryan got in his face, "we will make you hurt."

Rick gulped, "Understood."

Smiles broke out on both Esposito and Ryan's faces and they backed up, "It's about damn time bro." Javier said and Ryan nodded.

"Ok, so we're friends again?" Rick asked sarcastically.

Ryan shrugged, "We just needed to make sure you got the message."

"Yeah well…message received," Rick mumbled. Javier and Kevin exchanged a high five and Rick gave a hurt look, "Ok definitely not feeling the love here guys."

Both the boys laughed, "Honestly Castle, we're really happy for you guys." Javier confirmed, "We're just looking out for our girl. Kind of our job."

"I know, and I'm glad you guys look out for her. But really, you don't have to worry. You know I would never do anything to intentionally hurt her." The boys nodded. Kate and Lanie had left the bathroom and at this time were walking up to them. When they heard Castle talking they stopped, still unseen. "I mean, I've been waiting for this chance for years. I'm not about to do anything to mess it up." Again, the boys nodded.

Kate's eyes widened and she looked at Lanie, "Years?" she whispered. Before Lanie could reply Kate quickly walked over to Castle, "Years?" she asked him in a whisper.

Rick stood up, shocked; obviously not expecting her to hear that. "I…well…yeah I just…I'm sorry If I shouldn't have…" Before he could finish Kate grabbed his face and kissed him.

When they broke apart she rested her forehead against his, "I'm so sorry Castle."

"Don't be, you're worth the wait," he said softly.

An 'awww' was heard from both Lanie and Ryan. Esposito gave Ryan a slap on the shoulder, "Dude, really?"

"Oh come on man! That was sweet!" Ryan defended himself.

Esposito shook his head and Kate and Rick finally broke their gaze, "So," Rick said looking at their friends and then back to Kate, "I guess our plan worked."

"Plan?" Javier asked.

"Apparently," Lanie jumped in, "Instead of calling us yesterday when all of this happened, writer-boy decided to have some fun messing with us first."

"Hey, it wasn't just me! It took two!" Rick defended.

"It was your idea." Lanie shot back.

Rick looked at Kate, affronted. "You told her?"

"She guessed!" Kate said quickly, "I just…told her she was right. Besides…it _was_ your idea…"

"Yeah but you jumped on board right away!"

Kate just shrugged her shoulders, "Still wasn't my idea."

"Ok, it doesn't matter who's idea it was…it was still mean!" Ryan said, trying unsuccessfully to look hurt.

"Oh admit it, it was brilliant and hilarious," Rick laughed.

They all smiled, "Well, regardless…we are just really happy for you guys." Lanie said, "You guys are good for each other."

Kate and Rick smiled at each other and he took her hand, lacing his fingers with hers.

* * *

Later that night Alexis walked in to see Kate making dinner, "Kate! Hey!"

"Hey Kiddo!" Kate said smiling. She looked at her watch…it was after 6:00. "Why home so late?"

Alexis dropped her backpack and sat at one of the bar stools, stealing a piece of the cucumber Kate was cutting for the salad, "Oh, study group for math."

"Fun," Kate smiled, handing her another piece of cucumber. Alexis quickly ate it and Kate laughed, "Hungry?"

"Starving!" Alexis replied, "Whatcha making for dinner?"

"Stir fry and salad. That sound ok?"

"Sounds amazing! Where's dad?"

"Oh, Paula kind of hijacked him. She was waiting at the door when we got back here. They're in his office."

"Uh oh"

"What uh oh?"

"Paula and an impromptu meeting…never a good thing. Did she say what she wanted?"

"No, only that she needed to talk to your dad…"

"Well I guess we'll find out soon enough. So, you need any help."

"Sure, but don't you have homework?"

Alexis scrunched her nose, "Yes…" she answered reluctantly "Man, how do you do that?"

Kate shrugged, "Dunno," She laughed. "Why don't you sit here and work on it; then you can keep me company and I can help you if you need it." Alexis tried to hid it but she still got a shocked expression on her face, "Lex, what is it?"

Alexis shook off the shock. "Nothing, nothing," she said grabbing her backpack and getting out her science homework which she quickly began working on.

Kate sighed, having an idea of what it was. "Alexis, your mom never helped you with your homework did she?" Alexis just shook her head without looking up. Kate frowned and stopped cutting the veggies. She wiped her hands on the dishtowel and walked across the counter to sit on the barstool next to Alexis. Kate put a hand on her back, "Well, I'm here to help—with everything."

Alexis finally looked up from her homework and gave Kate a shy smile, "You any good at science?"

"Not one of my best subjects, but we can wrestle through it together."

"Ok," Alexis smiled. Kate squeezed her shoulder and got up to continue chopping the veggies.

"Did your mom help you with homework?"

Kate looked up and smiled at Alexis. Her smile got bigger as she realized what she was doing with Alexis was exactly what she would do with her mom, "You know what, she would. Every day after school we would sit in the kitchen just like this. I would sit at the kitchen counter and read out my questions to her while she cooked dinner; and she always gave me a little of whatever she was making to snack on," Kate laughed softly at the memory.

Alexis smiled as Kate put some veggies on a little plate and handed them to her. "Ok," she started after she took a bite of carrot stick, "first question…"

That's how Rick found them when he walked out of his office 30 minutes later. Paula quickly left and he made his way to the kitchen. He was officially in a bad mood now, but when he saw Kate at the stove, stir frying chicken and glancing over her shoulder at his daughter to help her with her homework, he smiled and his bad mood all but evaporated. He walked over to his daughter to give her a hug, "Hey pumpkin, how was your day?"

"Dad! It was good, but I should be asking you. Impromptu Paula?"

Castle waived her off, needing to figure some things out before he told his daughter what Paula wanted, "It was nothing big, just Paula being Paula." Alexis eyed him suspiciously but let it go and went back to her homework. He walked up behind Kate and kissed her cheek, "You didn't have to cook you know."

Kate shrugged, "I like cooking, when I have the time. It's almost done, wanna grab some plates?" Kate smiled as he kissed her cheek again. He then went about getting plates and silverware.

After they were done eating dinner Alexis announced she was going to go upstairs to finish homework and then read before bed. When they finished cleaning up Kate and Rick went and sat on the couch. When Rick wrapped his arms around her Kate leaned back into him and put her arms on top of his that were lying on her stomach, "I could get used to this," she said, so softly he could barely hear her.

"And that scares you, doesn't it?" he asked just as softly.

She sighed, "A…a little, yeah."

"Why?"

"Because I need you."

"But why is that a bad thing?" he asked gently.

"I…it's not. It's just if…it's when you lose someone you need that it's bad. I needed my mom and I lost her. I needed my dad and I lost him…and now I'm losing him again and…"

"Your never gonna lose me," he whispered in her ear, "Never." He held her tighter and she laced her fingers with his. He squeezed her hand, "And you aren't losing your dad Kate, he's getting help."

"That's what he said but…"

"You don't believe him?" He finished when she didn't continued. She just shrugged her shoulders. He sighed, "Have…have you thought about what he said?" He asked cautiously.

"Rick…"

"Have you?" he asked again.

"Its…I…"

"You aren't gonna back off are you?"

She sighed, "Can we please not talk about it tonight." She practically begged. "The last couple days have been a whirlwind and I…I really don't know what to do."

He nodded. Well, at least that meant she was going to think about it. Or, at least she hadn't decided she _wasn't_ letting it go. So, there was still the possibility. "Fair enough. I understand."

Kate breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank you." After they had sat there in silence for a few minutes she asked, "So, what did Paula want tonight?" She felt Rick stiffen. She turned around in his arms to look at him, "Rick?"

"She uh…she wants me to do some promotional work."

Kate gave him a confused look, "Ok…you always do that don't you? Why are you acting weird about it?"

He took a deep breath, "She wants me to do a book tour."

"Oh, ok…I mean a week or so won't be too bad Castle. It is your job and all…"

"A month Kate."

"A month?" she asked surprised.

He sighed, "She wants me to go for a month, says I haven't really been doing any publicity and I need to make up for it."

"Well…maybe you could schedule it in a couple months when Alexis is out of school, that way she can go with you and you could make a father-daughter…"

He interrupted her before she could finish, "She wants me to leave next week."

"What!?" she said shocked, "Next week! How can she expect you to leave for that long with such short notice?"

"That's Paula," he said dejectedly, "and she already has it all planned…I have to go."

Kate nodded. Sure, she was disappointed because she would miss him, but this was his job after all. She couldn't be upset that he had to do it. "Ok Rick, it'll be fine. It'll work out; it's just a month."

"I know its just…we just got together and I don't even get to have you for a week and I have to go across the country for a month. It's not fair! And then Alexis…I don't know what I'm going to do."

"What about Alexis? Won't Martha be here to stay with her?" Now that Kate asked it, she realized she hadn't seen Martha around. Where was she?

"Mother is gone on some traveling production of a play she's doing…she won't be back for two weeks."

"Oh…"

"Yeah. It's not like Alexis needs adult supervision, but I don't really like leaving her alone for that long…"

Kate nodded and then a thought came to her. Could she really be considering this? I mean, Alexis basically took care of herself…it's not like it would be any work. "You know what Rick, why don't I just stay here with her?"

"Seriously?"

She shrugged, "Yeah. Like you said, Alexis pretty much takes care of herself, and it won't be any problem. Besides, it'll be fun—we'll have some girl time."

Suddenly she found herself in a bone crushing hug, "You are incredible Kate, thank you."

Kate laughed, "It's really no big deal. I love being with her. Like I said, we'll have fun."

Rick pulled back from the hug and kissed her. "I love you," he said when they finally pulled back from the kiss.

Kate smiled, "I love you too. Why don't we go tell Alexis before she falls asleep reading."

Turns out they were just in time because when they walked in they found Alexis almost asleep in her book.

"Hey Lex, can we talk to you for a sec?" Rick asked softly as they went in and sat at the foot of her bed.

"Sure" Alexis said, sitting up a little and rubbing her tired eyes.

"Well, Paula did want something when she came here earlier." Rick started

"I knew it." Alexis said, "What does she want now?"

"She scheduled a book tour."

"Oh…ok. When do you leave?"

"Umm, next week."

"Next week? For how long?"

Kate and Rick looked at each other, then back at Alexis, "A month." He said hesitantly.

"Oh…ok, wow. Usually you schedule those over the summer when I can go with you. I don't know about missing a month of school dad…"

"I know pumpkin, and Paula did this all without talking to me about it first. But, now that she has it all planned out I kind of have to go…"

"Ok…well…I don't...do I have to go with you? What are we…"

"No you don't have to come. Kate is going to stay here with you until Grams gets back."

Alexis suddenly perked up. So much for being tired. "Really?" she shrieked. She threw back the covers and practically jumped on Kate giving her a big hug that almost knocked her over, "This is going to be so awesome!" Kate laughed as she hugged her and Rick had to put a hand on her back to keep her from falling over.

"Gee, so much for missing me! Be gone for a month but does my daughter care…nnnooooo…" Rick pouted. Alexis pulled back from Kate and rolled her eyes at her father. He turned to look at Kate, "I'm telling you! The eye-rolling—this is your fault Kate!"

Alexis and Kate laughed and Alexis hugged her dad, "Of course I'm going to miss you daddy."

"Good, cause I'll miss you. This is the first time you haven't gone with me."

Alexis pulled back and looked at Rick, "I know, but I'll be fine. Kate and I will have so much fun, and I promise I'll keep Grams in line after she gets back."

Both adults laughed at that, "I know you will pumpkin." Rick said.

"Oh Kate, this is gonna be so fun," Alexis said excitedly, "we can try out some new recipes, and make peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, and watch chic flics..."

Kate smiled at the girl's excitement, "It sounds great Alexis."

**And the verdict is...?**


	10. Chapter 10

**Ok so I'm sorry I haven't posted in a little while, but I promise I have a really good reason. I've been going back and forth with something. As I've said, I already have this story finished. Well, I've been considering adding more scenes to make it longer and I started writing some stuff...but after much deliberation I decided to keep the story I had. Everything I wrote just sounded forced if that makes sense. I can't write on a schedule. The only way it turns out good is if I have inspiration and it just comes to me. That is what happened with this story. This is so not where I planned on taking it when I started writing...but it just kind of happened...and I feel like sometimes that makes it better. Also, after the recent episode where she said Meredith not being there had never been a problem...I realize that Alexis wouldn't be upset like she was in the previous chapters and in this one...but hey-this is fiction right? I know it isn't perfect and there are always things I could add or take out or make better, but I'm happy with it how I had it...and I hope you like it too :). **

**Steph**

* * *

The first two weeks of Rick's book tour went by fast. Paula was keeping Rick busy with signings and readings and interviews but he and Kate talked every night. They had a few easy open and shut cases at the precinct and Kate had actually been getting home at a reasonable hour. She and Alexis got to hang out a lot—one night they made a new Mongolian Chicken recipe they found online and made their Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip cookies for dessert. Another night Alexis showed her how to make Eggplant Parmesan and Kate introduced her to an ice cream specialty that she had invented during her first year of college, which she called 'Ice Cream Surprise' (vanilla ice cream with crushed up oreos, chocolate syrup, and whipped cream). Kate had been able to duck out of work early a few times to go to some AA meetings with her dad and it seemed like he was doing well—he even came over to have dinner with her and Alexis one night. They hadn't talked more about Kate giving up the case and she was glad that he didn't ask because she still wasn't sure what to do. Nothing new had come up…so things were at a standstill…for the moment anyway. It was finally Friday and Kate and Alexis decided to stay up late and have their chic fic marathon and make brownies. In the middle of their night Alexis started feeling off, but assured Kate she was fine, not wanting to ruin their fun. They continued watching Sixteen Candles and when it was finally 1:00am they went to bed. 3 hours later Kate was startled awake by a loud crash. She heard noise coming from Alexis' room so she quickly got out of bed to check on her.

"Alexis?" she called walking into the girl's room. She saw the light on in the bathroom and when she entered it didn't take her long to discover the cause of the noise. Alexis was leaning over the toilet, white as a ghost, and looking like she was about to pass out and her curling iron and makeup were on the floor—she must have accidently dropped them when she was gripping the counter for balance when she was running to the toilet. "Alexis!" Kate ran to kneel next to her, "Alexis what's wrong?"

Alexis looked up at Kate and took a shaky breath, "Stomach. It really hurts and I can't stop throwing up."

Kate ran a hand over Alexis' forehead and cheek, pushing back her sweat soaked hair, and became alarmed at how hot she was, "Oh sweetie, you're pretty warm. How long have you been getting sick for?"

"Couple hours?"

"Alexis! Why didn't you come wake me?"

"I'm fine Kate, it's just probably just something I ate."

"Alexis we ate the exact same thing."

"Stomach bug then. I'll be fine."

Kate looked at her warily. Something told her this wasn't just a stomach bug but she couldn't quite put her finger on why, "Alexis where does your stomach hurt?" Alexis put her hand over her lower right abdomen. 'Shit' Kate thought. "Is it sharp pains?" Alexis just nodded. "Ok honey I think you may have appendicitis. We need to take you to the hospital."

"No!" Alexis said quickly, "No hospitals Kate, I'll be fine. Please. Just, help me lay back down and I'll sleep it off."

"Alexis…"

"Please Kate."

Kate sighed, "Ok, but if it keeps getting worse we're going." Alexis nodded and Kate grabbed an arm to help her up.

They barely made it to the door when Alexis gripped Kate's hand, "Wait!" she said and urgently turned around and rushed back to the toilet to throw up. Kate was by her side in a second and rubbed a hand up and down her back and held her ponytail back. When they finally made it to the bed Alexis scrunched up in a ball to try and ease the pain, but it wasn't working. Kate laid down beside her and tried to rub a soothing hand up and down her back, hoping she would fall asleep, but not 10 minutes later Alexis was running to the bathroom again.

After another 40 minutes Kate just knew this wasn't a stomach bug. When they finally laid back down she ran a hand over Alexis forehead to check her temperature, "Oh my God! Alexis! You're burning up! The pain is worse, you can't even keep water down, you're getting sick like every 10 minutes…we have to go to the hospital honey." Tears started falling down Alexis's cheeks, "Oh honey, it's gonna be fine."

Alexis shook her head, "I don't want to go to the…Ooowww owww!" Alexis cried scrunching up even more and gripping Kate's hand, "Kate it really really hurts."

"I know baby, that's why we have to go. If it is your appendix and it bursts that is really dangerous."

Alexis' eyes were full of fear as more tears fell, "Kate, I want my dad."

Kate's heart broke for her, "Oh baby, I know, but you're gonna be ok I promise. I'm here ok?" Alexis nodded and Kate squeezed her hand. "Ok, let's go. Where are your shoes?" Alexis pointed to her shoes and Kate quickly got them and put them on her before helping her downstairs. She slipped her shoes on that were by the door and quickly grabbed her keys and purse and they made their way to the hospital.

* * *

When they got to the hospital they were quickly taken back. The doctors did some tests and it didn't take long for them to pull the curtain back to give them the results, "Well Ms. Beckett, it looks like your suspicious were correct. It's a good thing you brought her in when you did, it is appendicitis." Kate gripped Alexis' hand, "Fortunately," the doctor continued, "you brought her in before it burst so we'll do surgery right away and you'll be just fine Alexis."

"Right away?" Alexis asked, "But I mean, we can wait for my dad right. We have to call him, he can be here by this afternoon…"

"I'm sorry Alexis," the doctor said regretfully, "But if we wait, your appendix might burst and that lends to a lot of dangerous complications."

"But it's just until this afternoon," Alexis begged and then turned to Kate with tears in her eyes, "Kate please! I can't…I want my dad."

"Oh sweetheart, I know you do." She said stroking her cheek, "but it's too risky to wait Alexis. We'll call him before and you can talk to him ok?"

"Kate…no…"

"Honey we don't have a choice."

Alexis gripped the bed sheets in frustration. Kate sighed and moved from her chair to sit next to Alexis on the bed and bring her into a hug. Alexis started crying more, "I want my dad Kate. I don't want to have surgery without him here. I can't…I want my dad."

The doctor looked at them, "I'll give you guys a minute and go get everything ready ok." Kate nodded as she held Alexis as tight as she could.

After the doctor left Alexis whispered, "I'm scared Kate."

Kate pulled back to look at her, "It's ok to be scared sweetie, but I'm here. I'll walk to the OR with you and I'll be right there when you wake up ok."

"You promise you won't leave?"

"There is nowhere else I would be right now Alexis. Why don't we call your dad ok?" Alexis nodded and Kate reached in her pocket for her cell phone. It was only 5:45am, she knew she would wake him up, but she knew he wouldn't want her to wait. She quickly dialed, still keeping an arm around Alexis.

"Hello" Rick answered groggily.

"Rick…"

"Kate?" He asked confused.

"Yeah, it's me."

She heard him sit up, "What's the matter? Is everything ok?" he said quickly…seemingly more awake.

"We are both ok I promise, but I am at the hospital with Alexis…"

"What?! The hospital?! What happened? Is she ok?" he rushed.

"She is going to be just fine Rick I promise, she has appendicitis."

"Oh my…when did this happen? She has to have surgery right? I don't…I'll get there as fast as I can but…"

"Rick slow down ok. She's fine. She woke up a couple hours ago throwing up and in a lot of pain. It kept getting worse so we came here. They are going to do the surgery right away. Thankfully it hasn't burst yet."

"But I can't be there. God I…"

"I know, Rick, I know. But I'm here, and she'll be fine. She wants to wait for you but…"

"I know, they can't wait, and I don't want them to its too dangerous but…God Kate it's my baby. I want to be there I can't believe...can I talk to her?"

"Of course" she said and gave the phone to Alexis.

"Daddy?"

"Hey pumpkin. How you holding up?"

"Kate's been great. She's taking really good care of me but…but I want you here daddy."

"I wish I was there Alexis and I'm so sorry I'm not. But I am packing up my stuff as we speak and as soon as we hang up I'm getting the first flight there ok. I'll be there in no time."

Alexis let out a shaky breath, "Ok…"

"You're going to be fine Alexis, I promise. This is so routine…all you have to worry about is what kind of ice cream you are going to want."

Alexis gave a small laugh, "Ok dad."

"I love you so much Alexis."

"I love you to dad. And your hurrying?"

"I'm already almost packed pumpkin."

"Ok."

"I'll see you soon Lex."

"Ok bye."

She handed the phone back to Kate, "Hey," she said softly.

"Kate thanks for taking care of my little girl."

"You did not just seriously thank me for this..."

"Right, right, sorry. I just…I'll be there as soon as I can. I'm almost all packed up and then I'll call and get the first flight they have out of here. I'll text you as soon as I have the flight info."

"Ok. And I will text you with constant updates, I promise. She'll be fine Rick; I'll take good care of her."

"I know." Rick said softly, "I know…and there is no one else besides me I'd rather be there with her."

"You go get a flight, I'll text you soon ok?"

"Ok, talk to you soon."

"Ok."

"Oh and Kate?" he said quickly before she could hang up.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"Oh Rick...I love you too."

"I'll see you soon."

"Ok see you soon, bye."

"Bye Kate."

Kate hung up the phone and looked at Alexis who had her eyes closed. She ran a hand over her forehead, "Is the pain better with the medicine?" Kate asked softly.

Alexis nodded her head, "Yeah a little. I'm so tired though." She murmured without opening her eyes.

Kate smiled softly, "Just rest honey, I'm not going anywhere."

20 minutes later the doctor came in and Alexis slowly opened her eyes hearing the curtain open. Alexis, we're gonna go ahead and start prepping you for surgery ok?"

Alexis nodded hesitantly, "Kate can stay with me right?"

The doctor smiled, "Of course. She can stay with you until we wheel you through the OR. She can even walk with us to the OR if you want."

"Ok good." Alexis sighed, relieved.

The doctors prepped Alexis for surgery and 30 minutes later they were wheeling her to the OR. Kate was walking beside them holding Alexis' hand. Alexis looked up at her, "I feel kinda loopy."

Kate smiled, "That's normal with what they gave you honey."

"Ok." the doctor said as they reached the OR doors, "this is where we have to say goodbye Alexis."

Kate leaned down and gave Alexis a kiss on the forehead, "I'll see you soon sweetie. I'll be there when you wake up."

"Promise?"

"I promise. Just relax; everything is going to be fine. I love you."

"I love you too Kate. You'll talk to dad?"

Kate nodded, "And he'll be here before you know it."

"Ok. Love you." Alexis said again.

Kate gave her another kiss on the forehead, "I love you baby." Kate nodded at the doctor and with one more squeeze of Alexis' hand they wheeled her into the OR. Kate took out her phone, texting Rick while she walked to the waiting room,

'**She just went back into surgery, they said it should be about an hour or so. Know when your flight will be?'**

Not even five seconds after she sent the text her phone buzzed; Rick calling. She quickly answered, "She's doing ok, I promise. And they said they would come out and let me know as soon as they were done."

She heard him sigh in relief, "Thank you. I'm actually on my way to the airport now. I couldn't get a flight out until 9:30, which would put me there around 1:00 with the time change and everything…but I'm gonna go wait, maybe there will be something earlier, you never know."

"Yeah. I can't imagine how hard this is Rick but I promise I'm not going to leave her side. And the surgeon is great—he has 20 years of experience, he went to Harvard Med of all places, and he has a great record."

"How do you…" Rick asked confused then it dawned on him, "You called the precinct and had them do a background didn't you ?"

"I…well, he…"

"Kate…"

"Ok, I did but come on Rick—he's going to be cutting her open and it's Alexis and I…I had to make sure he was ok!" Kate defended.

Rick laughed, "I love you Kate."

"Yeah yeah," she mumbled as she sat in one of the chairs, "You think I'm crazy don't you?"

His voice turned serious, "No, I think that is the sweetest thing…I love you."

Kate smiled, "I love you too."

After a few moments of silence Rick spoke up, "Kate, when she…when she said she wanted me there I just, that broke my heart."

Kate sighed, "Mine too. I just feel so helpless Rick. I mean, I'm trying to convince her everything is ok but then she has tears in her eyes and says she just wants her dad and I couldn't give her that and I promised her I'm here and I'm not leaving but it's hard when you have a kid saying they want their dad because nothing can make that better and I can be here but I'm not you and she wants you and…"

Rick could tell she was getting worked up now. She had been strong for Alexis but she was worried about her too, and she had no one else there to talk to, "Hey Kate, its ok. Calm down."

She took a deep breath, "I was just so worried about her Rick. I know she'll be fine and it's just appendicitis but she was in so much pain and she was practically passed out when I found her and then she didn't want to come to the hospital because you weren't with her and I just…"

"Your right Kate," he interrupted, trying to calm her down, "she is going to be fine. And you got her there before anything bad could happen. And you're not me but she loves you, having you there will be enough for her." When she didn't respond Rick asked, "Are you ok?"

Kate let out a small laugh, "I'm supposed to be asking you that. You're the one that's half way across the country when his daughter is having surgery."

"But you're there all alone when she is having surgery."

"Yeah, but she's not my daughter..."

"But she wishes she was" He said quietly, remembering what Alexis had said that night Kate was comforting her and he was eavesdropping.

"I do to." She said and then slapped her hand to her forehead. She said that without thinking! It was the first thing that came to mind and even though it was true she shouldn't have said it. Alexis had a mother. Well, she had a Meredith who was technically her mother, although she didn't act like it-but it was still wrong for her to wish that. She had a mother…she did. She shouldn't have said it, "Oh my…Rick I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…"

"I take it back," he said softly.

"I…what?"

"_That _is the sweetest thing..."

"But I shouldn't…she…"

"Did you not mean it?"

"What! No! Of course not. I…God, I love her so much Rick you know that and I can't imagine loving my own kids any more than I love her it's just…"

He smiled. Yes, that was definitely the sweetest thing…. "Then what's the problem?"

"I'm not…I'm not her mom Rick. I can't just say things like that…Meredith is her mother.

"But she wants Meredith to be more like _you_."

"I…but…"

"Kate, do you remember what she said that night?"

"Yes." Did she remember? Was he kidding…that was the most wonderful thing anyone had said to her…of course she remembered.

"She wants _you. _And after everything that Meredith has done, I want her to have you too."

"Oh Rick I…" What were you supposed to say to that? A million things ran through her mind. "I...it...you know this would make Meredith so furious."

"Good," he replied without missing a beat.

"Rick!" she laughed, but sobered quickly. He wanted her to be a mother to his daughter—wow. "She has me, Rick." She continued softly.

"And I do too, right?" he asked seductively, and she could just hear his smirk over the phone.

"Really? Wow…way to ruin the moment." she said, trying to sound mad but failing as she could hardly stop from laughing. He knew she wasn't mad, this was quickly turning into emotional overload and she needed a little humor, "But just for the record…yes. You most definitely have me. You both do."

He smiled, "I'll give you whatever you want if you say that in front of Meredith." He said excitedly

"Richard!" she laughed again.

"A pony? Ohh…I'll sign all your books! Or what about a home gym?"

"As much as the thought of making Meredith jealous entices me after everything she's done…it might be good if the woman didn't absolutely hate me…at least any more than she already does."

"Kill joy" he muttered.

She laughed again, "Yes, being adult and mature is just so tough."

"You're tellin me." he mumbled and they both laughed. "You ok now." He asked gently after a few moments.

She smiled, "I'm ok. You?"

He sighed, "Yeah. Just anxious to get back. We just pulled up to the airport, text me as soon as they tell you anything."

"You know I will. Let me know if you get an earlier flight."

"Will do. Thanks again." He said sincerely.

"Anytime."

He smiled, "I can't wait to see you. I miss you."

She sighed, "I miss you too. I'll see you soon."

"I love you Kate."

"I love you too." They hung up and she smiled. The 'I love yous' came so easy now that she couldn't help wondering why it was so difficult to say in the first place. She went down to the cafeteria to get a cup of coffee then went back up to the lounge to wait. She sent a text to Javier letting him know what was going and then sent a text to Lanie, saying the same thing, and asking if she could swing by her place and grab her some clothes because she had since realized they rushed out and she was still in pajamas.

* * *

It seemed like forever but an hour later the doctor came out. She quickly jumped up to meet him and he met her with a reassuring smile, "Everything went just fine Ms. Beckett. We got her appendix out before it burst and there were no complications."

Kate let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. It was a routine procedure, she knew that…but it was Alexis. "Thank you so much. When can I see her?"

"Right now. She probably won't wake for another 30-45 minutes but you can sit with her in recovery if you like."

Kate quickly nodded and the doctor led her to Alexis' bed in recovery. When she saw her she smiled—she looked so much better already. They had been giving her fluids so she was less pale, and her face wasn't etched with pain. She turned to the doctor, "She looks so much better."

The doctor nodded, "It's amazing how people perk up once they get an IV. She was severely dehydrated when she came in…so that has made a world of difference right there. I assure you, she is going to be just fine."

Kate's smile got bigger, "Thank you so much Dr. Jones." He smiled and nodded his head before quietly exiting the room. Kate sat in the chair and kissed Alexis' cheek, "Hear that baby, everything went great and you are going to be just fine." She took out her phone to text Rick,

'**She's out and in recovery. Everything went perfectly. Still asleep-should wake in about 45 min. She looks so much better.'**

She immediately received a reply,

'**Thank you so much. Text me when she wakes up. Got an earlier flight, boarding now and be there around noon-layover in Chicago. Give her a kiss for me.'**

Kate smiled and leaned down to kiss Alexis' forehead, then text Rick back,

'**Will do. That's great-keep us updated. And just did.'**

'**I will and thanks. Love you.'**

'**You too'**

She put her phone back in her pocket and brushed Alexis' hair back from her forehead, "Your dad will be here soon, and boy is he anxious to see you."

40 minutes later Alexis started to stir. Kate quickly shut the magazine she was reading and grabbed Alexis' hand, "Lex…sweetie can you hear me?"

Alexis slowly opened her eyes, "Kate. Is it over?" she asked groggily.

Kate smiled, "Yeah baby it's over. It's over and everything went perfectly. How are you feeling?"

"Ok. My stomach doesn't hurt anymore and I'm not nauseous." Alexis said, obviously relieved.

"That's great Alexis." Kate said as a nurse walked over to them, seeing she was awake.

"Hi Alexis, how do you feel?"

"I feel ok. I'm not nauseous anymore and my side feels a lot better. I'm just sleepy."

The nurse smiled, "Good, good. And that's normal. You can rest if you want. I'm gonna go get the doctor and we'll get you moved to a room ok?"Alexis nodded closing her eyes.

"Thank you" Kate said to the nurse as she took out her phone to text Rick,

'**Lex woke up feeling good. Resting again.'**

"Are you texting dad?" Alexis asked tiredly.

"Yeah I am, he just wanted to know when you woke up."

Alexis nodded and closed her eyes again, "Tell him I'm ok and that I love him and can't wait for him to get here."

"Ok I will." Kate said, sending Rick another text,

'**She told me to tell you she's ok, she loves you, and can't wait for you to get here.'**

30 minutes later Alexis was settled in her own room and had been examined by the doctor. He assured Kate she was doing fine and left so Alexis could sleep.

Alexis woke up an hour later and saw Kate reading, "Kate."

Kate looked over the book and smiled at her, "Hey kid. How you feeling?"

Alexis smiled, "Ok actually. I feel a little sore but I guess what they are giving me is working because the pain isn't to to bad."

"Good," Kate said relieved.

"Yeah, and not having to throw up every five minutes is pretty nice."

Kate gave a soft laugh, "I'll bet." She said and brushed her hair back from Alexis' forehead, "And your fever is down." She said happily.

"Thanks for staying Kate."

"Alexis you couldn't get rid of me right now if you tried."

"Do you know when dad is gonna be here?"

"Yeah around noon. He hasn't text me back yet so I'm guessing he's in the air; he has a layover in Chicago."

"What time is it?"

Kate looked at her watch, "10:00"

"Still a few hours away." Alexis sighed.

Kate looked at Alexis' disappointed face. She hoped what she had to distract her would cheer her up. She smiled as she reached and grabbed the bag next to her, "Yes, but…until then I put together a hospital survival kit…"Alexis eyed her suspiciously and she began pulling out the objects one by one and setting them on the bed beside Alexis, "We have…cards-regular cards, UNO, SkipBo, Phase 10…we also have Mad Libs, word searches, crossword puzzles, and Sudoku. And…." Kate continued grabbing another bag from under her chair, "travel size monopoly, checkers, chess, and my personal favorite, connect four. And for when the doctor says it's ok" Kate went on, "a variety of Gatorades for you to choose from."

By the time Kate was done Alexis had the biggest smile on her face, "Kate this is…how did…?"

Kate shrugged, "I went down and raided the gift shop when you were sleeping; figured we'd need something to entertain ourselves until your dad got here." Truthfully, she knew Alexis would need a distraction, but entertainment was still kosher.

"This is so awesome Kate! Can I have a Gatorade?"

"We'll have to ask the doctor when he comes in ok? I'm not sure yet."

Alexis frowned but shook her head in understanding. Man, she really wanted that fruit punch Gatorade, "So…what game first?" she asked Kate.

"That's up to you."

"Can we work on some crosswords?"

Kate smiled and nodded, grabbing the book and a pen.

30 minutes later the doctor walked in when they were laughing.

"I told you that was right!" Kate said proudly.

"Oh you so didn't know that! It was a guess and you're just happy it fit!" Alexis quipped back before they both started laughing again.

"I like the sound in here," the doctor said to announce himself, smiling at the pair, "How are you feeling Alexis?"

"Can I have a Gatorade?" Alexis asked immediately, to the amusement of both adults who laughed.

"Tell you what, why don't I have a look at everything and then we'll see ok. So, I guess you're feeling ok?" He asked, looking through Alexis' chart.

Alexis nodded, "Yeah. I mean, I feel it and I'm a little sore but it's nothing unbearable so whatever pain medicine you're giving me is working. And I'm not nauseous anymore so that's really nice."

The doctor nodded while beginning his exam, "That's great Alexis."

10 minutes later when he completed his exam he smiled at Alexis, "You still want that Gatorade?"

"Really?" Alexis asked excitedly. The doctor nodded and Alexis eagerly held her hand out to Kate, "The fruit punch please!" Kate laughed and grabbed the fruit punch Gatorade from the bag and opened it before handing it to Alexis.

"Now, take it easy. I know it'll be hard but try not to chug it ok? Small sips." Alexis nodded at the doctor and took a few sips of the Gatorade, "Ok, now everything looks good. When is your dad getting here?"

Alexis looked at Kate and Kate looked at her watch before responding, "A couple hours."

The doctor nodded, "Ok, the nurses are going to be in and out keeping an eye on you but I'll come by when he's here to talk to y'all about when you can go home and all of that fun stuff."

"Please tell me that's tonight"

The doctor let out a slight laugh, "Not quite Alexis, but there weren't any complications so you won't have to stay to long, I promise."

Alexis nodded and they said there goodbye's and Kate and Alexis went back to their crossword.

30 minutes later they had switched to Uno when Kate's phone buzzed in her pocket; a text from Rick,

'**Thank God. Is she awake now? How is she feeling? In Chicago on layover.'**

Kate smiled, "Your dads in Chicago."

Alexis' face lit up, "Can I call him?"

"Course," Kate nodded and pressed the speed dial to call Ricks number then quickly handed the phone to Alexis.

"Kate hey. How is she feeling?"

"I'm fine daddy." Alexis said smiling, obviously happy to talk to her dad.

"Hey pumpkin! I'm so glad to talk to you! You're feeling ok?"

"Yes so much better. My side isn't throbbing anymore and the pain medicine they are giving me is great. I'm sore and I feel it but it isn't really bad. The doctor was here about half an hour ago and said things were fine, and I haven't thrown up and I'm not nauseous so that is a relief. I got to have Gatorade; Kate got me a ton. Oh, and she got a ton of games dad! She got card games and word searches and stuff and travel games—we're playing Uno now."

Rick smiled and chuckled at his daughter's excitement. Kate really was extraordinary. He couldn't believe she did that. Well, ok, he could…but still, it was amazing, "That sounds awesome Alexis. I'm so glad to hear that. I'm really sorry I'm not there."

"Me too, but I'm ok dad, really. Kate has been keeping me occupied. When do you get here, though?"

"Looks like I'll be there around 12:30 so I'll be there soon"

"Ok, I can't wait to see you daddy."

"Me too sweetheart, me too. And when you get home we will have Star Wars and Harry Potter marathons galore, with your choice of ice cream."

"That sounds great dad. Kate too?"

"She's always welcome pumpkin. She knows that, so of course she can. But, you'd have to check with her. I don't know if she has to work. Since I'm not there I don't know what cases are going on really, but I'm sure she'd love to." Rick said.

"Yeah…I…well never… maybe, we'll see…" Alexis said hesitantly. Kate was eyeing Alexis curiously but Alexis quickly changed topics, asking her dad about his latest book tour adventure.

A few minutes later he regretfully said he had to board and asked if he could say a quick goodbye to Kate. Alexis handed Kate the phone, "Hey Rick."

"Kate, hey. She sounds great."

"Yeah she looks so much better. She isn't as pale and she's laughing," Kate said, smiling at Alexis. "Her fever is down too."

"That's great. We're about to board but I just wanted to say a quick hi. I'll take a cab to the hospital, what room number are you guys in?"

"325"

"Ok, I'll see you guys in a couple hours."

"We can't wait."

"Me neither. Love you guys."

"We love you too, Rick. Bye."

"Bye."

When she hung up the phone she looked at Alexis, "Ok Lex, what was 'Kate too?'"

"Nothing, let's play." Her dad was probably right, but she still didn't want to ask Kate. She wasn't afraid she just…ok well maybe she was. She just didn't know if she should ask something like that...Kate had done enough.

"No Lex, what was it?"

"Kate, it was…never mind. You're losing and I am going to take you down—let's finish this game so I can beat you already."

Kate eyed her again and then sighed. She'd get it out of Rick later but for now, she just needed to distract Alexis. "Ok kid, you're on. Get ready to lose."

* * *

2 hours later Rick came running through the door and Alexis dropped her cards, "Daddy!" she practically screamed and Rick ran over to hug his daughter and smother her with kisses as he whispered comforting words to her. Kate smiled at the two of them and admired the scene for a moment before deciding to give them some time alone. She snuck out quietly and went to the cafeteria to get two cups of coffee since she was sure Rick needed one too. She took her time and 10 minutes later walked through the door to find Alexis asleep, Rick holding her hand. He smiled at her and got up, motioning her outside. She nodded and set the coffees down before they walked outside, quietly shutting the door behind them.

As soon as the door shut Rick wrapped her in a tight hug, "God, it's good to see you." He sighed.

She took a deep breath and hugged him back as tight as she could, "You too. I really missed you." She said softly

He pulled back to look at her, "I missed you too." He said before quickly bringing her in for a kiss. When they broke apart he smiled and rested his forehead against hers, "Hi" he said.

"Hi yourself" she laughed, "Welcome back."

"It's good to be back." He said and he took her hand and led her to the chairs at the end of the hallway.

"I figured she would pass out soon. She's been fighting it for the last 20 minutes—wanted to see you before she fell asleep again."

He shook his head, chuckling at his daughter. "Yeah she didn't last long. Kate, I know I said this but thank you so much for taking care of her and distracting her when I was gone and getting her Gatorade and games and just…everything. You're just…amazing."

"Again…you are very welcome. It was no problem." She smiled, "but I'm really glad you're here."

She added the last part quietly and he brought her into another hug, "Me too." They stayed like that for a few minutes, just holding each other, until Rick spoke up, "I have to call Meredith and tell her," he sighed.

"Oh Rick, I'm sorry. I didn't think, I should have called her! I'm so sorry I…"

"Hey," he said pulling back to look at her, "You had more important things to do, like looking after my daughter."

"I know…but I still should have thought to call her, I just…"

"I don't really want to talk to her either," Rick finished for her, "But it's her daughter and she has a right to know."

Kate nodded in agreement, "Is she gonna want to come out here?"

Rick shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know. I don't want to see her but I am hoping she will for Alexis you know? I mean, her kid just had surgery, she should come see her."

Kate sighed, "Is Alexis going to be upset if she doesn't come?"

"I really don't know," Rick sighed as well, "I would like to say no because she knows to expect that stuff from Meredith, and I think that helps but I…it still…your mom not coming after you have surgery? I, I think that will be upsetting even if you expect it."

"Yeah…God Rick I wish, I wish I could fix that for her."

He took her hand, "You do. You do fix it for her. You fix it by being there for her when Meredith isn't. Like today, like a few weeks ago." Kate shook her head and Rick tugged on her hand, "You do Kate, you make it better. You help her more than you know."

"And yet she still won't talk to me." Kate sighed.

"What?"

"Earlier…when you were talking to Alexis, she said something and then 'and Kate too?' I asked her what that was and she wouldn't tell me. I know it's something but she just insisted it was nothing and I didn't want to push it because well, you know, she just had surgery. But she wouldn't tell me what it was."

Ricks turn to sigh again, "We were talking about a movie day."

"A movie day?"

"Yeah. I told her as soon as I got her home we would camp out and have a Star Wars and Harry Potter movie marathon with all the ice cream she could eat and, she asked 'Kate too?' She wants you there and I told her I was sure you would love to but she'd have to ask you because I wasn't sure about work and stuff and then she kind of got weird and then got me on stories from the tour."

"Why wouldn't she ask me?" Kate said in disbelief, "She knows she can ask me anything why…why wouldn't she?" Rick looked away from her and got fidgety, "Rick, come on. Why wouldn't she just ask me that. She knows I would say yes right?"

"I…I don't…she just…" Rick stuttered.

"You know Rick. I know you know. What is it? Is it something I said? I thought I made it clear she could…"

"No, no Kate it's, it's not you at all."

"Then what? Rick please just tell me." She said grabbing his hands.

"It's my fault, I…I mentioned work." Kate looked at him confused so he continued, "I told her you would love to but she'd have to ask you because I didn't know your work schedule since I wasn't there…"

"Yeah…" Kate said slowly, obviously still not understanding what the problem was.

"Kate, Meredith has ALWAYS put work above Alexis. If she had a role, that was the most important thing—she didn't care what she missed with Alexis, work was more important."

"So," Kate continued for him, "When you mentioned work Alexis assumed that would come first and I wouldn't take a day to be with her? She thought I might say no." Rick nodded, "Oh Rick I…that is just…no. That is so wrong I…"

"I know," Rick smiled

"But Alexis doesn't." he nodded again, "But I mean…I'm here today. Doesn't that make her realize…"

"Kate, she was in so much pain this morning then she had surgery and then you did a really good job of distracting her." Kate smiled and he continued, "She wasn't thinking it was a weekday."

Kate nodded, "Ok yeah, that makes sense."

"And…when she does realize you missed work, she is going to think you already missed a day and you probably wouldn't miss anymore. Then she really wouldn't want to ask you to take another day just to watch movies with us."

Kate's jaw dropped, "What? But I…I have…days…vacation. I can…God I have to tell her I can stay as long as she wants me to. I don't care how many…"

"Kate," he stopped her, "She has to do it on her own."

"But she…"

"I know, and it kills me too Kate but she would really kill me if she knew I told you this. We can hint that you would like to spend a day with us, I'll say something about our marathon movie day and you can say 'oh that sounds great I would love to do that' or something. Hopefully…that would tell her you would say yes and she'll ask you."

Kate let out a heavy sigh, "I really really do not like Meredith right now."

Rick chuckled, "Oh me neither."

"I just…how can someone do that to their kid?"

"I don't know" Rick said softly.

"Because your right, she isn't going to come, and even though Alexis won't expect her to its still going to hurt her but she'll try to hide it and say she doesn't care and I just want to tell Meredith that she…"

"I know it makes me mad too Kate."

Kate looked in his eyes and saw the strain of the day, and this conversation, "I'm sorry Rick I shouldn't…you know this and I'm…"

"You have no idea how much this means to me." he interrupted.

"How much what means to you?"

"How much you care about my kid. Do you have any idea how much it means to me that you care about her so much that the thought of somebody hurting her hurts you? That you're willing to fight for her and stand up for her…even if it is against her own mother. It…that means the world to me Kate."

"I…"

"It kills me that Meredith does this to her…"

"Rick..."

"But," he continued, "Seeing how much you care about her? You have no idea..."

Kate tugged on the hand he was still holding and put her other hand behind his head, bringing him to her gently for a kiss. "I love you both," Kate said when they broke apart, "I love you both so much."

"We love you too," he said before kissing her again.

When he pulled back he sighed, "I better go call Meredith."

Kate nodded, "I'll go sit with Lex."

"Thank you."

They walked to the room and quietly entered. Rick gave his daughter a kiss on the forehead and grabbed the coffee Kate had got, and then went out to call Meredith. Kate got her coffee and sat in the chair next to the bed, grabbing the Sudoku. 15 minutes later Rick walked in and had to suppress a laugh at Kate, lip between her teeth in concentration; she didn't even notice him walking in she was concentrating so much. He walked up and put a gentle hand on her shoulder, "Hey" he whispered.

She turned and gave him a smile, "Hey." She whispered back.

"She's out." he gestured toward his daughter.

"Hasn't moved. Poor kid's gotta be exhausted, I don't think she was asleep an hour before she started getting sick." He nodded and pulled another chair to sit next to her. Kate looked at him expectantly, "And?" she asked softly. He just shook his head and sadly looked at his daughter. Kate took his hand, "Oh Rick, I…I'm so sorry."

"It's just…I expect it but it still surprises me how she can do this to her." Kate squeezed his hand, "She said they were in the middle of shooting and she couldn't leave but she would TRY to call. TRY to call? What is that? Her daughter has surgery and she can't even say she'll call her? And Alexis is going to ask about her mom and I have to tell her she's too busy working?"

Kate sighed and ran her other hand up and down his arm to comfort him. Next time she talked to Meredith the woman so had it coming, "But she has you," she reassured, "She'll be fine because she has you."

"And you." He said finally looking up at her.

Kate smiled and squeezed his arm, "and me." She agreed.

Rick sighed and looked at his daughter, "I'm just…I know she's mad at Meredith right now but she is still going to want her here after this. I mean, it's her mom."

"I know" she responded sadly, taking the hand she was holding and threading her fingers through his.

He looked back at her, "Any chance you think she won't ask?"

"I…" Kate didn't know what to say. She wanted to say yes, of course there is. She probably won't ask. She won't care that her mother isn't gonna be here…but that wasn't the truth. She sighed and ran her other hand over his cheek, "I don't know, Rick. Maybe? She was furious with her but like you said, it…it's still her mom."

"Well I can hope right?" he asked, although she could hear the disbelief in his voice.

"Yeah Rick you… we can hope." He nodded, not looking away from his daughter. He just looked at her with so much sadness and regret. She wanted to fix it, she…she had to do something. "Hey," she said tugging on his hand until he looked at her. She stood up and sat down on his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. "It's going to be ok you know. She'll be ok." He just wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her tighter and not saying a word. She rested her head on top of his and held him close, trying to comfort him.

They stayed like that until they heard shuffling from Alexis' bed 10 minutes later. Kate quickly stood up and sat back down in her chair right before Alexis opened her eyes. "Dad!" she exclaimed, obviously still excited Rick was there, even though she'd already seen him.

Rick smiled and took her hand, "Hey pumpkin, have a nice little snooze?"

Alexis nodded, "Yeah." She looked over at Kate, "Kate, your still here?"

Kate looked at Rick then back at Alexis, "Of course, honey. Where else would I be? I said I'd be staying."

"Yeah but dad's here now, I figured you would have to go to work."

"I have plenty of vacation time Alexis, I might as well use it right?"

"Yeah but I'm sure you're busy and have a lot to do and…"

"Alexis" she interrupted, "I'm never too busy for you, do you understand me."

"I…that's…thanks Kate. I…I'm really glad you're here."

Kate smiled and brushed some hair back from Alexis forehead, "I'm here for as long as you want me to be."

"Thank you." Alexis smiled, "speaking of…" she looked at her father, "I know you're mad at mom dad, and I am too but would…would it be ok if she came to visit? I just kinda wanted…" Alexis stopped when she saw the look on her father's face. Rick gave Kate a heartbreaking look that clearly said 'what do I do?' Kate sighed and looked between him and Alexis. He turned back to his daughter and opened his mouth to speak but quickly closed it. He didn't know what to say, and he didn't want to do this. Turns out, Alexis knew him to well and said it for him, "You already talked to her didn't you?" Alexis asked and he just nodded, "And you…she's busy working isn't she? Can I at least talk to her?"

"I…Alexis she…" he started but she stopped him again.

"She said she would 'try and call' right?"

"Well. I…Sweetheart I'm…"

"Don't dad." She said quickly, leaning back against the pillows, staring straight ahead at the white wall, "just don't, please. Don't say you're sorry."

Rick looked at Kate, giving her a 'help me' look. She sighed, laying a hand on Alexis' shoulder, "Sweetie, I…"

"Kate! I said don't." Alexis said. Although she said it quietly, Kate could hear the bite behind it, "I'm just going to sleep ok. I'm really tired." Alexis said, still staring at the wall.

Rick stuttered, "I…Lex…"

Alexis finally turned to her father and he and Kate could tell she was fighting tears, "Daddy please. Can I…could you guys leave, just for a little bit, so I could sleep?"

Rick sighed, "Ok pumpkin, we'll let you sleep." He said. Both he and Kate stood up and they each gave her a kiss on the forehead, "We love you Alexis."

"Love you guys too," Alexis sighed. "Dad?" she said quickly as he reached for the doorknob.

He dropped his hand and turned around, "Yeah, Lex?"

"Just…just don't go too far ok?"

Rick smiled, "We'll be right down the hall in the lounge if you need us sweetie." Alexis nodded and rolled onto her good side, away from them.

As soon as they shut the door and started walking down the hall Kate went off, "Rick since this started she hasn't wanted me to leave her and all she kept asking about was when you would get here and that she wanted her dad. And now you're here and she just wants us to leave her alone!? And you agreed? She obviously wasn't going to sleep; the kid was almost in tears. We should go talk to her." She said.

She turned around to start walking back to the room but Rick grabbed her hand to stop her, "Kate, wait." Kate turned to him with a questioning look and he sighed, "she needs some time and you know better than anyone that it isn't good to push people."

"Yeah but I also know that sometimes people need that push." She said quietly. She was infinitely glad Rick pushed to help her, although that isn't always how she felt at the time, and damn it if she wasn't going to do the same to make sure Alexis was ok.

Rick squeezed her hand, knowing she was talking about her, "Your right," he said gently, "but sometimes it's a good idea to give people a little space before you do the pushing…" He saw her struggling, her need to take care of his daughter over what she knew was right, "You know I'm right Kate. If we push her right now without giving her some time she would just get more angry and upset. She just needs a little time. Then we'll go check on her."

Kate let out a deep breath, "Your right. I know your right I just…God, did you see her face Rick? It just…I'm so sorry."

He pulled her into a hug, "I am too." After they stood there for a minute he pulled back, "Come on, let's go sit down."

They walked down to the lounge at the end of the hall and once they were seated Rick took Kate's hand, "I hate this Kate." She didn't say anything because, what could you say? Nothing she would say could make this better. She just squeezed his hand. "I hate it," he continued, "and I hate that I'm the one that has to do it to her and see her hurt and upset when Meredith just has no clue. I mean, I don't know what to do anymore Kate. I try and tell her she's hurting her daughter and that Alexis needs her mother but it's like no matter how many times I try to tell her it just goes in one ear and out the other and I don't know what to do. I'm her dad, I'm supposed to be able to make everything better. I'm supposed to be able to fix everything for her but I…I can't fix this."

"Want me to sick the boys on her?" Rick gave a small smile so Kate continued, "I'm serious! They find out Meredith's not treating Alexis right she is doomed. You know how they are when it comes to Alexis; they'll go all big brother on her ass." Rick let out a slight laugh and Kate smiled. Good, a laugh—that's what she was going for. Before she could say more her phone buzzed…speak of the devil, "Espo," she told Rick before he could ask, then answered her phone.

"Hey Javi,"

"Hey boss, how's little castle doing?"

Rick motioned to Kate that he was going to the vending machines. She nodded as she answered Esposito, "The surgery went well and there were no complications."

"That's great. Did your boy make it back yet?"

"Yeah he's back."

"I'm glad. Is the deep fried twinkie there?"

"Uh…no she, she's working and can't make it." Kate said sadly, looking at Rick down the hall who was putting money in the machine.

"What! Her kid has surgery and she's too busy?" Espo asked in disbelief.

"I know….she said she would try and call."

"Try and…what is she kidding me? Try and call?"

"I know…"Kate repeated. It was adorable how protective they were of Alexis.

"Is…is Lex ok?"

"No" Kate answered honestly, "Not really…"

She heard Javier sigh on the other end of the phone, "That woman is asking for it."

Kate let out a light chuckle, "Right?"

"Look, Lanie and Ryan and I wanted to come by to see Lex after work…do you think she'd be up to it?"

"Yeah I'm sure she would love that Espo…it might cheer her up."

"Oh we'll cheer her up, just wait."

Kate smiled, she loved her friends. "Well that would be great."

"Ok…so I'm almost afraid to say this but we should be out of here by 5:00 today…so we'll see you guys around 5:30?"

"Sounds perfect. We're in 325," Kate replied as Rick walked back and sat next to her, handing her a bag of pretzels. She mouthed a 'thank you' as she opened them.

"Ok. And tell Castle all he has to do is say the word and Ryan and I will have a little 'chat' with Meredith."

Kate laughed as she looked at Rick, who now looked thoroughly confused, "I'll make sure he knows that."

"Good, see you later Beckett."

"Bye."

"Ok what will you 'make sure that I know?'" Rick asked, amused.

"That all you have to do is ask and Espo and Ryan would love to have a 'chat' with your ex-wife. He asked if she was here and when I said no…well, you got the rest."

Rick smiled, "they're good guys."

"Yeah. They're gonna come by with Lanie around 5:30 to visit Alexis."

"Great. Maybe that'll cheer her up."

Kate nodded and lifted her pretzels, "Thanks for these," she said. "I didn't realize how hungry I was. What time is it?" she asked, shoving another fistful of pretzels in her mouth.

Rick laughed at how fast she was eating. "It's past lunchtime. Almost 1:30."

"No wonder…"

"Would you like me to run and get something for us? I'm pretty hungry too."

Kate shook her head, "You don't have to do that Rick, there's a cafeteria downstairs."

Rick chuckled, "Yeah, and as appetizing as hospital cafeteria food sounds…I think I'd rather go grab us something."

"Well, can't argue with you there..." she chuckled back.

"What do you feel like? I saw a Subway down the road."

"Subway's fine. You know what I like."

Rick nodded and she reached to get money out of her back pocket. When she went to hand it to him he looked at her like she had grown two heads, "Your joking right?"

Kate just rolled her eyes and put her money back in her pocket, "Fine. You think I should go sit with Alexis?"

"Yeah…just…make sure she's ok? I'll be back soon."

Kate gave him a smile, "I will." They stood up and she gave him a quick kiss before they went their separate ways.

When she walked into the room Alexis was still facing the wall. When she heard the door open Alexis gently turned and let out a shaky breath, "Hey Kate," she said softly.

Kate walked over and sat at the edge of the bed, one leg under her and one hanging off the bed. She brushed the tears off of Alexis' cheeks, "I'm so sorry Alexis," Kate whispered, "I'm so so sorry."

"I don't know why I even care, I mean, I'm still mad at her for everything and I don't really even want her to come but I…I kinda just wanted to at least talk to her. But I'm mad at her..." Alexis sighed, "I don't know why I care," she repeated. "It's not even that I really want to see or talk to her. It's just the point that I'm not important enough to her for her to take time to even _talk_ to, you know?"

"I know," Kate said gently. "I'm so sorry." Apparently she couldn't come up with anything better to say.

"Me too."

Kate took a deep breath, "Alexis you…your mom's priorities may be all wrong, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love you and it doesn't mean you're not important to her." Alexis just nodded and then silence overcame the room.

"I'm mad" Alexis said, suddenly breaking the silence a few minutes later.

"I bet; you should be. I'm mad too, I'm really mad."

Alexis gave her a small smile; she couldn't figure out why she hadn't asked Kate about the movie day earlier. Kate hadn't left her side all day, except when she asked her too. She had helped her get ready for her date, and had movie nights with her, and listened to her, and got mad when her mom hurt her. She was being ridiculous—this was Kate. This wasn't her mom…it was Kate. Kate she could trust. Kate she could count on. Kate would be there if she asked.

Suddenly her smile got bigger and Kate looked at her confused, "Alexis?"

"Kate, will you have a movie day with me and dad once I get to go home?"

"I…" Kate was taken aback. She hadn't been expecting that, but she quickly recovered, "Alexis I would love to, that sounds like a lot of fun." Kate smiled at her and leaned down to give her a kiss her on the forehead.

"Hey, where's dad?" She asked a few minutes later.

They talked for a while and 10 minutes later Rick came in with the food, quickly dropping it on one of the chairs and walking to the far side of the bed opposite Kate, "Hey pumpkin, you doing ok?"

Alexis smiled as her dad gave her a hug, "I am. I feel a lot better. And Kate's gonna have a movie day with us when I finally get out of this joint."

Kate laughed, "And you are going to get to pick any movies you want, you'll be waited on like a queen, and I'm pretty sure we can talk your dad into picking us up whatever we want to eat."

She looked over a Rick who was just staring at her smiling and giving her this look. Why was he looking at her like…oh…oh Alexis had asked her. She just gave him a soft smile and winked.

Rick looked at Kate and she just gave him a wink.

He just shook his head, keeping her gaze, "Alexis, right now you guys could probably talk me into just about anything."

Kate smiled at him before turning to Alexis, "Oh, Alexis, we can use this!"

Alexis, catching on, smiled at Kate, "You're right! What should we ask for? Spa day?"

Kate continued, "Season tickets to the Mets games?"

"Ooohhh you're thinking big, I like it. You know…I will be getting my driver's license soon…I'll need a car. Or maybe use of the ferrari?"

"My bike could use a spruce up…" Kate added.

"Ok, you two, you ruined it," Rick pouted. Both girls laughed and Kate gave Alexis a thumbs up.

Alexis smiled and looked at her dad, "Ok so we'll give you a break on that stuff…but we _are_ watching Star Wars first!"

He laughed, "You got it pumpkin." He gave his daughter a kiss on the forehead and then walked over to get their sandwiches, taking them out of the bag and handing Kate hers.

They chatted and ate their sandwiches and 20 minutes later the doctor came in, "Mr. Castle, glad to meet you. I'm Dr. Jones."

Rick quickly stood up and shook the doctors hands, "Rick. Thank you for taking care of my daughter."

Dr. Jones smiled, "Just doing my job, she's been a great patient. And I'm happy to tell you everything went well. I'm gonna check you out again Alexis but if all goes well you should be able to go home in a day or two."

15 minutes later the doctor left, having told them that Alexis should be good to go home the day after tomorrow if things kept progressing the way they were. The rest of the afternoon was passed playing chess and checkers; Kate being the reigning champ of their tournament-much to Rick's dismay. He was such a sore loser, even against a sick child.

* * *

Around 5:45 Javier, Kevin, and Lanie knocked on the open door and walked in. When Alexis saw what they were holding her face broke out in the biggest smile Kate had seen since this started; Javier was holding a vase full of beautiful and colorful flowers, Ryan had a big thing of chocolates, and Lanie was holding a huge teddy bear that was holding a heart that said 'I love you' with a purple and yellow balloon attached to its wrist that had a smiley face on it and said, 'Get well soon.'

"Oh my gosh you guys," Alexis said shocked, "What is all this?"

"What? You get cut open and we can't bring you stuff?" Javier huffed sarcastically.

Lanie walked straight to Alexis' bed, sat the teddy bear next to her and gave her a hug and a kiss on the forehead, "How you feeling honey?"

"A little sore but ok. Much better now," she smiled as they pulled back to look at each other.

Lanie smiled and gave her shoulder a quick squeeze, "I'm glad."

Alexis picked up the bear, "He is so cute! Thank you! And oohh," she added when she saw the chocolate Ryan was holding, "is that chocolate? Can I have some?" She asked looking at Lanie.

Everyone laughed at Alexis' excitement, "Not just yet sweetie, but soon," Lanie assured.

"Lanie! But I've had the Gatorade and been fine! And I don't feel nauseous! Come on, just one won't hurt right?"

Lanie had to try hard not to laugh at the young girl and keep her 'doctor' face on, "Have you had anything OTHER than Gatorade?"

"Well…no, but…"

Lanie shook her head, "No but's young lady. You have to introduce more liquids before you have candy; and you need to give your system some time to heal. You do realize you just had surgery this morning right?"

"Yes…but I'm fiiiiine!" Alexis said

This time Lanie did laugh, "And we're all so glad for that, but the answer is still no."

Alexis turned on her best pouty face, "Daddy? Please."

Rick held up his hands, "Sorry pumpkin, I'm not the doctor here. You need to listen to Lanie."

The boys laughed as Lanie humphed triumphantly, "Good decision writer-boy."

"Hey," he defended, "I know better than to go up against you-I don't have a death wish. Sorry Alexis, that face is hard to resist but she has medical tools—sharp medical tools." He said pointing at Lanie.

Everyone laughed and Alexis conceded, "Fine. Thank you Kevin…I'll eat them as soon as they'll let me."

Kevin smiled and set the chocolates on the little table next to the flowers Javier brought, "there's even chocolate covered cherries."

"Dude" Javier slapped Ryan's shoulder and Lanie glared at him, "not helping."

"Oh right, sorry Lex." Ryan said sheepishly.

Alexis laughed, "It's fine. Thank you. And thank you for the flowers Javi they're gorgeous!"

"Anytime." He smiled. He looked around the room and spotted all the games, "looks like you guys have been having fun."

Alexis nodded, "Yeah, except for getting my butt whopped by Kate. She's the chess champ right now."

Javier raised an eyebrow, "Oh is she now? I may just have to challenge that Beckett, I am a superior chess player."

Kate glared at him. "You're on Esposito."

"I'd watch it Javier, she didn't even have mercy on my sick child," Rick stage whispered.

Kate rolled her eyes and wacked his chest, "oh shut it. You're just a sore loser."

"That was an illegal move!" he defended.

"It was not!" Kate and Alexis said at once, clearly exasperated. Rick crossed his arms and pouted.

Kate rolled her eyes and then looked at Javi, "So, you in?"

"Oh it's on Beckett…" Javier said going to set the board up at the table.

* * *

**And your thoughts are...?**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey all! Well, since I decided to go with what I had originally written...I had everything ready to post so I figured I might as well :). Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Alexis had been released from the hospital right on schedule, there having been no complications. Kate took the first 2 days Alexis was home off from work to spend with them and they camped out in the living room both days and had their movie marathon. She stayed at the loft; reasoning she was planning on being there anyway since Martha was gone. Rick had called Martha and the actress had said she would come home right away, but Rick assured her he was there now and she only had a few more days of her show and he managed to convince her to stay. However, he couldn't stop her from showering Alexis with gifts when she got back. When her grandmother returned, Alexis was presented with a gift basket full of new books and movies and all her favorite snack foods (which she could thankfully have now). Meredith had called briefly the day after she got home, telling her the same old story: I love you, so sorry I can't be there, important work, call more when I can…Alexis hardly listened anymore.

It had been 6 days since her surgery and Alexis was sitting at the kitchen counter desperately trying to catch up on all her make up work her teachers had sent home. Her father was at a black pawn meeting until about 8:00 that night, but Kate was there, cooking dinner and helping her with her homework—just like a few weeks before.

Kate was stirring the pasta when Alexis suddenly slammed her pencil down. She quickly turned to the girl who had a frustrated expression on her face and raised a questioning eyebrow. "I am never going to finish all this Kate! I've been working on the same thing for over an hour and I haven't even made a dent!"

Kate gave her a sympathetic smile, set the stirring spoon on the stove, and walked over to her, looking over the math work she was doing. She did a quick scan and determined the work was correct. She rubbed a hand over Alexis' back, "But all of this is right. You're doing a great job."

"Yeah, I'll just never be done with it!" Alexis exclaimed putting her head in her hands a rubbing her forehead, "I can't do anymore right now."

Kate squeezed her shoulder, "Then take a break sweetie, you've been working for hours. Take a break and help me cook, or go take a shower or something. Then come back with a clear head."

Alexis nodded. "Yeah, ok," she sighed, "your right…that sounds good. Mind if I go shower?"

Kate smiled and motioned for her to leave, "I suggested it silly! Go shower—try and relax. Dinner should be ready when you get out ok? We can eat and then you can tackle a little more."

Alexis wrapped Kate in a hug, "Thank you, Kate."

Kate hugged her tight, "Anytime, kid." She turned Alexis around and pushed her toward the bathroom, "Now go—shower!"

Alexis laughed, "yes ma'am!" She fake saluted.

When Alexis walked down 20 minutes later, now freshly showered and in pajamas, she heard Kate arguing with someone. It didn't take her long to figure out who it was. She quietly walked down, but stayed out of sight behind the wall to listen.

"What do you mean 'why do I want to see her?' She's my daughter detective."

"And I am not going to let you hurt her again!"

"Who do you think you are telling me what I can and cannot do when it comes to my own daughter?!"

"Who am I?" Kate scoffed, "I'm the one that was there to comfort her when she was crying after she had surgery because her mother was too busy to even call her. I'm someone who stayed home with her for days when she was recovering, watching movies and playing games and getting her whatever she needed. I'm someone who got up at night to keep her company and hold her hand when she couldn't sleep because she was in pain from the surgery. I'm someone who has been here, helping her get caught up on her homework. I'm someone who loves her and will do anything to protect her. And I'm someone who isn't going to let you see her if you're just going to hurt her again. I am done letting you hurt her!"

"Why you really are a…"

"So," Kate interrupted before the woman could go off on her, "Tell me, who are _you_ Meredith? Who are you that you keep getting to hurt her?"

"I'm her mother!"

"No you're not!" both women turned around when they heard the sudden yell. Alexis was standing there, fuming, "You are not my mother!" Alexis continued yelling, "At least not in the whole sense of the word. That…what Kate just said, that's a mother! You? What have you ever done for me? I have surgery and you're too busy to even call me. It's been like a week and now you come?"

"Alexis…" Meredith tried to interrupt but Alexis was on a roll. Kate just stood there, shocked. She had never heard Alexis talk this way to anyone. She turned around and slipped her phone out of her pocket to send a quick 911 text to Rick telling him he needed to get home,

'**Meredith is here and Alexis is yelling. You need to get home-now!'**

A few seconds later she got his reply,

'**Oh God…I'm on my way. Lex ok?'**

Kate turned to the red head who was still fuming and yelling at her mother. She sighed and sent a quick **'no' **to Rick before shoving her phone back in her pocket and walking over to Alexis, who was starting to look really pale, except for the red flush on her cheeks from getting so worked up. "Ok honey you need to calm down," Kate said gently, putting a light hand on her shoulder, "you're still recovering and getting this upset isn't going to help. You are getting really pale." Kate said, putting a hand on her forehead and then her cheek. She was warm, but she figured that was from being so worked up.

"I'm her mother," Meredith spat, "I'll check on her! Leave her alone." Kate glared at Meredith as the woman started walking toward Alexis.

Alexis took a few steps back, "Mom…stop. Please… just…just leave."

"What?! I thought you wanted me here?"

"Yeah I did, after I had surgery! To help me and be there for me."

"Well I'm here now…"

"I don't need it now! I'm recovered, I don't need the help. Where were you a week ago? Or like a month ago when you said you would come for a girls weekend huh? You don't come when I need you—you only show up when it's convenient for you! Well guess what…I don't need you anymore! I have Grams and I have dad and I have Kate—so you can leave and go back to what's really important to you." Kate gripped Alexis shoulder in support but didn't say a word; she knew the young girl needed to get this all out.

"Alexis Castle! I am your mother; you do not talk to me that way! And I can't believe…didn't we talk about what was going to happen when Kate and your father…"

"No." Kate interrupted before Meredith could finish. Alexis looked over at Kate and her eyes went wide. She hadn't ever seen Kate this angry. She felt Kate's grip on her shoulder tighten before she let go to head for Meredith.

Alexis grabbed her hand to stop her, "Kate, I know. It's ok." She tried to assure her.

"No it's not." Kate said sternly, looking at her. She then turned back and walked towards Meredith, happy she had her heels on so the woman had to look up at her slightly, "It is not ok and I am telling you right now Meredith, you and I are going to have a longer conversation about this when Alexis is not here." Kate seethed and got right in Meredith's face, "You have some nerve coming in here and saying that right in front of my face and I promise you, if you say it again you will be sorry. And just so you know…Rick and I have been together for about 3 weeks. I'm still here and I'm not going anywhere." She lowered her voice to a deadly whisper, "They're mine now, and you do NOT get to say that do you understand me?" Meredith just nodded, obviously intimidated, "Good. Now get out and leave her alone."

Meredith found her voice, "This isn't your house detective, you can't kick me out."

Before Meredith said the last part of that sentence Rick practically ran through the door, shutting it quickly behind him, "Well I can Meredith. Leave!"  
Meredith crossed her arms in defiance, "No, not before we talk."

Rick took a deep breath to try and calm his anger at his ex-wife. "Fine, my office," he said quickly and he and Meredith walked silently into the office, loudly slamming the door.

When the door slammed Alexis jumped. They immediately heard yelling from the office and Kate turned to look at Alexis. Before she could say anything Alexis ran up to her room. "Alexis!" she called after her but the young girl didn't turn around." Kate ran a frustrated hand through her hair. She quickly walked up to Alexis' room and found the young girl on her floor bent over and clutching her stomach. She ran to her, "Alexis! What happened?" she asked quickly as she kneeled in front of the girl and put a hand on her arm. She had been worried Alexis was going to overdo it because she was upset. Running up here was definitely not good.

"I'm fine" she said through gritted teeth, "I just stretched my stitches, that's all."

"Ok honey, I need to make sure you didn't rip them…" Kate said, worried.

"Kate I'm fi…"

"Alexis, that wasn't a question." She interrupted, "I'm afraid you may have ripped them, now lie down and let me look." Kate said sternly. She knew the girl was frustrated and she didn't want to upset her more, but this was important.

Alexis let out a frustrated sigh but complied, lying on the floor and scrunching her face in pain. As soon as Kate lifted up her shirt she saw blood pooling under the bandage. She lowered the top of the pajama pants slightly so she could lift up the bandage. 'Oh thank God.' She thought. The stiches pulling had caused some bleeding, but they weren't ripped. She quickly went to the bathroom to get some gauze and a new bandage.

"Kate, why is it bleeding? I thought it was healed enough, it's been like 6 days."

Kate walked back into the room, "It was healing…but it wasn't healed enough to jet up the stairs honey. Thank God it was healed enough to not rip open…but the pulling caused it to bleed." She took the bandage all the way of and gently wiped away the blood.

"It was just up the stairs! How…ahh oow Kate that hurts!"

"I'm sorry sweetie. I'm almost done."

Alexis hit her fist against the floor, "Damn it. I'm so stupid. I shouldn't have…I just."

"I know Lex, I know. And you're not stupid honey. Ok all done. Why don't you go lay in your bed."

Alexis nodded and winced in pain as Kate helped her up and into bed, "It really hurts Kate."

Kate pushed the hair back from Alexis' forehead, "I know sweetie. Do you want a pain pill?"

Alexis nodded, "But I don't know where dad put them and mom is with him and I just…I can't deal with her right now Kate, I don't want her to come up here and..."

Kate ran a hand over her forehead, "It's ok. I'll go and ask your dad where the pills are, she won't come up here alright? Just relax." Alexis nodded and Kate gave her a kiss on the forehead before she ran downstairs to get Rick.

She knocked on the door to the office and she didn't even wait for a 'come in' to enter. "Detective, this is a private conversation," Meredith yelled, "I want you out of here."

"I don't really care what you want Meredith! It isn't all about you."

Meredith scoffed, "Why you little…I can't believe you would just barge in and…"

"Look," Kate interrupted just short of yelling. She got in Meredith's face again, "Trust me Meredith; you do NOT want to mess with me right now because I am about this close to…"

Rick grabbed Kate's hand to stop her when he noticed her raising her arm, "Kate…" he said gently, "Everything ok?"

"No actually, it's not," she shook her head and glared at Meredith before taking a step back and turning to Rick. She took a deep breath. "Alexis ran up the stairs and pulled her stitches."

Ricks eyes went wide, "What!?"

"She didn't rip them," she assured him, "but she pulled them enough that they bled. She's in a lot of pain so I was going to get her a pain pill but I don't know where you put them."

Rick went to leave but Meredith stopped him, "We are in the middle of something Richard."

"Oh my...is she serious right now?" Kate asked Rick and then turned to Meredith, "Did you not hear me?! Your daughter is in pain."

Meredith turned to Rick, "Are you going to just let her come in here and interrupt our conversation?"

Rick glared at Meredith and Kate felt his hand tighten around hers in frustration, "I don't care about our conversation Meredith! I am going to go check on my daughter. Now just leave and let me take care of her!" Before Meredith could argue Rick ran out of the study and up to Alexis' room.

Kate turned to Meredith, fully ready to make sure the woman left. Alexis had told her she didn't want Meredith there right now and if she was only going to make Alexis worse, Kate didn't care how it sounded—she would make sure she wasn't there. Before she could say anything, however, Meredith stormed out of the office and ran out the front door, slamming it as loud as she could. Kate immediately went up to Alexis room to find Rick handing her a pill and a glass of water.

"Is she gone?" Alexis asked after she took the pill and handed the water back to her dad to set on the nightstand.

"Yeah honey, she left." Kate answered as she sat at the foot of Alexis' bed.

Rick sat on the side of the bed next to Alexis, "Alexis, what were you thinking running up stairs like that? You could have really hurt yourself." He said gently.

Alexis sighed, "I know dad I just…you and mom were fighting and I was so angry and mad and I just…I didn't really think about until it started really hurting."

Rick kissed her forehead, "I'm so sorry pumpkin."

"It's not your fault dad"

"I'm sorry we were yelling. I just got so mad because she upset you…"

Alexis smiled softly, "I know daddy."

After a few moments of silence Rick spoke up, "Are you ok sweetie?"

Alexis nodded and closed her eyes, "Yeah, I am. I promise. I'm just tired now. And those pills really make me sleepy."

"Yeah, they do that," Rick chuckled, "Why don't you get some rest ok?"

Alexis nodded, not opening her eyes. Rick gave her a kiss and Kate squeezed her leg before they quietly made their way out of the room. Once the door was shut Kate spoke, "You really lit into Meredith."

"Me?" Rick asked amused as they walked down the stairs, "I thought _you_ were gonna hit her!"

"Me too…" Kate mumbled. She honestly had almost hit the woman, and she wasn't ashamed to admit it.

Rick laughed at that and they went to sit on the couch. "Thank you for taking care of Alexis." He said earnestly.

Kate shook her head, "You seriously need to stop thanking me for loving your daughter."

He smiled, "Ok."

"So how was your meeting?" she asked as she leaned back into him and he wrapped his arms around her middle.

"Ehh…same ol' same ol'. Gave them the outline for the next few chapters, they set up deadlines…yada yada." Kate chuckled. "How long was Meredith here before I was able to get home?"

"Oh just about 15 minutes…you got here surprisingly fast."

"What happened?"

"Rick, it doesn't…"

"It does matter Kate."

"Fine," she sighed, "Well, she came…wanted to see Alexis. I asked why, she got mad. I said I wasn't gonna let her hurt her; we got into the whole 'who do you think you are' thing. Alexis came out—she started yelling. Meredith repeated what she told Alexis about us getting together—I got in her face, said she'd be sorry if she ever said that again. She said she understood, I said you guys were mine now—told her to leave. She said I couldn't make her leave because it wasn't my house…you walked in, and…you know it from there. When Rick didn't say anything after she was done she turned around in his arms to look at him and saw her just staring at her, mouth agape. "What?" she asked confused.

"I…you…" he stammered, "What did you say to her"

"When?"

"After…after she told Alexis what she said about us dating."

"Uhhh…she'd be sorry if she said that to Alexis again?"

"No, no after that."

She looked at him, bewildered, "I told her to leave?"

He grumbled, "No! Before that!"

"I…" she started, still puzzled. But then it dawned on her and her eyes widened. Well crap, she hadn't meant to tell him that part—his ego was big enough. Man, the gloating she was setting herself up for. She looked away, desperately trying to avoid his gaze, and mumbled, "That you guys are mine now."

"What was that?" Rick asked, a cocky smile plastered on his face.

She finally met his gaze and glared at him, "You know, smug really doesn't…"

Her words were cut off as he brought her to him in a searing kiss. When they broke apart he started trailing kisses down her neck, "You know, you getting all territorial and jealous? So hot."

She let out a gasp as his hand found its way underneath her shirt, stroking her skin, "Yeah?"

He smiled against her neck, "Oh yeah." He kissed his way back up her neck and found her lips again.

"How hot, exactly?" she breathed between kisses.

He pulled back slightly, "Well I would be happy to show you, my dear detective."

She leaned in until her lips touched his ear, "Then show me." She whispered, teasing his lobe with her lips before she pulled back to look at him. He didn't waste any time and suddenly scooped her up bridal style, "Rick!" she squeaked out. He quickly made his way to his bedroom and she giggled as he attempted to shut the door with his foot, finally succeeding on the third try.

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**Ok two things...one, of course, is what did you think!?**

**Second is...this story is almost done. I have one more chapter that ties everything together and then that's it. So, I thought about writing something else (and finishing something I already have started) but I wanted to get ideas from you guys. Since you are the ones that are reading this...I figured I would see what you would want to read? Anyone have any fun concepts/prompts that they might like to see written? I'm of course gonna keep thinking on it and see if I can come up with something fun...but I wanted to see if you all had any thoughts also.  
**

**Thank you reading and reviewing and favoriting and all that good stuff! It means a lot to me and makes me smile!  
**


	12. Chapter 12

**This is the final chapter and I can honestly say I'm so excited for it! This is my first story and I am really happy with how it turned out...and the response. You guys have been amazing! ****This is for lisahomeandawayholic and ninak****05 because I want you guys to always remember that, no matter how bad, there is life after the fall.**

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They had a month. A month before things turned upside down. Everything had been going great. Alexis had healed wonderfully, they hadn't heard from Meredith (which was fine by everyone), Kate's father was doing great— he was continually going to his AA meetings and talking to his sponser, and Kate and Rick were closer than ever. Kate spent most of her time at the loft with Rick and Alexis (days and nights). She kept waiting to feel smothered, kept waiting to feel like she wanted space, kept waiting to freak out and want to run…but it never happened. She thoroughly enjoyed spending as much time with the Castle's as she could and she found that for the first time in her life, she didn't want to be alone. There had been numerous movie nights, days out, and picnics in the park. She and Alexis had a couple more girls days and Rick had taken her out on what were, without question, the most romantic dates she had ever been on, and she wasn't ashamed to admit they left even her smitten. There had been no more talk of Kate giving up the case, or the case in general. It all seemed to still be on the backburner and although she never confirmed it, Rick thought that perhaps Kate had made her decision and let everything go. All in all, they were doing really well, their little family. However, suddenly the rules of engagement changed and Rick knew he was wrong. They had new leads, Ryan and Esposito had been kidnapped, Lockwood had escaped, and Kate was running at the case head first and not looking back. There was now no question—she had made her decision, and her decision was definitely not letting it go. They all knew the risks, but no one could seem to get through to her, not even Castle. He tried, but was resigned to the fact nothing he said would made a difference. However, when Jim Beckett came to his loft a few weeks after everything started up again, begging him to get Kate to stop, he had to try again. As a father, he understood where Jim was coming from and he couldn't tell the man he gave up. After Jim left he tried to call Kate and get her to come to the loft, but she said she was exhausted and was taking a break and relaxing. He knew that was a lie…he knew her to well to believe that. So, now he was standing at her door, desperately trying to figure out what he could say to make her see she had to stop. He tentatively knocked and waited for her to answer.

"Rick," Kate said surprised, "what…what are you doing here?"

Rick took in her appearance. She had dark circles under her eyes that no amount of make-up could cover, and she looked completely worn down. Without waiting for an invitation he walked into her apartment and gasped when he saw all the papers and files on the floor in front of her make shift murder board. He knew she wasn't relaxing, "So this is what you call taking a break, Kate? Sitting here going through these files for the hundredth time?"

She shut the door and walked over to where he was standing by the window, "Come on, we talked about this. I'm…"

"Do NOT say you are fine Kate."

"Rick…"

"No Kate. Look at this place; look in the mirror. You haven't slept in weeks…and I bet you can't even remember the last time you had a proper meal. You are running yourself into the ground. You are spiraling out of control and you can't see it."

"What do you want from me Rick?" she asked, raising her voice in frustration.

"Stop." He said simply. "I want you to stop this and walk away."

He saw the anger flash in her eyes, "How can you ask me to do that? You, of all people, know how much this means to me!"

"I do, but Kate…you can't do this anymore. If you keep doing this they will kill you!" He said, raising his voice to match hers.

"So, what? I'm supposed to just give up? Castle this is my mother," she yelled. "I can't just forget about it!"

He cringed at 'Castle'. He was back to 'Castle'? Crap. "You told your dad you would think about this. You told _me_ you would think about it. Think about giving this up, think about what it was doing to you and everyone else around you. Did you even consider that _Beckett_? Did you consider everyone who loves you? Did you even think about letting this go or did you just say that to make your dad and I happy?"

"How could you…of course I thought about it! I constantly think about it—it kills me!"

"But not enough to step back?" he spat out.

"I…"

Castle sighed. Yelling was getting them nowhere. He closed the distance between them and grabbed her hands, "I'm not asking you to forget about it Kate," he said gently, "You will never forget her. But you have to forget this case; you have to let it go for now. One day…one day we will figure this out. One day they'll make a mistake and we can go after it. One day it will be safe. But for now, you have to stop. I just…God Kate do you have any idea how much it would kill me if anything happened to you? And what about Alexis? And your father? They would be devastated. And Lanie and the boys…and Montgomery. Kate think about all the people the love you." He cupped her cheeks to make her look him in the eyes and saw the tears running down her face. He rested his forehead against hers and whispered, "Kate I love you. I…I can't lose you. Please…please stop."

"I…I can't I...Rick, I have to do this." She said softly, more tears falling. He closed his eyes and sighed, then gently pulled away and looked at her. That look…she couldn't describe the look he was giving her, but it terrified her. It made her feel like she had just been sucker punched. "Rick?" he shook his head and started walking toward the door. She grabbed his arm in a desperate attempt to stop him, "Rick, please."

"I can't watch you get yourself killed and if you continue to run at this that is what's going to happen. Apparently I can't stop you but I am not going to stand by and just watch. I…I'm done Kate." He said as he pulled out of her grasp and walked to the door.

She ran after him, "Rick, wait! Please…please don't do this."

He opened the door and looked at her one last time, "Bye, Kate." He gently shut the door and she sank down against it, completely falling apart.

Kate spent a good 15 minutes just sitting on her floor crying, trying to figure out how things had gotten so out of hand. When she finally lifted her head from her hands her eyes immediately went to the picture of her and Castle that sat on the coffee table. It had been taken about 3 weeks ago on one of their days out. Kate and Alexis had decided they wanted to go to the museum. They heard the museum had a new dinosaur exhibit and they knew Rick would love it, so they wanted to surprise him. They went so far to blindfold him, much to Rick's indignation. When they were in front of the exhibit, they finally took the blindfold off. Ricks face split into a huge grin and he had quickly grabbed Kate in a hug, picking her off the ground and spinning them around in excitement. And that was the image that Alexis had captured on her iPhone; Rick spinning them around, holding on tightly to each other, both laughing unabashedly. Alexis had surprised her with the picture a few days later and it quickly became one of her favorites of her and Rick. They just looked so happy and care free and…and in love. "What am I doing?" she asked the empty apartment. She loved him. She loved him and she just let him walk out of her apartment, out of her life? How could she do that? How could she give up the best thing that ever happened to her for a fight she knew deep down she may never win? Without a second thought she shot up and went to her room to slip on her flats. She ran to the door, grabbed her keys off the hook, and quickly jetted out of her apartment. She immediately stopped in her tracks when she saw Rick standing by her door. "Rick?" she breathed, relief flooding her voice.

"Took you long enough," he said, giving her a slight smile. She threw herself in his arms, the tears again beginning to flow.

They silently held onto each other for several minutes before Rick ushered her back into the apartment and onto the couch. She was the first to speak, "I can't do this anymore Rick." When his face fell she made herself clearer, "Oh no, no Rick. I'm not talking about us. I…I can't keep chasing after shadows anymore." He nodded his head in understanding so she continued, "You're right. I couldn't see what was happening. I was so focused on solving this case…"

He grabbed her hand, "I know, Kate."

"I can't do it anymore Rick. I…I'm so tired of fighting a losing battle. I don't think I can win this thing."

"But you can Kate." She looked at him confused but he continued, "You can win—by living. By living your life and being happy, you are winning."

She squeezed her eyes shut and Castle wiped the tears that fell with the hand that wasn't holding hers.

She opened her eyes and looked at him, "I think that's what my mom would want."

"It is," Rick agreed gently.

"I think she would want me to live and be happy and not…not throw my life away for something that isn't going to…isn't going to bring her back." She chocked the last part out through sobs.

Rick squeezed her hand, "She would."

"I think…I think it's time I start doing what _she_ would want."

"Kate, are you…"

"I'm done." She confirmed.

"You're…"

"Done," she finished for him. "I'm done."

"You're…really?" he asked in disbelief. She gave him a slight smile and nodded her head, "And you're…are you sure?" Again, she shook her head. "Why now?" he asked softly. Still not believing this was happening.

"I've never…I…now I…" Kate struggled with the words. He squeezed her hand in support. "I have something to live for now." She said softly, surprising him by looking him straight in the eye.

"Kate…" He let out her name in a whisper.

"I've never…I didn't have that before but now I…now I have something more important than a case to live for. And I love my mom Castle. I love her so much and I'll always miss her and think about her and wish I could have done this for her but I…I can't lose you. And I want to live. I want to be happy and live my life…with you."

He saw the sincerity in her eyes, could hear it in her voice, "You…your serious aren't you?" she nodded at him. "You're…you're really done."

"Mmhmm"

"Oh thank God," he breathed as he grabbed her and pulled her into a hug.

She smiled against his ear and whispered, "I love you Rick. I love you so much."

He pulled back and gave her a soft smile, tucking some stray hair that had fallen out of her loose bun behind her ear, "Oh, Kate. I love you too." He brought his lips to meet hers and when they broke apart some time later, she was in his lap, burying her face in his neck.

"How am I going to do this Rick?"

He loosed his arms that were around her enough to pull back and look at her. He brought a hand up to gently stroke her cheek, "One day at a time Kate."

She nodded and then suddenly got up and walked to her room. He watched with curiosity as she opened her closet and, reaching on her tip toes, pulled down a box. She slowly walked back to the living room and stood in front of her open home-made murder board.

Castle got up and walked over to stand next to her. He put a hand on the small of her back, "Kate, you don't have to do this today."

"Yes I do." She whispered, her eyes never leaving the board. She reached a shaking hand up to one of the pictures on the shutters, stopping a few inches from the photograph. Her hand started shaking more as it touched the picture. She kept her hand there for a few seconds before quickly pulling it back and making a fist out of frustration.

"Kate…you _really_ don't need to do this today."

She turned to him, eyes brimming with tears, "What if I can't do it Rick? What if I try and then I fall right back into it and…"

"Hey," he said, placing gentle hands on her shoulders, "That's what I'm here for. That's why we are going to handle this just like we've handled everything else...together. If you fall, I'll catch you. If you fall, we'll get through it and move forward. You'll see Kate…you'll see that there's life after the fall."

She nodded and gave him a small smile as a few tears fell down her cheek. She took his hands that were on her shoulders and laced his fingers with hers. As she stared into his deep blue eyes his words finally registered and she realized just how right he was. There may be days where she feels like she can't handle it anymore. Days where all she wants is to run back into this thing. Days where she feels like she's falling…but that will be ok. It would be ok because Castle was right—there was life after the fall.

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**Ok...so what did you think of the story? What did you think of the ending? Remember, I want to hear what you guys may want to see in a new story. Thank you so much for reading and commenting and letting me know what you thought of my very first story! **

**Also, remember I want to know if any of you guys have something you might like to read in another story? I have some ideas...but since you guys are the ones reading...I wanted to write something you guys wanted to read :)). So, if you have something, let me know! Thanks again so much for the kind words!**


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